Dogwood season

It's dogwood season at The Park.

Since we are in the middle of an old oak and hickory forest we look for color everywhere we can. In early spring, color is primarily from budding red bud and dogwood trees.

Since the deforestation begun by the electric company I have been removing all the trash trees surrounding the house, allowing anything that flowers pride of place. The grounds have been wild for at least the past decade, all the nearby trees are spindly, top heavy things. In their search for sun they have grown up, not out.

It's my hope that by clearing space for our flowering saplings, eventually they will fill out and become truly specimen trees.

Mixed amongst the trees are a collection of azaleas and rhododendrons, which will begin to flower within the next several weeks. Each year I plant about 50 of each, which in a year or so should begin to fill in nicely. In my minds eye, I have the beginnings of a southern garden.

I next need to work on scent. My guide is a strong scent memory of the honeysuckle scented drive from Savannah to Atlanta.

Sadly, forest bottoms for miles around here are covered with an aggressive, invasive, non scented honeysuckle species. Virtually everything green in the pictures above are this plague. Adding more, although a less invasive honeysuckle may not be my answer. Any ideas?

Toad

The Movie of your life

Over cocktails Friday evening the question arose, who should play you, in the movie of your life? I stalled for time by asking several qualifying questions. Should they be me as I am, or as I hope to be? The me, as I am now, or when I wasn't so much now?

Your pick, they'll tailor the movie to fit, I was told.

I have two candidates. They are playing some version of me, as I see myself now. Sadly, at least one is dead, but I'm not certain that matters.

I can see the irrepressible Toad portrayed by either Peter Ustinov, or Albert Finney, especially in Uncle Henry mode from A Good Year. Perhaps a later Orson Welles could do me justice.

Who would you like to be you? If only for a movie.

Toad

Strickly a NY thing?

I finally got around to tackling last weekend's NYT yesterday. My routine is to begin with the Style section, head to Business, the Book Review and Magazine then let whatever catches my fancy take over.

My real favorite part is the Vows, at the back of Style.

Last weekend's featured couple were in their mid 40's. He was a nerd who had never married and had never had a lasting relationship. She had just left a 23 year relationship when she met the groom to be.

So they dated a year, he asked, she accepted, they tied the knot.

He likes his man cave of an apartment, she likes her pepto bismol pink apartment with her cats and parrots. What's a newly married couple to do in such circumstances?

You got it. THEY WILL MAINTAIN THEIR SEPARATE RESIDENCES AND GET TOGETHER FOR WEEKENDS!!!!! I asked, Mrs. T said no.

Can you imagine? Is there anywhere on the planet other than NY City where a guy could successfully pull this off? How would the conversation begin? Is this a marriage?

Toad

Grey Gardens

HBO has remade Grey Gardens, and will be airing it near continuously for the next week or so. Would ANYONE give a hoot about these women if they were not Jackie O's relatives? We each know women like Big Edie and Little Edie, and cross the street to avoid them, lest they be catchy.

Since there is no compelling reason to remake the classic original, this vanity project wouldn't have anything to do with the property value of the Ben Bradlee and Sally Quinn's new house would it?

Toad

Stardust

Like almost all I have come into contact with this week, I've been sick.

Professional quality head cold. OK, so maybe I'm dramatising, but mega doses of anti-histamines and cough syrup have been required to get me out of bed, robed, into my chair, and ready to attack the stack of books at my side. Twenty minutes later I'm asleep, not remembering a thing I've read.

So I wake up from a restless sleep and I have a snippet of a song rolling around my head. I know I like the song, but I can't place it. I can come up with a lyric or two, but nothing rings a bell. This goes on all day Wednesday and Thursday. Finally, something comes to me. No, that's not it. Maybe it's Cole Porter, nope. Gershwin? Nada. I'm losing it.

There used to be a record shop on South Street in Philly, where I could go, or phone and hum something to the clerk, and immediately he would point me to it. The guy was so good, he became the inspiration for a Married With Children episode.

Finally, it comes to me. Its Hoagy Carmichael, also on the Sleepless in Seattle soundtrack.

Allow me to share the object of my musing. Here's Natalie's dad for your enjoyment. Minimize the screen, turn up the volume, get ready to enjoy your weekend.

Thank you yes, I'm on the mend.



Toad

atlanta film festival

Should you catch yourself out and about this weekend, you may care to stop in at the Atlanta Film Festival.

I wanna see a bunch of artsy fartsy movies why you ask? Like most things if it has to be explained to ya, you'll never get it, so let me give you one good reason to go.

The festival is celebrating the 7oth. anniversary of the theatrical release of Gone With The Wind. GWTW's premier on December 15, 1939 was also in Atlanta. Jimmy Carter once said, the opening festival was the biggest thing to happen in the South in his lifetime. Still may be.

In an exceptional movie year, GWTW won 10 Oscars, including Best Film, Director, Actress, and Best Supporting Actress. Adjusted for inflation, it's the highest grossing movie of all time. While its rank on the all time best movie list hovers somewhere around 5, it's a really good flick.

Now, understandably, the movie is not to every one's taste. A lot, thankfully, has transpired in 70 years. We are a better people and a better country now than in 1939. However, we don't make better movies.

Is it good history? No, is any movie?

Is it a good story? Undoubtedly

If your up for the trip, get your tickets early. You need not save the aisle seat for me though. I saw it on TMC Tuesday, and I've a grandson's little league softball game to attend.


Toad

The Census Lady

By nature I am not much of a conspiracy theorist. I don't have the energy. My default position is that if some, Church, Corporation or Government official is going to take the time from their busy day to spin me, they're lying. Might be cynical, but I do know the price of important things, and experience has proven me right more often than not. Go with your gut.

So this morning, there's a knock at the door. We don't get many drop in visitors, especially at that hour of the day. Our friends and family know that we do not want to be seen or talked to much before 10 am. So anyway I need to deal with the door.

Turns out to be a middle age woman representing the Census Bureau.

Is this your front door? she asks.

No I reply, its our back door.

Can you show me the front door?

Why? It's just like this, same color, other side of the house.

I need to see it, please.

OK, walk 180 degrees to the right or left. Stop when you come to the red door. That will be it. Off she goes.

What I did not mention is that there is no real access to the front door. It's a facade. To get there you need to stomp through mud, and up or down a hill,and through the bushes, depending on which direction you go. Don't mind the dog, I cautioned, he may want to jump.

Soon there is knock at the front door. She's kinda unhappy with me.

Just what are you doing I enquire.

I need the exact GPS coordinates of every front door on my list.

Why?

Its for the census next year.

I can think of a hundred and six reasons to want that data, but none good. Do you have any ideas?


Toad
Happy tax day btw.

Commander's Palace

The couple at the next table were worth the price of admission.

He was some indeterminate age, but had me by 8 to 10 years. Maybe more. She was his mother, and was the spitting image of Brooke Astor at 90. Elegant. Trim Chanel suit, silk scarf just so. Sensible pumps.

Locals.

Tables were close, Mrs T. has never met a stranger, so before long they were best friends. He was offering tips on what to order, who has the best...... I asked the Metarie restaurant question which has been plaguing me, and he allowed that Metarie is not somewhere he would ever willingly choose to go, so couldn't help.

He's entertaining mom with tidbits from Vanity Fair. She's grilling him on commodity prices, crop yields. Just eat your apps and dessert momma, the entree can go home to be warmed up tomorrow. It was priceless.

Then I noticed his suit. I'd never encountered anything like it. It was an expensive navy poplin number. Ladies, in a just world, poplin suits, like seersucker, would be near free. Same color and weight as Brooks, but bespoke., broken in, shiny. Maybe his father's for all I know. Open patch pockets, Mardi Gras purple, green, gold lining to the jacket. You know the expression comfortable in his own skin? He had it in spades in this suit.

So mom gets boring and he's telling Mrs. T. about the plantation he and his brother own. They have the best gumbo there you ever wished for. Mrs. T inquires further, but deep down I know she's lying. She eats girl food. Only. If it contains cajun or creole spice, she'll probably pass. Turns out the old guys plantation is near one owned by her cousin. Certainly, they know each other. Best friends for 30 years. Their wives are better friends.

Small world.

Sadly CP was the only disappointment in our travels. Food was good, service was awful.

Toad

Stranger in a Strange Land

Ever play tourist at home?

After a Bloody Mary or two at Easter brunch, I offered to organize a tour of the 5 oldest churches near Mayberry, which my in-laws, the Grouches have never visited. It's going to be tough, since they have been to all the obvious ones. To make it harder, I haven't been to any of them. Their presumption is that I am going to select only Catholic Churches. I've organized similar and very well received tours in Barcelona, Madrid and London for them, but this is the first one at home.

One of Mayberry's larger suburbs was originally a French settled river town. Later immigrations brought German's, Poles, Bohemians and Irish. Catholics are thick on the ground there, but most of their churches were built in the late 1800's. The oldest I can find is 1820. There are several from the 1840's, then it jumps 50 years.

So I have changed the rules to include Protestant churches. Within a 5 minute drive from home are 1840's era Anglican, Presbyterian, and Baptist sanctuaries. An 1860's AME shrine is less than a mile away. Since Catholics have absolutely no conception of anything remotely Protestant this may come as a shock.

You may not accept this on faith, I swear to its truth. Papists can pass a Protestant church everyday for 50 years and never know its name, or its history, or what religion it represents. They simply don't see it. However, all catholic's will know the name of every tiny papist chapel within 30 miles.

There is a wealth of history, hidden in plain site, in our backyard. After this is a planned tour of homestead cemeteries. Mayberry is thick with pioneer burial grounds, which are now located in suburban backyards. Have you ever done any amateur sleuthing near home? I'm finding this fascinating.

Toad

M Magazine

Clay Felker's sale of Esquire Magazine in 1979 marked the beginning of an on going end to one of the storied magazines in history. The fact that it's still published demonstrates the power of a brand. Much like GM for instance. Both should have died many years ago, but inertia keeps it printing.

Realizing that Esquire's day in the sun had passed onto New York Magazine, in 1983 Fairchild Publications made a valiant effort to capture the hearts, minds and wallets, of America's affluent, and stylish males with M, the Civilized Man Magazine. While the title may have been an oxymoron, each month M would publish what could best be described as a catalog, of the dying WASP culture. Anglophilia never had it so good. Ambassador so and so at the Hunt Ball kind of nonsense. It was all done very seriously, and the many of the better class of criminals were shown as being almost respectable people.

For several years, late 83 until perhaps mid 88 or so I subscribed. There was no magazine like it. It was a great tutorial for we slumming wanna be's. The cover shot above is from the first issue, I still have it. Surprisingly much of the advertisers wares held up pretty well over the years. A lot of Ralph, Tommy, Alexander Julian. Nothing too progressive, need I say.

By the late 80's the Establishment was dead, and most interest in it. M wobbled around until '91 or 2 a mere shadow of its former glory.

There is a bit of a cult following for old copies of the Mag. A younger set, who have only heard of the mysteries to be found, search old book stores, or EBAY for mouldering copies. Currently, there are a dozen or so 1986 thru '88 copies on EBAY. I shan't be bidding. I still have the originals.

Happy Easter!
Toad

Roscoe the flying squirrel

Roscoe the flying squirrel is the one on the left. I believe.

Number one son and his family spent a week or so with us last month, and I just discovered this picture, although I remember talking about it at the time.  Mrs. T and I were heading out for the evening and somehow Roscoe ended up with a kiss on the forehead, from just sticked lips.

Toad

Ricky Jay

A frequently seen on late night 70's television was fellow fat man, and living American legend Ricky Jay and his 52 assistants. For those too young to remember, Ricky is a conjurer, a magician, a card throwing wizard, an incredible story teller, and an extremely entertaining author. His 52 assistants were a deck of playing cards.

On The Tonight Show he would warm up the audience by slowly demonstrating the how to of the 3 card monte, or the hid the ball trick, eventually he would work up to his grand finale, which was typically a display of card tossing. For instance he would ask someone in the back of the audience to hold up a banana. From the stage, Jay would throw a playing card in an effort to slice the fruit. Usually, he succeeded.

Since then he has not faded away. He has toured the world with his one man shows, appeared in many of David Mamet's movies and television shows, including Deadwood.

It has rained all day today and I have been rereading Mr. Jay's best seller "Learned Pigs and Fireproof Women". A touch of the off beat for a gloomy day. If the rain continues, tomorrow promises "Jay's Journal of Anomalies".






Toad

I stake my claim on Perlis

Ladies and Gentlemen, I stake my claim to being the first adult to arrive at Perlis Clothiers, 6070 Magazine Street, New Orleans, Louisiana, on foot, after having taken public transportation, since the introduction of the air conditioned automobile. You may contact Guinness for confirmation.

I, on the other hand confirm my order for a Guinness.

I mentioned to Mrs. T. at brunch that I was going out for the afternoon. She was welcome to come, but I hoped she had other plans.

So under the threat of severe storms and heavy hail, I hopped the St. Charles streetcar from the edge of the French Quarter to my intended stop at Webster and hoofed the 6 or 8 blocks to Magazine. Have I mentioned it was warm? Humid is understood, it is NO after all. Mercifully, the storms and hail held off.

Perlis is the place where the local Preppies live. I had a ball. Usual brands, with a most knowledgeable and helpful staff. I went for the white suit experience. One of the few places in the US where a man could pull this stunt off with a straight face. They probably had 100 running feet of racks of white linen suits.

It wasn't till later that I remembered what this reminded me of.

Ever take your sons, or perhaps recall your own experience, to that place where little boys get their First Communion suits? Just like that only for big boys. Sizes well into the 60's, just in case Sidney Greenstreet happened by.

What amazed me most of all was that the store was packed. Tuesday afternoon, heavy storms predicted. All I could figure was that must be the pre-Easter crowd, or it's just that good.

New suit arrived yesterday. Fits perfectly, and its just white enough to attract every mote of dirt, dog paw or wayward drip within 25 feet. Next week, I'm ordering the elusive gray/white seersucker suit.

Toad

Just a wonderment

Ok, so maybe I am not religious. However to my self described credit, I am respectful of the religious choices of others and am tolerant, perhaps too much. Sounds like I have the makings of a good Anglican.

I am also a respecter of tradition, perhaps one of the few left. Allow me to demonstrate.

For Christians and Jews this is a sacred week. Passover, Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter, all packed into a short period of time. For Believers this is the most important week of the year.

So why (OK I know why, let me rephrase this). How is it that this week also hosts The Masters, The New York Auto Show, countless baseball and sporting events all without outrage?

Anyone else remember when Sandy Koufax wouldn't pitch his turn in the World Series since it fell on Yom Kippur? Can you imagine a pro athlete with such convictions today?

Have we gone so soft? Have the greens keeper taken over the television world? My television will be off, and I'll be with family this weekend. I usually am anyway.

Toad

A Disappointment

I bet this has never happened to you.

It's rare I make morning appointments. I tend to sleep in, and let the world wake up before me. I believe that since I don't have to be anywhere at any particular time I can leave the merchants and doctor's early appointments for those who do not have the freedom of schedule I have. Makes me feel virtuous.

This morning I had an early appointment. Couldn't be helped. As I lie in the netherworld between dreaming and wakefulness, I mentally assembled my wardrobe for the day. I was gonna look pretty good.

Finally I awoke, had my coffee, attended my ablutions, headed to the closet to assemble my planned outfit, searched too long for the tie and realized I did not OWN a solitary piece of my day's pre assembled raiment. What a downer.

Toad

ballad of little dixie

The ballad of Little Dixie:



It's the heart of Missouri, blooded of three,

Virginia, Kentucky, and Tennessee.

It's a tall spare man on a bluegrass hoss.

It's sugar-cured ham without raisin sauce.

It's coon dog, coon, persimmon tree.

It's son or brother named Robert E. Lee.

It's tiger stalking a jay-hawk bird.

It's the best hog-calling that ever you heard.

It's fiddler fiddlin' you out of your seat,

Fiddler fiddlin' you off your feet.

It's bluebird singing in a hawthorn thicket.

It's vote to a man the Democratic ticket.

It's crisp brown cracklin's and hot corn pone.

It's catfish fried clean off the bone.

It's hominy grits and none of your scrapple.

It's mellow pawpaws and the Jonathan apple.

It's sorghum sweetenin' and belly-warming corn.

It's old Jeff Davis a-blowin' on his horn.

Unreconstructed it rares and bites

At touch of a rein that would curb its rights.

It's come in, stranger, draw up a chair;

There ain't no hurry and we'll all get there

ALDF

If you are fortunate enough to garden in a community with 4 seasons, eventually you will come to appreciate ALDF, the average last day of frost. It's a guide for the unwary.

Each March, as the days begin to warm, Lowe's Depot and their ilk begin to display their annual and perennial flower selections. Be careful, it's a trap.

With the warming days, you begin thinking about doing some planting for Easter. Family is coming over, it would be nice to add some color to the garden. Sucks 'em in every time.

As a counterpoint take a look at the full time garden shops. Nary a flower. Why? They know the ALDF. It's coming, but its not here yet.

In Mayberry, the average last day of frost is April 15th. I've been caught out on the 12th and 14th before, a sadder but wiser man go I.

For the past several weeks we have been in a rut. A day of 50, then 60 something , then 70 then back to 50. Those in a rush to plant before Easter once again have mother nature to contend with.

Saturday was 60 something, Sunday 50 is expected. Snow and a high of 35 forecast for Monday, frost Sunday night, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.

Every year they suck in the new, the unwary. It oughtta be a crime.

Toad

SSDD

Same photographer, one month earlier, March 2009 New Orleans Magazine. He's got the chops.

Toad

Flicker bulbs?

I promise not to go on forever about New Orleans, but I do have one last observation.

Gas lamps. One of the few remaining cities in the US where you will find a preponderance of old fashioned gas lamps. NO must have stood proud when then they told Jimmy Carter to suck wind. They were not turning their precious gas off.

Gas lantern have come a long way in the last 30 years, but as long as the man in the big truck delivers heat to our house, I'm not yet converting our coach lights to gas. I did discover a suitable substitute though. Flicker bulbs.

Used in moderation they give the appearance of gas light to any chandelier or porch light.

Once again, I realize I'm late to this party, but since they are unavailable in Mayberry (I've checked) I thought I'd pass it on.

Toad

Am I being too sensitive?

This ad appears in the April 2009 New Orleans Magazine, and frankly really offends my delicate sensibilities.

Take a close look, you'll see it.

I am willing to take the photo at face value. Pretty girl, beautiful dress, lovely setting. Yet, something is wrong with this portrait. Am I being too harsh?

Toad

Nahlins Part Deux

After Mondays dinner the thought of getting up and doing it again was initially a challenge. Why not Brennans' for brunch we decided.

I hadn't worn a tie in daylight in ages, but suitably attired, Mrs. T and I walked the few blocks to one of my favorite restaurants.

The forecast was hot , muggy with strong winds, heavy rains and large hail anticipated. We ate inside.

One of my favorite endeavours is watching rich people enjoying their leisure. That's why I always enjoy lunch out. I like watching the ladies who lunch, or the rich old geezers out much younger women who are not their wives. Long leisurely lunches are gifts from the heavens.

Brennan's did not disappoint. 

Finest Bloody Mary in America. Greatest brunch place in town.  Ate like kings and queens. The last word in service.

A friend of ours is a chef there. Sadly, he was off that day, but just the mention chopped the bill in half.

Toad

Imagine the madness

To catch up a bit.

Mrs. T won a trip for two several months ago. We were able to pick from a range of destinations, and selected Nahlins. We hadn't been there since her son's graduation from Tulane the spring before Katrina. Its warmer there than here and we've heard the food is pretty good.

MONDAY

So we left Monday afternoon, were met at the airport by a very nice man in a large shiny car. Arrived at the hotel, checked in, went to our suite and 5 minutes later was a knock at the door.

The concierge very politely welcomed us, wanted us to know the city was at our feet, reminded us of some of the better places, the off the tourist track places and dives. In closing he asked if we had dinner plans and how could he help. We asked he make reservations at Broussards. He said you'll want this then and handed over $500 cash. Enjoy your stay he said.

Imagine giving a fat man $500 to eat with in the Big Easy.

Before I tell you about Brussards let me share a little philosophy. Generally, Mrs T. and I enjoy good restaurants for the food. While out in Mayberry, we are perfectly content to eat dinner early, while the kitchen is gearing up for the mad evening rush, or even a late lunch, as long as we can linger. Dinner as competition, or to so see what neat guy is there is lost on us. Dinner at 6:30 it was.

Brussards is heaven.

The French Quarter was without power for most of the weekend. We were happy to see the world back in its orbit. The advantage of dining early is the staff still has time to be attentive. To linger, to tell you a story, to be people instead of robots. You get first dibs on the better cuts, fresh ingredients, love instead of rote.

The dinning room wasn't crowded, in fact nothing was crowded. We ate outside. The owner's young children played in the courtyard with us. I had the crab cake and smoked salmon appetizer, the chicken gumbo, roast duck with cherries, and chocolate pecan pie, coffee, gin, wine and brandy.

I had to carry the swooning Mrs. T home.

It was an extraordinary meal. The staff attentive, the setting ideal. I'd eat there every other day if I had the opportunity. Tomorrow, Tuesday at Brennan's.

Toad

Thank you Katy

New Orleans was fantastic. In fact it was my best trip to the Big Easy ever. I'll have a lot to say over the next day or so, in the mean time I need to decompress a bit, and let the memories sink in and attempt to separate fact from fun.

Additionally, I would like to take this opportunity those readers who have becoem followers. I appreciate your interest.

Thanks Katy for a great job.

Toad

It's all about who you know

I have a friend, S, who has spent the better part of the last year looking for a new job. She is currently employed but is looking to advance in her career and make more money than she currently is bringing home. While the job market is definitely tough – especially for those in marketing – there are jobs to be found. You just have to be a little flexible. This is the area where S lacks. For her, the job needs to be within a short radius of her house, have a sizeable paycheck and come with pretty standard hours. A few months back, S was interviewing for a job with a locally-based company and I casually mentioned to her that I have a friend, K who works at said company and was likely the final person she would interview with. I said I would put in a good word. Unfortunately for S, right around the time when the company was going to set up the final interview, they announced a hiring freeze and the position was put on hold indefinitely.

Spring forward three months later to present day when a local job website lists this same job as being available again. Needless to say, S contacted me immediately and asked that I put her in contact with K so that she could lobby for the desired position. I talked to K to make sure she would be OK with me passing out her contact information and introduced both women via email. I had sincerely hoped this would be the point at which I could excuse myself from the equation. I thought wrong. I have now been invited to happy hour with both women so that they can meet and network in person. I’m not sure why I need to be there but both feel pretty strongly that they would prefer my presence. At the end of the day, I want S to succeed and find a position that works for her but I don’t really want to be roped in to process. I certainly don’t want friend K to feel like I am pressuring her to make a hiring decision that she would not have done on her own and I don’t want S to feel like she is a shoe in just because I know the person doing the hiring. Hopefully after a glass or two of wine Tuesday night I can convey this to both friends and leave them to network amongst themselves. I realize that in business, who you know plays a very important role but I guess it begs the question of how far should you go to help a friend. Is it best to keep friendship and business separate or do you do what you can to help a friend succeed?

April Fools

I was going to have some fun with you and plan an April fool’s day prank for all of Toad’s loyal readers but it occurred to me that you don’t really know me all that well and probably wouldn’t know if I was joking or serious so I had to rethink that plan. I decided to channel Toad and though that something a little more historical was probably in order. So with that, I bring you the unconfirmed origins of April Fool’s Day.

According to several websites, April Fool’s Day began in the 1500s when the Gregorian calendar took over from the Julian calendar. With the Julian calendar, New Years was celebrated on April 1st. Given that the internet and cell phones had yet to be invented at the time of the switch, many were slow to learn about the calendar change. Those who continued to celebrate New Years on April 1st were teased as being “April Fools”. In my quick research on the topic I found that many cultures revel in this day, each having their own traditions. In England, April Fool’s Day is only celebrated in the morning as it’s considered bad luck to play a practical joke on someone after noon. In Scotland, April Fools Day is all about pranks involving the buttocks and apparently the “Kick Me” signs which are still seen on many a sitcom or highschool hallway can be traced back to Scotland. Who’d of thought? In the United States it is said that if a girl successfully pranks a young man, they will someday marry. Quite honestly, I had never heard this before today but it is a sweet thought so I’ll buy it. The world could use a little more sweetness in my opinion.
Be on your guard today. If you are as gullible as I am, someone is bound to get you! Hopefully it’s all in good fun.

Taco Night

My husband is one of those guys that you love to hate. He is 6’4” – 180lbs and can eat anything under the sun. Our grocery bills each week mirror that of a family of 4. A trip out to dinner is a pricy proposition and one that we don’t do too often. The man can eat. Imagine my pleasant surprise when I came across a flyer for a local pub that offered Taco Night on Mondays. Tacos are $1. Rice & Beans are $1 and Margaritas are $2. The thought of going out to dinner with G and spending less than $10 for him to be well fed and sufficiently quenched is pretty unheard of. Last night, when G got home and asked what we should have for dinner, I informed him that we were headed out for Taco Night. He was a little skeptical and I was a lot skeptical but it turned out great. The food and drinks were good and we left there fat and happy for under $20 including a nice tip. It is interesting to see what some retail establishments will do to get people in the door now that times are tough. I’m definitely not complaining and will continue do my part to help stimulate the economy on a local level. What are some down and dirty tactics that you are seeing in your areas to try and jump start the local economy?

Spring in Colorado

With Spring officially here and Easter right around the corner, I would like to applaud Mother Nature for once more having a sense of humor when it comes to Spring in Colorado. Two Sunday’s ago it was a balmy 80 degrees. I sat on my deck with my husband sipping Margaritas and daring to believe that it was time to put away all of my sweaters and dig out my spring and summer clothes. HA! Four days later there was 18” of snow in my back yard and blizzard warnings throughout the state. Over the weekend, it was sunny and relatively warm so that most of the snow melted leaving us with a wet, slushy mess. The news last night called for “slight chance of snow in the Denver area with little to no accumulation”. Another Ha! Woke up this morning and my yard was covered and the deck had another inch of two of wet, snow. Apparently meteorology is a guessing game. The forecasters here are wrong more than they are right and still bring in 6-figure incomes. Oh and another thing… If one more person says to me “We need the moisture so badly” I will scream. I get that we are in a drought and absolutely need the moisture but it’s spring…let it come in the form of rain. If I don’t see any more snow until next fall, I will be a happy girl. Unfortunately for me it looks like there are several opportunities over the next week to come to terms with the fact that Spring may have arrived in some places but definitely not in Colorado.

We're Off

I leave you in most capable hands, until Friday when its back to pot-luck.

Toad

NOLA Question

May I walk you down memory lane? Again I need your help.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, I used to spend some time in NOLA. In Metarie was a fabulous old restaurant. Reminded one in many ways of Antoines.

Can anyone remember the name? Is it still there?

Thank you once again, as always.

Toad

The Worst

My final contender for the worst car ever may be a surprise to many of you. It's a car I own and adore. It was built during the heyday of British labor troubles. It's from the era which demanded Maggie Thatcher's rise from obscurity. My contender, the Rolls Royce Silver Shadow and its kissing cousin, the Bentley T.

To my eye the Bentley T is beautiful. It's iconic. It's driving your den. 19 cows died to provide the leather interior. A tree was felled to book match the wood. An engine virtually unchanged since the war wafts you through traffic. Let the proles worry about the 8 miles per gallon. You are above the masses in your Rolls Royce.

So what's not to love? Unlike many old cars the RR/B demands your respect. You ignore this car at your peril. IT WILL KILL YOU IF IGNORED TOO LONG.

Most cars, you roll to the back of the garage, shine it up and pull it out on a sunny day, drive for a couple of hours, put it back into the garage unthought of for several months, and then do it again. Do that in a Shadow and your friends will read about your grieving family.

Several super secret RR safety features will bite the unwary so hard they will never come unloose. For instance, if the engine is turned off, the car HAS NO BRAKES. Should you push a Rolls out of the way, it may not stop.

Put her in neutral, give her a push, not only will the brakes not work, you won't be able to force it into gear to stop. Won't go. A bad alternator can get you killed.

There are at least 5 other hidden yet instant killers on these cars. Uninitiated shoppers can find old Shadows pretty cheap. It's a false economy. I love mine, but I respect it more.

So why do I keep mine? I'm looking forward to the day our children take away our keys. In my fantasy world, I plan to become a sorority service project. We'll sellect a sorority, and each pledge will become our chauffeur for a week.

Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons, about 12:30, a young lady will come over, fire up Camilla, help Mrs. T and I into the car, drive us to the library and then off to lunch. On the way home we can stop at the grocery or post office. Old people love that.

I'd do it today but it would be a real tough sell. At home and the sorority house.

Toad

Love at first sight?

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Allow me to share a story. When Katy was little, we lived next door to Rex and Sallie, a couple a few years older than we. Sallie went to University of Missouri. Rex was a football player at Arizona State. During Sallie's sophomore year, ASU played at MU. Sallie got one look at Rex on the sidelines, said that he was the one, transferred to ASU in January, looked him up, let him know he was the one, ended up marrying the lad, and they had 5 years of wedded bliss.

Around year 6 things turned south. Rex finished graduate school, and got a fabulous job offer in Saudi Arabia. Sallie was Jewish, and wasn't inclined to go. I still see her around periodically.

I fell head over heels the first time I saw Mrs. T. That was 13 years ago, and have never looked back. Boys and girls it's out there. You need to be open to the possibility.

Toad.

Wouldn't it be cool

Anyone else remember Chicago Hope?

Wouldn't it be incredibly cool if ER ended as an homage, the same way as CH?

Toad

Nahlins

About this time last month I mentioned Mrs. T and I were off to New Orleans for several days. We leave Monday. Darling daughter Katy will be in full charge around here in my absence. We'll return late Thursday.

Judging by our itinerary we are going to eat ourselves into culinary comas. Breakfast at French Market or Court of Two Sisters.

Luncheon at Commanders Palace. Dinners at Brennans, K Paul and Brousards.

Should you have any great shopping or sight seeing suggestions pass them on. My only plan thus far is to stop by Perlis to try on the GTH White Linen Suit I ordered last spring. It finally came in. Hopefully, I''ll get to visit Julia Reed's House on First Street as well.

Toad

Could this be the worst?

Remember the Lotus Europa? Just might be the worst automobile ever built. It's sole redeeming feature is that for its time it was gorgeous.

Note the size of the lad climbing in, and remember that this was not a race car. Your eyeballs did just line up with the bumper of the Caddy in front of you. A pick up could pull over you and never know it.

The late Jimmy Clark used to race for Lotus which got me thinking about this beast. Lotus's hallmark was to make a car as light as they could, then make it lighter, on the supposition it would go faster.

So imagine some of this cars features. It sat two, which was important, because it's always good to have someone to help you push. Only a fool would leave home in one expecting to arrive at his destination and back. The body was fiberglass. Not only light, but offered stunning crash protection. The engine was French.

Making the car lighter removed most of the supports, so the side impact support became the drivers and/or passenger's hip bone. Your chest, head and feet would protect the rear mounted engine in a front end crash. Your back would protect the engines forward momentum in a rear crash.

It was physically impossible to get a girl into one, in spite of what the ads showed.

Occasionally, I'll see one at an old car show, and smile. A buddy of mine received one for his 16th birthday. Sold it 6 months later. This I promise is my last car thing for a while.

Toad

Happy New Year Part 3

Calendars are funny things.

From 150 AD until 1582 (or 1752, more later) March 25 was New Years Day. Huh? Allow me to explain.

Around 150 AD Catholic church leaders decided by unanimous consent to reinvent the Roman holiday Saturnalia, the winter solstice, as the celebration of the birth of Jesus. December 25th was the agreed upon date. With me so far?

Around the same time, devotion to Jesus' mother came into vogue, and a feast day known as Lady's Day was created. Lady's Day marked the beginning of the church year. Not so coincidentally, Lady's Day, now known as Annunciation Day was placed nine months before Christmas, or March 25.

If you have ever wondered why the 8th month (oct ober) was really the 10th, or the 10th month (Dec ember) was 12 begin looking here.

Around 1582, the Gregorian calendar was instituted throughout Catholic Europe. Its big improvement was to reinstate New Years on January 1, and moved the major liturgical celebrations to a more fixed time period. It took almost 200 years for the remainder of Europe to finally get in step. England didn't change until 1752.

And there boys and girls is your history lesson for the day. How, or more importantly, why do I know this? It's my birthday.

Toad

Mommas don't let your sons...

Remember that old country song "Mommas don't let your sons become bloggers"?

I'm why that song was written.  Let me explain.

I may have mentioned, that I'm not always as smart as I'd hope to be.  So for the past several weeks I have been up to my eyeballs trying to figure out what happened to my daily blog titles.  I worried myself sick trying to identify the how and whys of fixing the problem.

So finally, I drug my professional programming genius son in law, kicking and screaming into the case.  He took a look at it, and about a minute later, without calling me (out loud) a dumbass or anything, suggested that if I changed the color of my blog titles from white, on the white background.... 

Thank you Gary.

Toad

Disappearing Title Test

Why is that sometimes my titles don't show? I must admit it cause me woe.

That is all.

Biscuits

I have taken leave of my senses.

I'm dog sitting this week, it's late in the evening, my fuzzy charge is asleep on my chest, I am watching a PBS program " The Rise of Southern Biscuits", and getting hungry. Three little ingredients.

Now, I know as well as you, that you make the best biscuits ever was.  I also know my biscuits will make you weep, every day you can't have one.  Every mother, in my case father, made the finest biscuits ever,and all else fail in comparison.  

Few other foods are so rooted in home.  Sadly, it's also a dying art.  Families don't take the time to preserve their traditions, and we all lose as a consequence.  

Toad

Boyhood Hero

This is one of my boyhood heroes. Mr. Jimmy Clark, a Scottish farmer turned World Champion Grand Prix driver. This photo was taken immediately after his first F1 win, the 1962 GP of Belgium. Jimmy died in a race car, in Hockenheim Germany in 1968.

For years, this photo lived next to a picture of Jean Shrimpton. My how times have changed.

Toad

Regional Cuisine

Is there a local delicacy, something that can only be found within 50 miles or so of your house?

We were having this discussion over dinner last night. Eastern Missouri is known for two things, which you couldn't find with money in the western side. Toasted Ravioli and pork steaks.

Toasted Ravioli is a deep fried ravioli, served with red dipping sauce and Parmesan cheese sprinkles on top. Generally, served as an appetizer, its as ubiquitous as Budweiser. Pork steaks are whole pork butts cut into 1- 11/2 inch steaks. Best served bar b-qued.

Western Missouri prides itself on its chicken fried steak. CFS is essentially batter dipped and pan fried round steak. Absolutely unavailable in or around Mayberry.

Philly has scrapple and cheese steaks.

What's available only near your back yard?

Toad

Thanks MOTR

Thank you MOTR for the recommendation of The House on Tradd Street, by Karen White. It was a pleasant diversion for an afternoon.

Toad

hope for the future

Crocs auditor raises a red flag
Posted Mar 19th 2009 7:00AM by Zac Bissonnette
Filed under: Bad news, Crocs Inc (CROX)

Not so long ago, Crocs Inc. (NASDAQ: CROX) was riding high as its rubberized clog-like sandal shoes were the hottest thing in retail.

Now the fad has died, sales have fallen through the floor, the economy has tanked and worst of all, the company's auditors have "expressed substantial doubt" about the "company's ability to continue as a going concern."

This is the first good news I've seen in quite a while.

I'm shedding crocodile tears over this. A very good friend of our family purchased a substantial portion of the company's shares when they went public several years ago. He was unbearable as the stock price rose to silly numbers. He hasn't sold. Gravity works. Enuf said.

Toad

A German Lemon

I was minding my own business this afternoon, surfing through the local Craigslist and came across one of these treasures for $2100. I hadn't seen or thought of one in years. One of the world's best worst cars.

For you youngsters its a mid 70's Porsche 914, 2 litre in this case.

The car is a hybrid VW /Porsche bastard. At the time this was built, VW was attempting to buy Porsche, and thought they could build a car together to see how things would work out.

The two companies took the worst of their parts bins and built a car. It was slow, the engine was post bug VW. Mostly ugly, until you removed the leaking lift off roof, and sounded horrible. Porsche's contribution came later with the 6 cylinder models. For Porsche's they were cheap, for VW expensive.

Should you find one now, be very careful getting in and out of it. The leaking roof eventually caused the floors to rot. Other than that they are just rubbish, like much of the 70's automobile industry. For those not keeping track, VW never did buy Porsche. Porsche is now VW's largest shareholder.

Toad

Create your own Tartan

I received an email from Scot web store.com this afternoon announcing their new product. A create your own tartan service. I have no connection with them except as a happy customer. The pound is cheap. This might be fun.

I quote from their email:

"Our Biggest News for Years

Today we're taking the wraps off our latest, and maybe greatest, feature. And you, our valued members, are invited to be the very first to use this free facility. We think it may change the world of tartan forever. Read on...

And to celebrate, we're giving our best-ever member offers on tartan! For a short time only you'll get deep deep discounts on tartan fabrics, swatches, oddment bags, and superb tartan products. These deals will never be repeated.



Design your own kilts, skirts, fabrics...

Now you can now design your own tartan kilts, skirts, fabrics, or any other tartan product - exactly as you like. It's easy, fun, affordable, and infinitely creative. Design your own family, business, or club plaid, without the traditional costs of expert services.

Read all about this exciting new development below. Then try it for yourself. And do please take a moment to tell us what you think...



A tiny catch - it's Invitation Only...

But don't worry, you're invited! Just ask for a personal invitation...

Because this is so ground-breaking, we want to restrict access for the initial launch. We'd prefer our existing customers and friends to road-test the facility before we admit the public at large. So we have an initial batch of 500 invitations available, on a first-come-first-served basis. (Others will be added to a Waiting List.)

And once you're in, you can invite a few of your own friends in turn. Five, in fact. This way we know it's going to be mostly tartan lovers who use the service in its early stages.



Load any existing Tartan

If you've never designed a tartan before (and let's face it, this probably describes most of us!) the easiest way to start is by playing around with ones you already know. We make this easy.

You can search our Gallery for any tartan already recorded with the Scottish Tartans Authority. Or you can load designs other users have created and chosen to share (optional).



Edit or design from scratch

The heart of our new facility is a superbly easy-to-use interface to let you design your own tartan patterns. If you've seen any other system like this before, think again! No technical knowledge is required. It's easy-peasy, but still a very powerful, tool.

Click on colours, choosing from several different palettes. These include a Simple set, a Pro set, and another set based on our own weaver's threads, with photographs of actual cones of yarn!

Once you've picked your colours, just drag the sliders that have appeared. It's that easy. And as you do so, your plaid will appear magically before your eyes. It all happens instantly on screen (through technical wizardry that's so clever we've patented it!).



Save and share your creations

You can save your tartan designs to come back t o whenever you're logged into our site. Not only that, but if they are 'Finalised' (which means no more editing!) you'll also find them appearing as an additional purchasing option for relevant products, such as kilts or skirts, in our main web site.

You can also opt to share your designs in the online Gallery, just by ticking a box. This means other users can also comment on them, design variations of them (which are fully tracked), and even buy fabrics in your designs. And if anyone does so, you'll earn a 10% Royalty in Scotweb Points!


And, of course, the best bit is...

You can buy fabrics, and order custom-made kilts, skirts, household goods, ties, scarves, tartan accessories, cuddly toys, and dozen of other products in any tartan you design!

We can weave your fabric in a short length (only a little longer than a single traditional kilt) in a medium or heavy weight wool, with a proper kilting selvedge. And we can also produce light weight wool, polyviscose, polycottons, and various other fabrics at incredibly affordable prices.

We also offer massive discounts for bulk orders. And for professional or corporate designs, we can also provide a fully tailored design, review, and liaison service including special dying of yarns in your precise colour specifications, and expert help from a world-leading authority"

Toad

Channeling Bunny

There is a blog I'd love to read.

The creators would be the cool kids. You for instance. As the mood strikes you would post your best finds, wish list, party pictures, public service announcements, invitations, fashion and style tips. Everything you ever wanted to post, but didn't fit your regular blog.

It's also an outlet for those who didn't want the everyday pressure of their own blogs. Everyone could post.

I haven't yet figured the logistics, but I have created a blog Channeling Bunny

Now, much like a Face Book friend I invite you to join. Let me know if you'll play, invite your friends and I'll add your (their) name to the list of contributors. I figure a couple of hundred would do.

If its a really dumb idea let me know, and in a heart beat I'll cancel it. Sounds like a good idea though. Perhaps someone is already doing it. What do I know?

Toad

PS I am in full time grandpa mode for the next couple of days, so things may be spotty. I don't think so though. I hope not.

Ted's Haircut

The weeds are turning green, Ted the Wonder Dog is beginning to shed, it's time for his haircut. But first this story.



Ever make one of the phone calls that 10 seconds into it, you know you have made a horrid mistake and all you can do is hang on for the ride. I had one Sunday.



Sunday afternoon, I called to make an appointment for Ted at his favorite spa. Conversation goes like this



I may want to make a haircut appointment for Ted.



Let me check your records. OK I've got it.


What is going tariff?


Bath is $34, papaya facial scrub is $16.. (I reminded him this was for a dog)


My wife got a free facial at the mall Friday. How much is the water? Can you use something else, Ted doesn't care for papaya? For $50 bucks you throw in the haircut, don't you?


Haircut is $48, nail trim is......


What time Monday can I bring him?


No, can't see him before Wednesday. We'd like him here by 8:30.


Ted, doesn't get up before 10.


WE'D LIKE HIM HERE BEFORE 8:30.


Are you likely to start before he gets there? $200 for a dog's haircut? Sounds steep to me.



Ted does like his trips to the barber though. Comes home smelling of cigarettes and cheap perfume. It take days to get that smile off his face, and he really gets angry if you try to pry off the cheap (at $200) bandanna.


Number one son and his family along with their dog Roscoe the Flying Squirrel, are coming to visit this week. Ted's gotta look nice.


Down the street from Ted's local is Dogs R Us. $48 nose to tail. 6pm Monday.


So what have I learned from this. First I love Dogs R US. More importantly I owe regular reader Kathleen an apology. Last week she wrote about building a dog bath, which caused much silent mirth. Today I'm looking at the pool house where I have hot and cold water. Now I gotta figure how to hook a hose connection to the hot.


Toad

How many electricians....

What do you call the bilingual on a work crew? Boss!

The local electric company tends to over react to customer service complaints when power outages are caused by tree limbs falling on their lines. To minimize the complaints they have taken on a slash and burn policy,

So, much like mid Georgia, at the approach of General Sherman's army, for the past several days you could hear the chain saws coming. Closer and closer.

Thursday, a flak catcher from the electric company stopped by, and casually mentioned that his gang would be moving through the area. Did we mind if they brought their trucks up our drive? Then he proceeded to tell me about their plans to top the trees that may have limbs growing over the lines in the next few years, until they could bury them.

Casually, I asked why they just didn't remove the trees, instead of killing them.

That sounded like a splendid idea to him, and he would have the boys do just that.

Friday morning the gang showed up. How many electricians does it take to to cut down a tree, I ask you?

Either way I have a lot of firewood I wasn't counting on. If only Mrs. T would be willing to split it.

Toad

Out of Touch

May I tell a story on myself?

For a very long time, I believed that "the day the music died" referred to the day the Beatles broke up. Singularly and collectively, with the exception of the Plastic Ono Band, the band members constitute most of what I know about music. Admittedly, not much eh?

So Jim Bob asked the wife and I to join he and his bride for dinner recently. I let him pick where. He said how 'bout Sammy's Beach Bar? Since we are only 1000 miles from the nearest beach it sounded like a good idea.

We get there, sat down and I asked the waitress, why it was so damn loud. She said it was because we were at Sammy's. I must of looked like the dufus kid on the right, because Jim Bob, told her not to worry, he'd take care of it. Quickly, she ran off.

Jimmy begins with how Sam is a singer. What he sing I inquired. "I can't drive 55."

What else? I don't know, says he, but probably a lot of stuff.

Ladies and Gentlemen. until that time I had never, ever heard of Sammy Haggar. Still don't know much, but he makes a pretty good chicken wing.

Toad

Beware the ides of March

The Awakening

Sometimes the stars align just right.

For the last 27 years my favorite outdoor sculpture, J. Seward Johnson's "The Awakening" has been living in Washington DC. It's positively stunning, in size (100 ft long, 17 ft high) and scope. Unforgettable and frightening at the same time. I just don't see it often enough.

Now its leaving Washington, and moving to my backyard. OK, maybe a crow fly mile away. I can barely wait.

You are each welcome to be our guests at its unveiling which is scheduled for early fall 2009. Looking forward to meeting y'all.

Toad

Marco Pierre White - Cool Guy

Cool Guy. Marco Pierre White

Admit it. Until Wednesday night's television show you have never heard of Marco Pierre White. Tony Bourdain fans have known him a long time. Its OK. He's English. You don't have to know every cool guy in the world. That's why I'm here. MPW is one of the cool ones.

First the photo above. Anthony Bourdain says its the photo that made him want to be a chef. Young, brooding, determined. Have you ever seen a better looking guy? A guy girls mothers warned them about. A young Keith Richards perhaps.

MPW evolved from this to be a food star, and one of the world's great restaurateurs. For sport check out his inn and restaurant The Yew Tree.

So now he's a little older. Got a bit more cash in the pockets. Still driven, still brooding, more of a perfectionist than ever. Better looking too. It's claimed he made Gordon Ramsey cry when Gordon apprenticed with him.

It's tough to find a photo of him that doesn't look like every other. In a suit he's Saville Row, Shirts are pretty conservative in a non-British sort of way, no checks, or loud stripes. When you do catch him in a tie it looks like a very Italian get up. I'd sell your soul for his hair.

Obligatory Cigar shot.

Like most cool guys he has his share of styling tics. Often in a suit, you'll see him with no tie, shirt sleeves unfastened, no socks, wearing tennis shoes, especially those stupid vintage Vans. Not everyone can pull that off without looking like an idiot. It takes elan, which he has in spades.

Looks happy with the wife doesn't he?

Toad

The well dressed blog

Anyone else seen The Well Dressed Blog? Your Swedish may be a bit rusty, but as often as not you'll get the idea.

Toad

Dear Miss Manners

Dear Miss Manners:

I read your column frequently, and have not seen my problem addressed. Once again let me explain.

I neither Face Book nor Tweet.

In my mind I have rationalized my refusal to Book on the following grounds.
a. I'm too old.
b. I have worked hard over the years to edit my friend closet on an as needed basis.
c. Perhaps I am either anti or too social. I haven't decided
d. I'm male, married, and never want to end up on Dr. Phil or in front of the green eyed monster defending my friend list.

However, I'm still have that tinge of sadness whenever I refuse someone's generous proposal to be their friend. Of course I want to be their friend. Just not their Face Book friend.

So Miss Manners, we are all new at this, just what is the netiquette of asking someone to be your friend? How does a gentleman graciously refuse?


Toad

A thousand pardons

It has come to my attention that blog titles are suddenly not appearing on the posts.  I thought it was just mine.

After a little dance I have discovered what I believe to be the cure, just gotta learn a bit of html to implementit. Hope to have them restored soon.

Toad

Billy Mays where are you?

My wife and family take immense pleasure reminding me, often, that I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer. It's been my cross to bear for many years. I know it, and compensate, by observing the "best practices" of husbands whose high usefulness have been pointed out as exemplars. My current model, is the husband of a noted Kansas City writer.

So, Tuesday afternoon, Mrs. T asked what was on my plate for the day. It was a gorgeous March day. Atypically warm, near 80, with a chance of snow for later in the day.

I reminded her of our appointment with the taxman Thursday, and mentioned I have not yet begun preparations. So being a glorious day I went outside.

There is a job I have put off long enough. Today was the day.

I love porch rockers. We have 4 that are out year round. They are perfect whenever you want to think a job through. They are not perfect whenever they are black with mold and mildew.


In the fall I attempted power washing them, but they laughed at my ministrations. So I took the high road.

Now, every woman on the planet knows that you cannot do what I did. There is a product that removes mold and mildew from wooden rockers. Billy Mays sells it. I don't have a clue what it is.

So I resorted to the traditional method utilized by grandmothers in days gone by.

STRAIGHT BLEACH.

Took a plastic dish, a bottle of bleach, paint brush, and a hose. Mrs. T took one look at me and I got the dreaded eye roll, followed by the what's the matter with you?

The paint brush was powerful inefficient but the result was wonderful.

So what is the RIGHT way?

Toad

Cynic Warning

I hate that I have become so cynical lately, but would anyone, be the least bit surprised if the ghost of Dr. Kivorkian visited the Bernie Madoff residence before Thursday morning?

Should you require further proof that this is a great country, I submit the following. Bernie Madoff still lives. In a less just country he would have been offed by now.

Toad

Dufus

I liberated this photo from Selectism's great web site, and in fact stole most of the idea for this post from them too.

Look at the two photos. They are Patek Phillipe ads, espousing their tag line, You never really own a PP. You merely look after it for the next generation. Invariably the ads show a father son team of do gooders.

Look closely at the lad on the right. Undoubtedly you've seen that look before. If you're lucky, it's the look you get on the way into the principals office as your son is about to be suspended. "The look is generally followed by "I didn't do nuthin' wrong".

Or, for the not so fortunate, it's the one you get when you pick him up Sunday morning from the local constable's store. "Duh, I didn't know I couldn't do that".

Now look at he kid on the left. He is dating his new step father's daughter. She lives with her mother, so is fair game. His swarmy Dad's dating his son's new step fathers sister, and its eating his ex's heart out. Thanksgiving will never be normal again.

Toad

Didn't you hope this was true of you?

I came across this story in my travels recently, and thought it may strick a chord or two. Ever wonder who those people in your family are?




Switched at Birth - Man Says He's Lucky to Have Two Mothers
by Bethany Sanders Mar 6th 2009 5:00PM
Categories: In the news, Weird but true


As a child, Fred George never fit in. His Lebanese family was a dark-haired, outgoing bunch, while he was a shy blond. Across town, another boy, Jim Churchman -- the only brunette in his fair Scottish family -- felt the same way."People teased me when I was younger," says George. "They said: 'You're a Churchman' ... but I didn't want to know." What was suspicion became truth. At the age of 57, long after George had moved to the U.S., the two men finally had a DNA test and discovered they'd been switched at birth. Born just two hours apart on Christmas Eve in 1946 in Dunedin, New Zealand, they'd been placed in the wrong bassinets at the hospital.This week George flew back to New Zealand to surprise the mother who never had a chance to raise him, Helen Churchman, on her 82nd birthday. "I feel I've two families," George said. "And I've been so lucky to have had two mothers." There's also a big blow-out planned for the reunion of the two changelings.



From ParentDish


Toad

Politically incorrect or just old

You know that old chestnut, white woman waiting for an elevator, finally it opens and there is a large group of young black men inside waiting for her. What's she to do?

Mrs. T and I were in Kansas City for the weekend, taking rooms at our home away from home, Uncle Harry's. So Mrs. T is about to leave me for a bit and at that last minute I decide to join her, just as the elevator arrives, and sure enough the elevator is half full of young black men. All the way down, I'm imagining what if.

As it was, they were a great bunch of guys, and as well as you can we had a very nice trip down, kidding the guys about how well they were turned out. Although I did point out they needed pocket square for their jackets.

So we got down stairs and the men were whisked off pretty quickly by a couple of huge guys waiting for them. Then the screeching started. There was a gaggle of girls in the lobby who though they had seen the second coming.

Thinking they were not yelling for me, I just had to ask, who were they?

Ever hear of 'Mint Condition"? I hadn't either.

Toad

Jerk

You've read the news. "He was such a nice, quiet man" "Such a good neighbor, never had any trouble with him". Then he finally snaps and takes out half the zip code. You want to envy the guy, but then the Kool Aid kicks in, and you say bad man, very bad.

Well friends, should/if/when I finally snap, (no this is NOT an attempt to be saved, thank you very much) please tell anyone who will listen what an awful malcontented jerk I was. I've yelled at my dog, was an anti-social and unchurched orphan, didn't shave every day. Smoked cigars, and didn't always cut the grass on time. A blind man could have foretold my undoing.

Please spread the news, if for no other reason, than to screw up the profiling. Might benefit the next guy.

Why should the quiet guys have all the fun and attention?

Toad

Remember these?

The sterling ID bracelet.

Once upon a time, say late 60's, very early 70's these were the bees knees. Practically every well dressed young buck sported their own monogrammed, or cursive scripted named ID bracelet. As often as not they ended up on the wrist of the young blade's current heart throb. I suspect that in many women's jewelry box there may be more than one. It was always something of a surprise to me how many guys bought these in multiples.

Way back then, they were a throw back to the military unit bracelets, which many of our dad's and other vets still wore.

I hadn't thought about these since forever, and was reminded while looking at the J Crew catalog. The one pictured above retails for $150 or so. They didn't used to cost so much.

Toad

NY State Speeding Tickets?

Who knows from NY speeding tickets?

In Missouri, a speeding ticket game is played with full knowledge of everyone involved. When you get a ticket, you hire a lawyer for $100. The lawyer gets your speeding charge changed to jaywalking, your fine is doubled and everyone, except the insurance companies win.

Is this the case in NY state?

Bonus daughter Mindy picked up an especially egregious piece of litter from a trooper in NY on her way home for spring break. The ticket clearly says when and where court is, but there is no mention of other options, like pleading guilty and mailing a check or...

I appreciate your sharing.

Toad

Wanna Bear?

Up for auction today mon amis is this 9 foot grizzly bear ( the one in back please). Currently living in Arizona, he is looking for a good home. I don't have ceilings to accommodate, and do have misgivings about taxidermy which was not dispatched by the family displaying it. Call me old fashioned.

Both my objections are easily surmounted, and if you are interested check it out. Openers are modest. Perhaps you are wont to surprise Hollister with a gift. Natch, the usual disclaimers apply.

Toad

Farmers only

Farmers Only is a match making service for the landed set. Their tag line, "City folks just don't get it" speaks volumes about their philosophy. I think I do get it, and that worries me.

I have nothing but respect for those who earn their living on the land. It is hard work. The pay is not that good, and the expenses are mostly out of your control. Sun up 'till sundown makes a man old quickly. Inconveniently located. Few good libraries nearby either. Thank god for Kindle.

So what's a girl to do? She's looking for a man of the earth, they find happiness on line. They email, they cell, they just never meet. Crop about to go in, come out, cattle to be cared for, cows to be milked. He's never off. Is he just not that into you, or is he just shy?

So naturally, she has to travel. A long way. She's a farm girl herself, she knows the hardships, she raises sheep, comes to find he's allergic to natural fibers. The twain shall never meet.

Toad

(thanks to The Dish)

Opening Day

March 1st is the traditional opening day of trout season in Missouri. Scenes like the one above are plentiful in the area papers. Looks like fun doesn't it?

There are several things you can count on if you head to one of the states bountiful, well stocked trout streams. It will be cold. It will be crowded. Many of the "anglers" around you will be terribly drunk, and mostly pretty angry. The drunkest are sure to tangle your line at every opportunity. That way when you, using your politest voice, ask them to take a nap, you will be confronted by a cold, angry, abusive drunk. You got an even chance he's armed too. Do not take the kids.

Tight lines.

Toad

I'm thinking about...

I'm thinking about winning the lottery this year.

Not the measly weekly $10-$20 million, but the ruin your great-grand kids lives $300-$400 million type.

Sadly, or fortunately, I am too old, and too set in my ways to have it change my life. I am not moving, don't want a jet, not buying a second or third home. Don't want servants. Have no latent hobbies.

After re-jigging the family trust so everyone gets a relatively small distribution and a monthly allowance, setting up a family philanthropic foundation, and getting citizenship in ADG's new kingdom (if taxes are low), all that is left to do is to buy a few toys.

Seems kinda wasted on me, but its a burden I'd gladly accept. Pleasecontinue to buy your weekly chances. My tailors need the money.

Toad

Can you have too much madras?

Catalogs are evil.

In these troubled times we need no more reminders of how stupid we can become armed with only a high speed internet connection and a credit card.

From the folks at Herrington I present the Sperry Madras Deck shoe. Available for big girls only. Other plaids and styles available. Slides anyone? $80.00

Check out the madras wellies while you're there too.

Toad

auberon waugh

''There are countless horrible things happening all over the country, and horrible people prospering but we must never allow them to disturb our equanimity or deflect us from our sacred duty to sabotage and annoy them whenever possible" Auberon Waugh

Thanks to Admiral Cod for the reminder.

Toad

Canned Pancakes, the finale

Just to prove that I can take it as well as dish it out, may I present my last word on canned pancakes.

With thanks to a regular reader I present this, batter blasters the story of how BB's came to be.

Toad