Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The Census Lady

By nature I am not much of a conspiracy theorist. I don't have the energy. My default position is that if some, Church, Corporation or Government official is going to take the time from their busy day to spin me, they're lying. Might be cynical, but I do know the price of important things, and experience has proven me right more often than not. Go with your gut.

So this morning, there's a knock at the door. We don't get many drop in visitors, especially at that hour of the day. Our friends and family know that we do not want to be seen or talked to much before 10 am. So anyway I need to deal with the door.

Turns out to be a middle age woman representing the Census Bureau.
Is this your front door? she asks.

No I reply, its our back door.

Can you show me the front door?

Why? It's just like this, same color, other side of the house.

I need to see it, please.

OK, walk 180 degrees to the right or left. Stop when you come to the red door. That will be it. Off she goes.

What I did not mention is that there is no real access to the front door. It's a facade. To get there you need to stomp through mud, and up or down a hill,and through the bushes, depending on which direction you go. Don't mind the dog, I cautioned, he may want to jump.

Soon there is knock at the front door. She's kinda unhappy with me.

Just what are you doing I enquire.

I need the exact GPS coordinates of every front door on my list.


Its for the census next year.

I can think of a hundred and six reasons to want that data, but none good. Do you have any ideas?

Happy tax day btw.


Anonymous said...

Hello Toad,
I think it's to reduce the amount of time census workers spend looking for addresses in the future - BUT you can be sure this info gets sold to someone, somewhere.
You made it too easy for her - a trifle more harassment and interrogation from you, to make it worth her trip, and your time, was in order (!!)
It's her presumptuousness and colossal sense of entitlement that gives these situations bad names.
Cheers! WI Reader

Turling said...

I think it's so the satelite assigned to your block knows exactly where to look when big brother wants to nab you to rent your body to the aliens hiding behind the moon. The best defense is a tin foil hat. Fools them every time.

ADG said... are cooked man. Found out. Tagged. Identified. Vectored. Discovered. Counted. Fingered. I for one, am gonna miss you when they come back to haul you away.


Toad said...

About that island kingdom....

ADG said...

About that island kingdom....

Indeed. It may be time.

Free Kansas said...

"When the going gets tough, the tough turn pro."--- DR. HST

Toad said...

I believe the good Dr. said," when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro".

Free Kansas said...

Oh... and next time just remind them what happened to Savage Henry!

Free Kansas said...

You are correct Toad. My HST history was corrupted by the constant rambling in my right ear. Where do they find these people.

Toad said...


Hurry please

ADG said...

Toad....I've picked this one.

Toad said...

What's foraminifera?

Can there be such a thing as too many bunnies?

When do we leave?

ADG said...

Foriminifera...a very unique shaped.

Bunnies...must be well vetted.

I'm sending an advance team first, before the rest of us embark. Gotta have the campaign furniture, outdoor culinary aparati and cocktail kit good to go beforehand.

Gladys said...

Well if the census lady comes to see me I can just fire up the wheels and move my house down a spot. ;)

Toad said...

Watch out Gladys, I think they are taking aim at us.

Easy and Elegant Life said...

Really? The front door... I'm slipping down the alley from here on out. Despite the great 'possum incident of Saturday.

Forewarned... thanks.

northsidefour said...

Do you recall the census skit on Saturday Night Live a few years ago? Hilarious.

kathleen said...

Great opening question. Is this your front door? It sounds like you had some fun with the census visitor.