Sunday, August 2, 2009

Dating Tips for Gentlemen-Part 1 Redux

As we quickly approach the first anniversary of this humble blog, I looked back and realized some of my favorite posts date to when I was writing to an audience of 1. So I decided it was time to bring some favorites back into the light, in the hope of benefiting some who were not here a year ago, or those who don't read archives. Today and the next 2 Sundays are oldies but goodies. This from September 24, 2008.

It may be reasonably asked, Toad you're old and married, where do you get off giving dating tips? Let me answer this way. Consider it a public service announcement. Also, because I am older, wiser, more experienced, and have more common sense than you.

Like all rules, some of these are made to be broken. I have ignored them all over the years and lived to tell the tale. That is not a strong recommendation, for dismissing them out of hand.

Also, let me suggest the following before reading. These may, or may not, apply to boy-boy, girl-girl encounters. I am blissfully ignorant of such goings on. Additionally, I believe the following to be true. If you are unemployed, you probably shouldn't be dating. Unemployment saps the self confidence and self confidence is vitally important on a first date. Secondly, married women are out of bounds, to gentlemen, at all times.

My 10 Commandments

1. There is an implied contract when asking a woman for a date. The implication is that you are an interesting person, and believe that she may also be a person of interest, and you are willing to find that out, by asking for a date. If she accepts she too is interested.

In short, the first date is about her.

2. Primp: A day or so before the date, call and tell her exactly where she is going, and what she is going to do. Then lay out your clothes. Are they clean, do they fit, do they need pressing? Shine your shoes.

I admit a certain embarrassment in mentioning this, but much observation makes me tell you, to shower, shave, brush your teeth, comb your hair and make yourself presentable. There is absolutely nothing wrong in being the best dressed man, wherever you are going.

Ever watch your sister get ready for a date? The girls spend a lot more time getting ready than you. Honor your date by looking your best.

3. Wash your car, get gas, go to the ATM before you pick her up. You asked her, you're paying, no questions asked. Turn off your car radio when you get to her house. You have different tastes in music. Don't kill your chances here.

4. Be prepared for anything when you knock on her door. She may live at home, so you may get to meet her parents. Perhaps she has young children. Be polite, be interested. Don't kick her cat.

5. Turn off your cell phone, or at least set it on vibrate. If you answer it you die. This date is about you two. It's not important to know that your friends have found the bar where the fashion week models hang out. Your not going there, you have plans for the evening.

6. Be a gentleman. Help her with her coat, open her door, open the car door, walk around the front of the car, get in. When you arrive, open her car door, assist her as needed.

Perhaps this sounds really out of touch, but let me explain. Its good manners. You are trying to stand out from the crowd. Show early on that you are at least semi-evolved. It will pay dividends later.

7. There is only the two of you. You are both adults. You each have baggage, you have dated before. It's not important for her to know tonight that you regularly date the Cowboys cheerleaders. You don't want to find out tonight that she regularly dates pro football players.

She accepted your offer of a date, because she has some interest in getting to know you. Women are the civilizing influence in our culture. She is not going out with you solely because you are male and breathing. Show some respect. Listen to her, she doesn't want to hear your complaints about old girlfriends.

8. Send a text message tonight, and the date is OVER. She has my permission to either shove your IPHONE unlubricated up your ass, or ask to be taken home immediately. You will take either quietly and deservedly.

9. There are less than 6 degrees of separation. Regardless of where you live, your circle intersects hers somewhere.

Before your date, she told everyone she knows that she was going out with you. This was for two reasons. To find out something about you, and for bragging rights. After the date, she will again talk with everyone she knows about your date. If you are a bounder, your dating pool will quickly become polluted. Even if you were not the right guy for her, if you comported your self well, she will tell everyone that sadly you two didn't click, but that you were a good pick up for someone else.

10. Sometimes miracles happen. Keep a fresh one in your wallet and use it. Don't forget to call the next day.

I await your comments. In your heart you know I'm right.



David said...

Good manners and paying attention never go out of style. Anyone with even the slightest possibility of going on a date should read this.

preppyplayer said...

I think I might send a link of this post to my sons. I would assume they know all this as I have told them many times before... but it always sounds better coming from someone else.

kathleen said...

You are absolutely right. I don't think you missed a thing.

Katy McIntyre said...

One of my fave's as well!

The Blushing Hostess said...

You know Toad, you are really not that old. I don't need to know any of this but I did take away: No cat, no texts, pray you can use it... and would add, stand when I approach a table, hold the door...

Brown Eyed Girl said...

Great post! Perhaps a follow up post with what a lady does that impresses a gentelman on the first date?

Dickie said...

Well put- I'm glad you incorporated traditional rules - paying, grooming, etc, with more modern issues - cell phones, txting, etc.

Toad said...

Brown Eyed Girl that will take some thought. I've beenout of the game too long. Gents any ideas?

Blushing: holding the door is there. It's key.

ADG said...

Toad...this post is one of your best. Good manners and deportment....timeless. As crazy as we were-as irreverant as we could be in college-we were fined a dollar if we didn't stand when a woman walked into the room. Same went for using profanity in front of a woman. I mentioned in a previous post that I had to shame the men on the shuttle bus at the Atlanta airport into giving up their seats to women boarding the vehicle. Still blows me away.

Anonymous said...

Will print this out and keep for my son. Plan to place it inside the 13th b-day etiquette book present. It's a shame that these manners don't extend to everyday. When I was 6 months pregnant with triplets, I still rode the train to work in NYC everyday. Believe it or not, there were many days when no one offered a seat to me, so I either stood the 40 mins. or sat on the entry/exit steps. Good manners set you apart every day . . . not just on a date. Thanks for the post.

soodie :: said...

I have been amazed how these simple rules have been forgotten. and answering the phone on a date was the one that would make me just CRAZY.

Looking forward to reading more...

Gwennie said...

I am going to copy this for each of my sons and add it to the book I'm creating for them, which is on everything I think they need to know to be the kind of men I'm raising.

Mrs. Blandings said...

I can't believe it has only been a year. I sure have a lot of fun here.

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Anonymous said...

Love it toad! I will be handing your rules out to my brother and all young men with whom I cross paths.