Pool House Part 2- The Changing Room

Background:

The changing room is approximately 8 foot wide and 10 ft long. As you enter, behind the door is the shower. You walk in towards the vanity and beyond that the toilet. The original vanity was this lovely number with an antique blue bowl.

The toilet was a matching blue. Lovely.

All of the fixtures have been removed, and if you live along the Highway 70 coridoor between Mayberry and Colorado Springs I would be happy to deliver, should anyone care for these treasures.

The blue indoor/outdoor carpet has been removed all replaced by a grayish porcelon tile. Hint: If you plan on tiling a non heated surface, say a porch or patio, ceramic tile is strongly discouraged, as it may shatter in the cold. Go for natural stone, or porcelain. We went for the porcelain.What you are seeing is the tile ungrouted. The grout, for you tile junkies is called London fog, a dark grayish color.

Lighting is provided by a lighted ceiling fan, and this attractive piece.

The plan for Friday is to grout and to install the new vanity. The vanity placed on a 4 inch base is solid oak and the top is white marble. The new toilet is white as well.

So now I'm stuck. The walls are painted flat builders white. I am willing to paint, refinish, decoupage, or whatever else the vanity. The top stays. Presumably a mirror of some kind will live over the vanity, and the light fixture replaced, with sconces, or .....

I've got a blank canvas.

In choosing wall finishes, several prejudices apply. No pastels. In other rooms we have tried many techniques. The room is off season storage, so suede may not hold up. We are unwilling to wallpaper.

Keep in mind we live in the midwest, far from sand and beaches.

What do you think? Should we go wild and use Ralph's island brights or keep it bright and anticeptic?

Fire away.
Toad

Let us begin year two

Today marks the first anniversary of this humble bloggers writing life. Blogging has taken me by surprise. It began as a subtle attempt to share some of the family stories with my far flung children. They quickly found me out, and made it clear they weren't necessarily interested, although I do still add them from time to time.

I've met many wonderful people here, I grateful to you all. You never cease to amaze me with the stuff you come up with.

So as we head off into the future I have no immediate promises to make. I will strive to earn your trust, keep you entertained, informed and hopefully in the process become more thoughtful and engaging writer.

As you may have discovered, I am technologically inept. If inadvertently I'm missing something which would make reading easier for you, tell me. You may have to show me how, but I'll do it.

And finally, Mrs. Blandings warned me that Blogluvin was worse than crack. She is absolutely correct.

Even worse than my propensity to check it out too many times per day, I recently discovered I haven't spent quality time with any of my favorite bloggers recently. I have missed a great deal lately. Blogluvin has gone away, and I promise to catch up for the summer I've missed.

I thank each of you individually.

Toad

The Sartorialist

For those of you interested in Scott Schuman's blog "The Sartorialist", I received a copy of Scott's new book "The Sartorialist' today.

Most of the pictures have not appeared on the blog, and since I don't stalk his work sites most were new to me.

It's about 500 pages of fabulous photographs.

Well done Scott.

Toad

The Pool House

Someone wiser than I would ask, "Toad, pool season has maybe a month to go. Why are you tearing your pool house apart now?"

Incoherently, I would answer, I have a water leak.

Water, water everywhere.

It began as one of those ill timed household projects you allocate 30 minutes to complete. One thing led to another, and now it will take a week and a thousand dollars to finish.


I knew early in the season I had a leak. Naturally, I turned the water off, and blithely decided we could do without the pool house this season. Luckily, its been cool this summer and the changing room wasn't missed.

The pool house was designed poorly. It's in 3 sections. Behind the double doors in the first picture is the mechanical room for all the pool equipment. The rooms are small and inefficiently laid out. Cabinets are MDF and have soaked up 20 years of leaks and humidity. Naturally, its poorly insulated, so when the pool heater is on, the building is uninhabitable. I hope to correct many of the original sins.

Behind the door on the left is the bath and changing room. On the right a small kitchen. I've spent the last couple of days ripping out wet drywall (wetwall?), waterlogged cabinets and musty carpets, and plumbing fixtures.
Today its going to be repairing plumbing problems, hanging insulation and greenboard, and if time allows beginning tile laying. Initially my plan was to complete this mess before I leave Sunday for Colorado. Not gonna happen.

Over the weekend, I'll show you the tile, so we can pick colors.

Toad

Mindset

For parents sending the progeny to university for the first time its a good idea to get a clue about their classmates, and real world references. I know you've lived with them, but have you ever really thought about them?

Things you take for granted, are not part of their world. Need a gut-check? Take a look at Beloit College's annual Mindset.

Twelve years ago, the college presented a list of the life references for its incoming class. The idea, part tongue in cheek, was to alert its teaching staff that the incoming class of freshmen did not necessarily share the same world view as its tenured faculty. Experiences common to adults, often go right over the heads of their children and students. Mindsets helps to explain why.

The Beloit College Mindset List for the Class of 2013

Most students entering college for the first time this fall were born in 1991.


For these students, Martha Graham, Pan American Airways, Michael Landon, Dr. Seuss, Miles Davis, The Dallas Times Herald, Gene Roddenberry, and Freddie Mercury have always been dead.

Dan Rostenkowski, Jack Kevorkian, and Mike Tyson have always been felons.

The Green Giant has always been Shrek, not the big guy picking vegetables.

They have never used a card catalog to find a book.

Margaret Thatcher has always been a former prime minister.

Salsa has always outsold ketchup.

Earvin "Magic" Johnson has always been HIV-positive.

Tattoos have always been very chic and highly visible.

They have been preparing for the arrival of HDTV all their lives.

Rap music has always been main stream.

Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream has always been a flavor choice.

Someone has always been building something taller than the Willis (née Sears) Tower in Chicago.

The KGB has never officially existed.

Text has always been hyper.

They never saw the “Scud Stud” (but there have always been electromagnetic stud finders.)

Babies have always had a Social Security Number.

They have never had to “shake down” an oral thermometer.

Bungee jumping has always been socially acceptable.

They have never understood the meaning of R.S.V.P.

American students have always lived anxiously with high-stakes educational testing.

Except for the present incumbent, the President has never inhaled.

State abbreviations in addresses have never had periods.

The European Union has always existed.

McDonald's has always been serving Happy Meals in China.

Condoms have always been advertised on television.

Cable television systems have always offered telephone service and vice versa.

Christopher Columbus has always been getting a bad rap.

The American health care system has always been in critical condition.

Bobby Cox has always managed the Atlanta Braves.

Desperate smokers have always been able to turn to Nicoderm skin patches.

There has always been a Cartoon Network.

The nation’s key economic indicator has always been the Gross Domestic Product (GDP).

Their folks could always reach for a Zoloft.

They have always been able to read books on an electronic screen.

Women have always outnumbered men in college.

We have always watched wars, coups, and police arrests unfold on television in real time.

Amateur radio operators have never needed to know Morse code.

Belarus, Moldova, Ukraine, Uzbekistan, Armenia, Latvia, Georgia, Lithuania, and Estonia have always been independent nations.

It's always been official: President Zachary Taylor did not die of arsenic poisoning.

Madonna’s perspective on Sex has always been well documented.

Phil Jackson has always been coaching championship basketball.

Ozzy Osbourne has always been coming back.

Kevin Costner has always been Dancing with Wolves, especially on cable.

There have always been flat screen televisions.

They have always eaten Berry Berry Kix.

Disney’s Fantasia has always been available on video, and It’s a Wonderful Life has always been on Moscow television.

Smokers have never been promoted as an economic force that deserves respect.

Elite American colleges have never been able to fix the price of tuition.

Nobody has been able to make a deposit in the Bank of Credit and Commerce International (BCCI).

Everyone has always known what the evening news was before the Evening News came on.

Britney Spears has always been heard on classic rock stations.

They have never been Saved by the Bell

Someone has always been asking: “Was Iraq worth a war?”

Most communities have always had a mega-church.

Natalie Cole has always been singing with her father.

The status of gays in the military has always been a topic of political debate.

Elizabeth Taylor has always reeked of White Diamonds.

There has always been a Planet Hollywood.

For one reason or another, California’s future has always been in doubt.

Agent Starling has always feared the Silence of the Lambs.

“Womyn” and “waitperson” have always been in the dictionary.

Members of Congress have always had to keep their checkbooks balanced since the closing of the House Bank.

There has always been a computer in the Oval Office.

CDs have never been sold in cardboard packaging.

Avon has always been “calling” in a catalog.

NATO has always been looking for a role.

Two Koreas have always been members of the UN.

Official racial classifications in South Africa have always been outlawed.

The NBC Today Show has always been seen on weekends.

Vice presidents of the United States have always had real power.

Conflict in Northern Ireland has always been slowly winding down.

Migration of once independent media like radio, TV, videos and compact discs to the computer has never amazed them.

Nobody has ever responded to “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”

Congress could never give itself a mid-term raise.

There has always been blue Jell-O.


Toad

Ralph's Print Models

I was reading through Ralph's 100 pound homage to himself over the weekend trying to find a photo taken from an old ad. Naturally, I couldn't find it, but in the mean time I was struck by an observation. Since I couldn't shake it, I am exorcising it into your heads. You can pass it on to some unsuspecting soul when the mood strikes. It's much like an old song you only know a few lyrics to, and those mostly wrong, but it just won't go away.

Ladies if you will forgive me I am going to be male today.

Every notice the print models in a Lauren ad, especially the earlier Bruce Weber photos?

By all tokens of injustice they are beautiful people. The girls all look like Mrs. L. Tall, willowy, flatish. Most are probably 15 pixalated to look 20. I CLEARLY understand their job is to strike a pose, create a mood, and sell clothing.

But guys have you ever seen one of his models you would throw everything away for, kidnap and whisk away to hike the Appalachian Trail with? Not I. How does he make their eyes so vacant? It robs them of their beauty.

Now the boy models are a completely different case. You get a sense they are real people. In this life I'm not drawn that way, but if I were or was female a lot of the men look wantable.

Am I making this up?

Toad

Don't try this at home

Bunky's somewhat customized Land Cruiser

I blame Scott Schuman- Redux

My final pre anniversary peak into the musty archives was caused by several emails I received this week. I had pre-ordered Scott Schuman's new book, "The Sartorialist". The original release was planned for August 12th. I woke up that morning with an email saying that the book release was postponed and I could look forward to its release later in August. Next morning I received a shipping notice, saying it should arrive on Monday. Go figure. Originally published October 9th. I still grateful for Tintin's generous comment.

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As a young man how was I to know there were rules about proper ways to dress?

In the era and neighborhood I grew up in, every guy dressed in a mixture of preppy/trad. We had no notion that other forms of dressing existed. I still dress that way, as do most of my friends. The neighborhood stores still feature mostly preppy togs.

Out of high school I had a month or two to between graduation and basic training so went to work for a men's haberdashery. I got to be a shoe dog. Knowing absolutely nothing about shoes, I relied upon my boss, Ralph, who was a most excellent teacher.

Ralph spent a great deal of time attempting to educate a clueless teen about the advantages of Allen Edmonds over Johnson & Murphy's, and why Weejuns were crap. Didn't matter to me, Weejuns were $8 per pair the others were $40.

Ralph did one thing I am grateful for, When the J&M's went on sale, he took a pair of black and a pair of brown tassel loafers put them aside for me and insisted I buy them, since I would need them when I was an adult. I still have those two pair.

Throughout my working career, although all day every day I was encased in a BB gray or blue suit, I never owned a pair of lace up shoes. It was the black or brown J&M tassels or a pair of penny loafers. At home it was pennys or Topsiders. Then I found Scott.

Scott Schuman is a photographer who 3 years ago began a blog known as The Satorialist. http://thesartorialist.blogspot.com/

Each day Scott walks around NY taking pictures of "real" people who dress with flair. One of his earliest postings was a copy of an essay by men's style guru G. Bruce Boyer(whose picture is shown above) describing Mr. Boyer's introduction to the world of bespoke clothing. A later posting was an essay by Bruce on the joys of suede shoes. The scales fell from my eyes.

Immediately I needed suede shoes, in snuff, tobacco, or chocolate. Cap toes, brogues, chukka boots, penny loafers, bit loafers. Not to mention the bucks, white and brown, nor the Clark desert boots.

My shoe closet is almost the same size as Mrs. T's., except mine are all suede.

Should you venture into suede world, on your way home from the store, pick up a can of Scotchguard. Nothing ruins the look of suede faster than water.
Toad

Photo from The Satorialist

without comment

The jacket with a thousand fathers

If I were honest, I'd blame Ralph. His "Out of Africa" creations. They left an indelible impression. Khaki, olive drab, linen, perfect summer weather wear.

I don't look like Robert Redford, and I didn't/don't have Meryl's money, so for a young man putting together a working wardrobe, linen didn't make much sense. My masters would have shown me quickly to the door.

Fast forward a few years, until say 2007 or so. Scott Schuman of The Sartorialist published this photo.

I take a look in the mirror, and say I'm old enough to pull off a bit of linen. It's likely to be tough sell at home, but c'est l'vie.

Fast forward again to summer 2009. Schuman does it again.

I'm floored by the details of this jacket. Mentally, I'm composing my own. In the mean time I bought several linen suits. Research. I wanted to get a feel of how linen worked. I fell in love. I enjoyed the creases. However, the heavier the material the more rumples, the fewer wrinkles.

Scott begins to rub it in. I feel like I'm in "The Blues Brothers". It must be a mission from the gods. "Find a heavy linen jacket", they said.


I hesitated. I rationalized my sloth. Closet's too small, time to save some money, it's too late for this year, and on and on.

Then Mr. Mort adds his two cents worth. This is the jacket you were meant to have, said Mort.


Not so fast. If I was going to do it, it was going to be my way. Unlike one you would ever find in a store. Unlike one, I would ever see again.

Two weeks ago I succumbed. Made my list, went to the tailor. Sing like this I said.

Unconstructed, one button, shawl collar, side vents, patch pockets, working sleeve buttonholes picked in baby blue, half lined. I want to wear it like a cardigan sweater.

Today the tailor's translation of my vision came home. It was worth the wait. As I have said before, you need to think a problem through, thoroughly. Once you understand the problem, the solution is often obvious.

You've waited long enough. Here it is.


The blue stitching on the jacket button may have been a mistake. Easily fixable.

The cloth is still very stiff. Needs a bit of the Fred Astaire throw it against the wall treatment, or even better to be rolled up in a gym bag for a couple of weeks. I more likely to wear it soft. Also, it's surprisingly heavy. Not uncomfortably so, but noticeably.

I especially like the hand sewn edges along the collar.

Toad

the wizard of oz

1939 was a great year for movies.

Released on this date 70 years ago, was the first color movie, The Wizard of OZ.

The flying monkeys still scare the begeebers out of me.

Sadly, local lad and munchkin, Mickey Carroll died recently. I would see him occasionally at Uncle Harrys. He never seemed to mind if you asked him a question or two about the old days, so long as you didn't interfere with his gaming.

Photo from Beyond the Rainbow

Toad

Vernon Jordan- Cool Guy

Vernon Jordan, husband, father, activist, gentleman, and very cool guy. If it seems his name has been in the news forever, it's because it has. Tomorrow is his 74th birthday.

Those of you, of a certain age, probably first heard his name in January 1961 when he was a member of the legal team that successfully sued the University of Georgia, to change their admittance policy to accept black students. He accompanied Charlayne Hunter, later Hunter-Gault, through the admittance process. You know Charlayne through her work at PBS and later CNN.

In the 1970's he served as Executive Director of the United Negro College Fund, and the National Urban League.

In 1980 he was shot in Fort Wayne, Indiana. President Carter's visit to the recovering Mr. Jordan was the first news story broadcast by CNN.

Since then he has served in various capacities for Democratic presidents, most notably President Clinton, and on President Obama's transition team.

He is a member of many corporate and education boards. Got one whale of a Rolodex.

Additionally, Mr. Jordan is a successful author. Tells a great story. I recommend, "Vernon can Read" and "Making It Plain".

Happy Birthday Mr. Jordan. You've made America a better place.

Toad

The Scenic Way

I do not believe I am alone in selecting routes based upon their scenic appeal. We all need something, on our daily grind, which gives us a smile, something to look forward to.

This simple mailbox is my talisman.



It's the absurdidity of it which gives me a smile, every time I see it.

The mailbox is in Mayberry, along the Missouri River bottom. Immediately behind are bluffs. In front, some distance away, is the water treatment plant and acres of cornfields. There is no conceivable reason for this mailbox to exist, yet every spring someone, from somewhere, repaints it.









During the spring floods of 1993 this area was 10 feet under water. This photo is was taken less than a half mile upstream. A 500 year levee gave way suddenly and devestated northern and western Mayberry. The west was mostly light manufacturing and offices space. North was farmland.


In their hubris, the Feds threw LOTS of money at the levee, to create a 1000 year levee, making the river more dangerous. Mercifully the confluence with the Mississippi is not far downstream.

Since we are now so well protected, the nations wealthiest family built the largest outdoor mall in the flood plain.

Long before my days are over, the northern cornfields will be plowed under and the land suburbanized. My mailbox will probably still stand.

Toad

Local Tailors

I have two words to say about local tailors. Use Them!

Each of has learned the hard way that many of the clothes hanging in our closets look really good on hangers. Unfortunately, they don't always look good on us.

There is a simple reason for that. Off the rack clothing is not meant to fit living humans. We do not come in standard sizes. We're long waisted, short waisted, crooked, have one leg longer than another, etc. etc. etc.

Frankly, I think its a miracle that clothes fit as well as they do, but really how many adults are size models?

Sadly, I know little of fashion, or women's clothing. I've been married to a short woman, and a tall one, and both have complained that they cannot find clothes that fit. It's especially difficult if you have special requirements.

So let a tailor do his/her job. You have already bought the clothes, spend a few dollars more. Have the hem adjusted to fit you, take in a shoulder, let out a waist, refashion a favorite that may be out of style.

At the end of the day you will have a garment that fits you well. You'll look good in it. It will improve your confidence, now that's sexy.

Just sayin'

Finding a good tailor may take a little trial and error. If you don't know one, ask at a fabric store, try Craigslist, ask your favorite retailer. The right one is out there.

Toad

They are ALWAYS your kids

Number 2 son is a forest fire fighter near Lake George, Colorado. Only this year there haven't been any fires, which is good news for the locals, and bad news for him.

Most of the year he lives in Portland Oregon, where he is a student. It has taken him a long time to find his calling, but he is becoming a fascinating adult, one I am very proud of. This has not been his summer.

In preparation of fire season, he wanted to buy a very sturdy truck. He knew he would be a long way from help, and needed something which would safely get him there and back home.

His old boss was restoring a Land Cruiser. Bunky drove it a lot last summer, knew and liked the truck and eventually agreed to buy it. The LC worked fine in Oregon, but limped into Colorado. Initially he blamed it on not being set up for altitude. He quickly found out otherwise.

Tis a new engine he would he needing. So with a lot of pluck he found the local off road fixer, who found an engine and engine rebuilder for him. He spent his first 60 days in Colorado without wheels. Fortunately, his sister and her husband live in Denver, and they periodically would visit, bring him groceries, and when available lend him a car. It's been a long summer for him.

Finally, his truck was ready the last weekend in July. Much happiness in his house.

Last night, he rolled it. Three times. Coming down a gravel mountain road he swerved to avoid an ascending car on a switchback. Bunky swerved down the mountainside.

Mercifully, no one was hurt.

So what's a dad to do when his youngest is a thousand miles from home, near broke, no car, no way home? I offered him my car.


Looks like I'm heading to Colorado soon.


Toad

Before Kids Had Rights- An Oldie Revisited

As promised, once again we delve into the days when I was writing for one. This story was about one of my favorite Christmas's, albeit long ago.
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In my formative years kids did not have rights, so I still have trouble with the notion of parents soliciting the opinions of children. In the olden days, parents rarely gave a moments consideration to what their kids wanted, or the safety of the toys they gave their children. One of my favorite all time gifts was received Christmas 1957, that golden age of kids toys.

Plastics were just coming available. The possibilities were endless. On that glorious bygone day, Santa brought a Mattel Fanner 50 toy pistol. Young moderns watching the video below will be aghast at the gincracks found on this baby. But I swear this is true,and was widely available.



Yes in fact, it did shoot real plastic bullets, at a pretty good distance. The greenie stickem caps sucked, and I still remember attempting to peel them off the backs of the cartridges.

While I can't accurately say for sure, I do believe that this gun, and the better shooting rifle which was released the next year may have had something to do with the inception of product safety laws.

You might not only put your eye out, but with luck could blind your best friend too!

Toad

Oh Happy Day

What a great day. First, the patch mad bow tie from Ellie LaVange Stager arrived. Gents, if you are bow tie inclined, get in touch with this woman immediately. This is the finest bow tie I have ever owned. I've paid much more for others, but I have never owned a better crafted tie. Thank you, thank you, thank you Ellie. My next order is in your email box.

Then the Polish tailor called and asked me to try on the linen jacket. First fittings are always somewhat disappointing, but eventually things worked out. Minor adjustments included lining the front, in order to have inside pockets, and half the back, just because. The sleeve buttonhole color was changed from a darker brown to baby blue. I was wearing a Ralph gingham with just the right shade of blue pony. Somehow it felt right although I worry it might be too much. Time will fix it. The edging of the shawl collar is being hand stitched, that is what's taking the bulk of the time. I should be able to pick it up Friday.

Finally, daughter Katy is spending the weekend with us. She was looking for a little heat, just to remember what Summer is like. We should be able to oblige.

Have a great weekend. If you are new around these parts, stop in and say hello. I'm glad you're here.

Toad

May I have a civics lesson?

Admittedly, I am out of touch on many things. It comes from not having omnipotent teens in the house.

What caught me off guard was the news the local public schools open next week. In Missouri, technically it is against the law for schools to open before Labor Day, unless they....

There are a lot of unlesses.

So here is where I need your help. I'm old, schools used to open a day or two after labor Day in my era. So why do they open so early now?

Is it a function of No child Left Behind? A bone tossed for working parents? Do we have dumber kids now, who need more time in class? How did they get the Teachers Union buy in. Truly, I don't know and welcome your answers.

Toad

The Awakening Part Deux

Last March I announced my intention to move my favorite statue, J. Seward Johnson's "The Awakening", from buddy ADG's house to space closer to mine. Ground preparation is coming along well, and an October 10th unveiling is scheduled. My prior offer of available rooms stands should you choose to attend.

To get the locals excited about our new sculpture park, Mayberry has turned into a living breathing Johnson gallery. Twenty of his life sized bronze works have been scattered around the community.

It was a beautiful day yesterday, and Mrs. T and I went to see how many we could find.

This is my favorite. Titled, "Best Seller" it depicts a scene that is frequently found at The Park.



As we approached this, a little girl (2-3ish) was poking at him. She was absolutely conviced he was real, and was trying to wake him. No power on earth was going to convince her otherwise.


This obviously is "Midstream". I saw this in front of City Hall Monday, before I knew about the showing.




On our first trip we found 14 of the 20. Over the next few weeks I post more of the pix.

Lap of Choice

A Thought to Consider

Toad

Seven

Remember the Seinfeld episode where George told Susan he wanted to name his future son 7? Well I have a granddaughter named Seven, and today is her birthday.

We met Seven, on the weekend Mrs. T and I were married. Her given name is Katie, and since we have a lot of Katie's, I told her for the weekend instead of calling Katie and getting lots of answers, I would call a number in age order of whom I wanted, her number was 3.

She quickly put me in my place by letting me know in no uncertain terms that she was 7, not 3. So, she has been 7 ever since.
The young lass is a sweetheart, a tease, and the sun that lights our family's sky.

As we say around birthday time:

HBD2U

HBD2U

HBDD7

HBD2U

With lots of love,

Toad

Let's modernize weddings.

For years, I have begun my Sundays by reading the NY Times Vows section. The sense of hope and optimism on display has long been a tonic to the rest of the paper. I still enjoy it, but its also beginning to bring me down. Allow me to explain.

Take Sunday's paper for example. Twenty nine couples exchanged vows. Most weddings were performed by traditional priests, rabbis or ministers in traditional churches, temples, or synagogues. Almost half were married in what would have been considered a non traditional setting, not many years ago.

Twenty four per cent of the weddings were conducted by folk who mailed in a check and won an ordination. Think about this a bit.

We've all been to those weddings where the newly Rev'ed, Aunt Jane, is the officiant. These weddings always feel like a mixed metaphor to me. If the betrothed do not want a religious ceremony why go through the hassle?

I am beginning to prefer the Colorado method.

In Colorado, and probably many of the formerly frontier states, a couple is considered married, when and if, they say they are. End of story. No preachers, Justice of the Peaces, judges or anyone else required. Makes perfect sense. Probably gives the family law attorneys fits too.

Currently, this right does not extend to all Colorado's citizens and that's not fair. Hopefully, we will overcome that prejudice soon.

Toad

Dating Tips for Gentlemen-Part 1 Redux

As we quickly approach the first anniversary of this humble blog, I looked back and realized some of my favorite posts date to when I was writing to an audience of 1. So I decided it was time to bring some favorites back into the light, in the hope of benefiting some who were not here a year ago, or those who don't read archives. Today and the next 2 Sundays are oldies but goodies. This from September 24, 2008.
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It may be reasonably asked, Toad you're old and married, where do you get off giving dating tips? Let me answer this way. Consider it a public service announcement. Also, because I am older, wiser, more experienced, and have more common sense than you.

Like all rules, some of these are made to be broken. I have ignored them all over the years and lived to tell the tale. That is not a strong recommendation, for dismissing them out of hand.

Also, let me suggest the following before reading. These may, or may not, apply to boy-boy, girl-girl encounters. I am blissfully ignorant of such goings on. Additionally, I believe the following to be true. If you are unemployed, you probably shouldn't be dating. Unemployment saps the self confidence and self confidence is vitally important on a first date. Secondly, married women are out of bounds, to gentlemen, at all times.

My 10 Commandments

1. There is an implied contract when asking a woman for a date. The implication is that you are an interesting person, and believe that she may also be a person of interest, and you are willing to find that out, by asking for a date. If she accepts she too is interested.

In short, the first date is about her.

2. Primp: A day or so before the date, call and tell her exactly where she is going, and what she is going to do. Then lay out your clothes. Are they clean, do they fit, do they need pressing? Shine your shoes.

I admit a certain embarrassment in mentioning this, but much observation makes me tell you, to shower, shave, brush your teeth, comb your hair and make yourself presentable. There is absolutely nothing wrong in being the best dressed man, wherever you are going.

Ever watch your sister get ready for a date? The girls spend a lot more time getting ready than you. Honor your date by looking your best.

3. Wash your car, get gas, go to the ATM before you pick her up. You asked her, you're paying, no questions asked. Turn off your car radio when you get to her house. You have different tastes in music. Don't kill your chances here.

4. Be prepared for anything when you knock on her door. She may live at home, so you may get to meet her parents. Perhaps she has young children. Be polite, be interested. Don't kick her cat.

5. Turn off your cell phone, or at least set it on vibrate. If you answer it you die. This date is about you two. It's not important to know that your friends have found the bar where the fashion week models hang out. Your not going there, you have plans for the evening.

6. Be a gentleman. Help her with her coat, open her door, open the car door, walk around the front of the car, get in. When you arrive, open her car door, assist her as needed.

Perhaps this sounds really out of touch, but let me explain. Its good manners. You are trying to stand out from the crowd. Show early on that you are at least semi-evolved. It will pay dividends later.

7. There is only the two of you. You are both adults. You each have baggage, you have dated before. It's not important for her to know tonight that you regularly date the Cowboys cheerleaders. You don't want to find out tonight that she regularly dates pro football players.

She accepted your offer of a date, because she has some interest in getting to know you. Women are the civilizing influence in our culture. She is not going out with you solely because you are male and breathing. Show some respect. Listen to her, she doesn't want to hear your complaints about old girlfriends.

8. Send a text message tonight, and the date is OVER. She has my permission to either shove your IPHONE unlubricated up your ass, or ask to be taken home immediately. You will take either quietly and deservedly.

9. There are less than 6 degrees of separation. Regardless of where you live, your circle intersects hers somewhere.

Before your date, she told everyone she knows that she was going out with you. This was for two reasons. To find out something about you, and for bragging rights. After the date, she will again talk with everyone she knows about your date. If you are a bounder, your dating pool will quickly become polluted. Even if you were not the right guy for her, if you comported your self well, she will tell everyone that sadly you two didn't click, but that you were a good pick up for someone else.

10. Sometimes miracles happen. Keep a fresh one in your wallet and use it. Don't forget to call the next day.

I await your comments. In your heart you know I'm right.

Toad

Ellie LaVeer Stager

I knew she had to be there somewhere, but due to sloth, ignorance or some other deadly sin I had yet to locate her. Then buddy Conor of Old Man/ Young Man did the heavy lifting for me.

To quote Captain Duke Forrest, "I think I'm in love".

Is there anything potentially more expensive than the Internet? Daily we are bombarded with pretty and expensive must haves, wanna haves and need to haves. Then along comes Ms. Ellie LaVeer Stager a young woman creating a business making affordable men's bow ties and accessories. All the photos are from her store, and show my next purchases.



I purchased the patch mad bow today, and am having a difficult time getting the striped linen out of my thoughts.

Ellie also makes ribbon belts, hand rolled pocket squares and probably anything else you're creative enough to suggest.

When the mad tie shows up I will talk about its quality, but for now I'll take Conor's word for it.

Can you picture the News Reading husband in one of these?

Happy 6tober,
Toad