Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Feelin' stupid?

Most Americans don't give a flying fig about nutrition. Hell too few read, fewer think. You expect us to understand nutrition labels on food packages?

With that as a given, you have to admire folks who with eyes wide open, choose careers which pander to the masses, give 'em what they want, kill 'em off early. They've got health insurance now.

I present this tid bit for your edification, direct from AOL News, the asides are mine. Truly, I wish they were kidding.

Can The Candwich Make Dough for Its Inventor?

AOL News (July 20) -- The Fourth Earl of Sandwich, John Montagu, reportedly inspired the name of one of the world's most popular foods in the late 1700s. In the early 1800s, Napoleon Bonaparte helped fund the invention of canned foods as a long-term food preservative.

So isn't it strange that it took 200 years before a man in Salt Lake City thought about putting sandwiches in cans?

Mark Kirkland thinks so. But instead of complaining, he's capitalizing by creating something called the "Candwich," which, like it sounds, is a sandwich in a can.

Courtesy Mark Kirkland
Mark Kirkland hopes to make lots of dough by selling sandwiches in cans.
"Basically, you put a sandwich into a container that can fit into an existing vending machine," said Kirkland, who has spent the last 10 years trying to make dough from the idea.

Finally, he is about to see his concept come to fruition, thanks to the development of shelf-stable bread that stays fresh for at least a year. (the shelf life of a Twinkie is over 80 years)

Kirkland first got the thought for food while having some food for thought.

"I was having a can of soda and eating a cookie when I realized that I could package the cookies into a can and sell them in the same vending machine as the soda," he said.

The Candwich is expected to hit the market next month in vending machines and convenience stores in San Diego and southern Texas.

It will come in a 24-ounce can that contains a complete sandwich on a bun. In some cases, such as the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, the fixings come separately to be assembled by the customer. In others, such as the pepperoni pocket, the filling is baked into the bread -- which he says was the thing that sold him.

"I was skeptical until I tried the bread," he said. "That's what got me."

Since the price point will be around $2 to $3 per sandwich, Kirkland figures to make a lot of bread -- especially since it caters to certain demographics.

"Nearly 15 percent of Americans are too busy to eat during lunch," Kirkland said. "Also, I figure this product will be in demand for disaster relief. I wish I had 100 million cans after the earthquake in Haiti.

At first, the Candwich will be sold in San Diego and the Gulf Coast region of the United States. (Carolina's next?)

"It's getting a lot of interest there because it's hurricane territory and it's something that can keep in all kinds of weather," Kirkland said. "You can eat it right out of the can, but I know people who will take the BBQ chicken can, put it on their car dashboard and let the sun heat it up."

Although no one is going to confuse sandwiches, canned or otherwise, as healthful, Kirkland insists the nutritional profile is pretty sound -- provided you don't eat the actual can, of course.

"The peanut butter is high in protein and the chicken is lean breast meat and there are no trans fats."

So far, the response to the Candwich has varied from "I can't believe they made that" to "I can't believe they made it -- where can I get one?" Kirkland admits he will get a certain amount of sales just from curiosity.

"Most people will try it for the novelty," he said. "And if they like it, they'll come back. I look it at it like bottled water. When that first came out, I thought 'Why would I pay a buck for a glass of water when there's a drinking fountain over there?' But now I have a bottle of water every day."
Filed under: Money, Weird News

Please God make it stop.



Main Line Sportsman said...

Oh yeah...these are probably a real gastonomic adventure. I look forward to a canned BLT or corned beef special...it will be like a 3rd rate MRE...my gag reflex is already quivering at the thought.

Shelley said...

Bread 'fresh' for a year? This will be interesting to try... Great idea maybe for disaster relief or K-rations, but for a lunch-related vending machine? If these really sell, I'm gonna open a restaurant in the US where I just throw the slop in the trough...

preppyplayer said...

Not surprised that this guy is from Salt Lake.
The Mormons in Salt lake City will buy this because they stock a year's supply of food in preparation for some type religious"end."
My family lives out there and every home has a special room in the basement to store the supply. Of course my family used it to store wine...

James said...

Aside to Shelly, trust me they have already started those restaurants here. They're doing quite well.

Suburban Princess said...

Forget the bread...the meat stays fresh for a year?!?!? I can't imagine trusting any food that would still be good to eat after 2 weeks let along a year!

And he has also told us he is a big contributor to pollution - he has a bottle of water every day - suggesting he buys one every day. The cans will be more landfill.

SouthernProletariat said...

My first thought was...don't they already make MREs re: his Haiti comment? And secondly- don't we contribute enough to landfills? Can't tell me that his target audience is going to recycle those cans...

Toad said...

Preppyplayer I think you have solved the riddle.

JMW said...

"I was having a can of soda and eating a cookie when I.." That's all you have to hear to know this guy is not the sharpest tool in the dietary shed. :)

Free Kansas said...

This will do very well in Califonia. Just put it right next to the medical marijuana vending machines.

NCJack said...

This reminds me of a comment Tom Wolfe made after "Bonfire of the Vanities" came out. To the effect that "each time I thought I was over the top on something, like a single trader losing $8 million, the next day's news made me look rather tame"

tintarosa said...

Sounds wretched!