Sheer Bliss

Ever since the spray pancake episode I have not been permitted in grocery stores without supervision. Until today.

Mrs T made me go with her today to engage in power shopping. You know the kind, meet me in 4 minutes with these 5 items. I've learned better, so I knew I had a good 10 minutes to peruse the shelves.

I used to believe that when the revolution began, the first up against the wall were to be found shopping at Whole Foods. You know the type $10 for 8 crackers. Die yuppie scum, alas I was wrong.

Today, at our local, I may have met the enemy. Canned ice cream. The "King Tut" of ice cream. Sheer Bliss!

Imagine Ms Save the Planet Green, taking her Prius to stock up on something to help her get through the night. Think I get some ice cream she says, saves the earth. What do they have in a can? $8.99 the pint. Maybe she recycles.

Toad

NMP in real life. A Baseball Editorial

Spring training is underway and as revealed on these pages last week, many professional baseball players take steroids. So what?

Frankly, I don't care if they smoke crack in the dugout. My reason for sharing this bit of news is this.

I've grown sick of hearing about how "he" took steroids, and so did Mr. X, and Mr. Y and Mr. Z.

The people with the most to gain or lose if baseball is juiced, the owners, the players, and Major League Baseball don't give a hoot. Why should you? So what if MLB is on par with the WWF?

If you have some moralistic "purity of the game" jones about you, I encourage you to stay home and spend more time watching your kids play Little League. Otherwise get over yourself. Don't beat yourself up over what's not your problem. Your crocodile tears won't fix anything.

Let the junkies play in peace.

Toad

Haunted Houses

Ever live in a haunted house?

It's tough to find find one in a standard suburban neighborhood, but in urban areas, or country houses I think they may be more plentiful than you want to believe. I've lived in several, and I am not yet certain that The Park isn't also.

Now I'm not talking about the nonsense you find on The Travel Channel, or TLC. Not The Ghost Hunters or any of that other rot. I'm talking about houses that have more than your family living in them.


I truly believe that house take on the personality of their owners. We personalize our homes to fit our needs and wants. We also invest a lot of energy dreaming about our homes, what we would do it we had the taste, time or budget. I think a lot of that karmic energy is absorbed into the very floorboards of our houses.

That may be why when house shopping we can feel if a house is right 10 seconds after opening the front door the first time. Successful Realtors know that how a house "feels" sells the house faster than how it meets our needs. They also know that if you're on the fence about a house, its energy will help you decide.

One of the "haunted" houses I have lived in had a very negative energy, and that fairly quickly drove us out of it. The family we sold to, also had a bad experiences there.

The Park, was owned for a long time by one family. The energy is good, and the vibe is more playful than off putting. Somehow it speaks to us, when it needs attention, and somehow we always find the right guy to deal with its needs. The previous owner died suddenly here. I can feel his presence at the strangest times, and its always comforting. I love this house.

Toad

A Battle Royale

Suppose you have one of jobs that do not purposefully upset people. Your not a bill collector, or a bearer of bad tidings. You just go to work, and eventually come home. Then one day you wake up, and say, I really wanna mess with somebody today. What do you chose to do?

My suggestion is to come to our house and unplug the cable on Thursday afternoon. There so little for Mrs. T to watch on Thursday. Seriously, her TIVO is smoking until about 2 am .

So you pull off that stunt, and while Mrs. T is fuming, the cable company makes you come back and fix it. But not until late Friday afternoon.

That gives you an opportunity to return, remove the Internet connection, get home, have a beer or two, take a shower and make dinner plans. A smarter man would have disconnected the phone too, but you gotta be smarter than the average bear to figure that one out.

Late this evening while the tech was still here, his boss called and asked me how he was getting along. I mentioned that another beer or two before he got here may have been a better idea. My suspicion is that he had a long night ahead of him.

A couple of odds and ends

1. One of the cardinal rules of marketing is that you do not make things better by taking things away. The purists won't stand for it. No one wants to feel gypped. That is why this weekend we celebrate Valentines Day. (Does anyone else remember that not so long ago it was St. Valentines Day?)

One of the problems the ancient Catholic Church leaders had, when the religion began to spread, was how to incorporate festivals the fans were accustomed to into the new fold. It was a non starter to suggest that our religion was better than your crummy old one since we don't have those constant fertility festivals. It might keep away some of those on the fence who enjoyed the party but weren't so hip on the gods.

So, being clever salesmen they offered the same thing only different. You want a party in February? We got one too.

The Romans called it Lupercalia, the beginning of spring. It began with a ritual purification of their homes (spring cleaning to you), and led immediately into the fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman God of Agriculture as well as Romulus and Remus. This was held annually on the ides of February, the 15th for those of you unfamiliar with your Shakespeare.

So the crafty churchman said the 14th is close enough. How about instead of all that wine and sex we name it after a ascetic who wrote love stories to god. Sounded too good to be true. They probably invented Valentine.

Gents, Valentines Day is Saturday. Thou shall not ignore it, or those other fertility festivals may also be forgotten.

2. Could you imagine the uproar if the mom of the new octuplets told all TV, radio, magazine and newspaper requests "thank you, we are a very private family and are not interested in whoring our children?" And stood by it?

But the world wants to know, you'd say. "It's none of your business," mom would then reply.

3. Could you imagine the uproar if a reporter for some news outlet finally had enough one day, and called someone out on a euphemism, or for lying to him? Interview goes something like this. " The ethnic cleansing in ...." Reporter responds, by ethnic cleansing do you mean murder, Holocaust, slaughter of innocents?" And sticks with it. Ted Kopple notwithstanding.

4. I won $1,000,000 Monday night when Kansas lost to Missouri.

5. Take a look at new blogger Maxminimus http://maxminimus.blogspot.com/ I think he has the chops to make it.


Toad

Westminster Colo. Schools

I was about to go to bed with nothing prepared for today, when this crossed my path. I may comfortably go to my rest now, for finally, I have heard it all. I must have been born under a bad sign, or at least 50 years too early.

In response to low standardized test scores, and poor student performance, No Child Left Behind,blah, blah blah, the Westminster Colorado School District has decided to rid themselves of grade levels. Not A,B,C,D, but first, second, third......


Students will be assigned by age,and will stay in a subject until they attain mastery of it. Maybe 8 yo Spelling, and 10 yo Math. Picture if you will a class of 9 yo boys studying math. Also in their class is 11 yo boy whose struggling. Will 11 yo be miffed working with the little kids? How well will the bigs kids deal with a smart little kid? I defer to Ms. Mindless.

The inspiration for this was a school district in Alaska that has 250 students spread over 22,000 square miles. Remember those Palin kids? Westminster is suburban Denver.

The plan is to phase this process in over time, in order to give the district officials time to seek other employment.

For further info I recommend:A Colorado school district does away with grade levels

We have met the enemy and it is us.


Toad

Not My Problem

For New Years, I published my thoughts on the perfect resolution. If it doesn't concern you, its not your problem, so let it go. I've been having a problem with that lately. So please bear with my rant. I'll feel better shortly.

I have temporarily gotten to the point where I just don't care. The news is all bad, even if you can find good news you know you're being lied to, and the rest just doesn't make sense.

Take yesterday for instance. California has to release tens of thousands of prisoners due to prison overcrowding. Still think the war on drugs makes any sense?

The name of the fertility doctor who implanted the mom who recently had the octuplets was released. Natch, he's got nothing to say on the subject. Is this news? Do we care? Mom's quoted as counting on god to help her out. I see human intervention coming myself. We'll be paying the next 21 years.

Baseball players take steroids. Surprise!!!

Sunday's NYT article on living in NY on $500k per year, sounded an awful like one Esquire, or was it NY Magazine ran 30 years ago, on living in NY on $100,000. Why do any of the affected parties still have jobs?

Where is the outrage?

Then think of the mindless crap we are told to worry about.

As George Carlin said, " It's all bullshit, and its bad for ya".

End of rant. Good Night Gracie.

Toad

The Evil Eye

To our peril, we have forgotten the evil eye.

Mrs. T has it, but mercifully uses it sparingly. In my presence she has used it 3 times with surprising results. The first was on the woman at the drivers license store, who told Mrs T she flunked her eye test. A week later the license store closed.

Next, was on the woman who purchased our house 2 years ago. The woman was deceptive and took advantage of our better nature. Since purchasing the house, she has spent $100k plus personalizing it, and has had it for sale since July for $150K less than she paid us for it.

Most recently was Friday night. I have mentioned before that Mrs. T is a gambler. Each week her preferred casino sends her a coupon. She shows up, the casino hands her $50. Usually she walks in takes the 50 and goes home. Monday -Thursday are her preferred days. Believe me they get their $50 back.

This month, the casino's management decided to conduct a study. What if they withheld mailings for 10% of their best customers. How would they react?

Friday, Mrs. T went to collect her $50 seed money and was told nada, she was part of the study. she was signed up for March though. Calmly and coldly Mrs. T announced to her host that she would return in March. Until then, you'll find her at the casino next door. Then the general manager got the evil eye. I'll let you know how that turns out.

Toad

Gone Country

First I must confess.

I shouldn't admit this but both country and western music make me want to gag. Let's understand this or the meaning of this post will elude you. I do not enjoy c&w music. I do not like it here, I do not like it there. I don't mind if you enjoy it, so long as you do so silently. I could not pick any C&W singer out of a lineup. Couldn't/wouldn't hum a tune. Don't know the names, who's good or bad, alive or dead. I most assuredly do not seek acountry or western intervention.

Admittedly, I know nada about which I write, except the aforementioned, I don't care for it please.

But somehow, I have come to enjoy CMT's Gone Country. If you are blessedly unfamiliar with the show, the premise is simple.

Take a half dozen or so shameless former music performers, who have immediate tax or alimony payment trouble and put them on a reality TV show which attempts to fashion new careers for the lost as country music personalities.

This year's saps include the inimitable Sheila E, George Clinton, and Mikey Dolenz amongst others. Just try and wrap your head around the P-Funk All Stars as a country band, I dare ya.

What intrigues me about the show, is the same thing the first season or two of the Donald did. The Donald's early years were morality plays. Work hard, out compete succeed. This is much the same, but for has beens, or never weres.

Its on almost constantly on CMT, but you most likely will find it Saturday nights.

Toad

Coincidence or....

The Toads are no more green than any other family. For bonafides, I present Camilla , our on a good day 8 mile per gallon road warrior. Howver, we may have recently redefined what it means to be green.

With apologies to someone whose blog I read regularly, but as I write this cannot remember who, I remember reading of a wonderful family extolling the virtues of their new tank less water heater. Sunday driving home from Florida, I heard a commercial on the radio for one, and told Mrs T that one of these days we should look into buying one. One of these days was Wednesday.

After the propane man left I could not restart one of our water heaters. Soon afterward the massive flood began. The next morning I was at Lowes. That was a trip.

For starters, before spending vast sums at Lowes, stop by your local post office. In their change of address/moving packet is a 10% off coupon for Lowes. It's good until the end of June. Use it!

I did my research online and was about to order from Lowes web site, but they would not accept my new found coupon. So I drove the mile to the store, found that it had to be special ordered, but was $120 less in the store than online. The lower price less the 10% post office coupon.

That's my kind of green.

Toad

Bud Collins, Fashion Icon

It wasn't just the young girls in short skirts, the heat or the athleticism. I became hooked watching the Australian Tennis Open while we were away because of Bud Collins.



Is there a more dapper, interesting fellow in sports? Signature bow tie, GTH pants, relaxed casual attitude. Smart, erudite and witty.

As a fashion icon he does not get the credit he deserves. In my opinion he epitomizes true Preppy style. Why did NBC ever let him go?

Needs a pocket square though.


Any resemblance to other fat, bow tie wearing, bald men is purely circumstantial, on your part.

Toad

What's your type?

Did you happen to see the story making the rounds last week about the importance many Japanese place on blood type. It was one of those "your blood type tells all about you", kind of things. Japanese Blood Types and Personality - Issendai's Lair

At first I dismissed the stories out of hand, much as I would the "what's your sign" articles that appeared some years ago. Then for research I read one, then another.

Why? They described me to a T. At first I figured they were just vague enough to throw everyone into the mix and pull out a smoothie at the end. So I read Mrs. T's. Nailed her too. She's pretty odd, so to be able to nail her in a few words, must indicate real science.

I am afraid to tell her about the study though. All indications are that she should be the next Empress of Imperial Japan.

Now if I could only remember her sign.

Toad

Thank You George Carlin

Since the tribute to George is on PBS this evening, I thought I would share a story.

Left unsaid in my brief retelling of the early days of my military career were the tales of the 15 days of summer camp thougthfully provided members. Summer camp as a young adult is no more welcome than it is at 9. Got to go to some wonderful places though.

Summers in Jefferson Barracks tend to be hot and humid. With that in mind, our tour guide tended to arrange our summer vacations in cooler, less humid locales, but not always. Wisconsin was one of his favorites, but rarely Camp McCoy.

Camp McCoy is an Army post in southwestern Wisconsin used primarily by Reserve and National Guard units for training. Its a great place to drive tanks, and shoot noisy guns, catch poison ivy and generally have a great time.

Being Air Force we were not particularly welcome at McCoy, so we usually stayed away. Our camp of choice was neighboring Volk Field in truly gorgeous Toma. Toma is about two hours west of Milwaukee which is just far enough away for a couple of young blades to spend a weekend away from camp.

In July '72 my buddy Chris and I heard about Milwaukee Summerfest, went AWOL for the weekend, and decided to take in Woky. Saturday evening, a couple of brats, a few cans of Miller under our belts and who should appear on stage, none other than George Carlin.

Yes, it was the night the police arrested and hauled him off stage, for saying those 7 words, and we were there.

.

I spent all year wondering how I tour guide would top that the next summer. He did!

Summer camp '73 the entire convoy was arrested. For driving our military truck convoy down the Natchez Trace, on our way to Biloxi. All thanks to AAA Triptiks.

Toad

Fellow Dominique Browning fans

I almost cried when House and Garden went away. I had promised myself I would read telephone books if Dominique Browning wrote them, if only H&G wouldn't die. I miss her monthly column. For those of you who need a DB fix, I direct you to the latest Garden and Gun.

http://gardenandgun.com/article/down-home

Toad

Becoming reacquainted with the old ways

Twenty some years ago GQ magazine commissioned Peter Mayle to write a series of magazine articles on the spending habits of the rich. Each month a new installment would appear, and impressionable young men would argue over the relative merits of things they had no experience with, and would likely never encounter. Eventually the collected essays were gathered into book form and Acquired Tastes appeared.

In these troubled, but hopeful times it's good to become re-acquainted with the ways of the past, as they will guide the unwary away from reinventing many of the sins of the past.

The original essays, funded by GQ, were based upon the concept that the editors turned Peter out with enough money to scour the world, identify what things rich men were interested in, find out why they wanted it and report back on what it costs. The only thing that hasn't withstood the test of time are the valuations. Most things are more expensive today. The items selected have held up.

Bespoke clothing, adultery, lawyers, servants, caviar, second homes, private jets and more are covered.

I reread AT for about the 20th time over the weekend. Over the years I have had the opportunity to sample some of the wares suggested, and have been suitably warned off others because of Mr. Mayle. Give it a try. I think you'll like it. It may also save you from yourself.

Toad

I may be untrainable

You would think I would eventually learn, but no, I rarely do.

Since moving to The Park 2 years ago, periodically a man with the big truck comes and exchanges vast sums of money for his tank of heat. You call him, a day or two later he appears. It's a pretty good system.

Only I never remember to call him. It's cold. Very much so. We have no heat. Why? Because I did not call the man. Happens about once a year.

Now to add insult to injury, I have an arrangement with a neighbor. In exchange for garage space he clears our driveway. While we were gone he didn't plow. Now our drive is an icy mess, and the propane truck won't navigate our hill.

How many more weeks of winter?

Toad

Designers take note

I do not wake up cute.

I know, it was a revelation to me too. At the risk of sounding like I am apologizing, I am afraid I may have to give Mrs. Schnabel her due. Perhaps PJ's are to be commended. At the least, I probably owe my bride an apology.

Let me tell you what brought this on. Our home on Sanibel was comparatively tiny. 390 square feet. Includes living room, bedroom, kitchen, and bath.

I readily admit that I have no grounding in design, and neither feign knowledge of this subject nor would some say practice it, somewhere in the back of my cluttered mind though, I think mirrors are used to as a design element to expand space. Add light to tiny areas, etc. Our apartment used mirrors in spades.

Now I ask you. What kind of hellion would install mirrored closet doors, the entire length of your bed, within an arms length of your pillow?

After a certain age, the kink factor of giant mirrors in a bedroom losses some of its appeal. But imagine if you will, waking up in the morning, and the first thing you see is your own visage staring back at you. God, it's frightening.

Mrs. T., I apologize. You shouldn't have had to have been subjected to that all these years. For better or for worse not withstanding. My friends, waking up next to me more than twice may constitute a new definition of love.

Toad

You're it

Frequent commenter News Readin' Wife of the fabulous Breaking News has awarded the Your Blog is Fabulous Award to our humble missives. I am flattered and grateful. The award comes with the usual caveats and requirements. They are as follows:


"This fabulous award comes with a few rules: Put the logo on your blog or post. Nominate at least 10 blogs which you think are fabulous. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post. Let them know that they have received this award by commenting on their blog. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award," sayeth NRW.

I take all challenges seriously, sorta. That said, many of my favorite bloggers are black and blue from being tagged more often than a girl cousin at the family reunion. So forgive me if I pass by some of my favorite blogs, and let you in on a few secrets I really enjoy. If you are truly miffed that I did not specifically include you, please include yourself. No harm done.

My friends allow me to share with you my secret stash. 6 girls, 4boys

The Girls

1. Ms Mindless: Ms mindless is a long time frequent commenter here. Ms is a soon to be married kindergarten teacher in Washington DC. Her blog focus's on students, family and upcoming nupts. My daughter and I get a kick out of sharing in her life. mindless musings on my average life

2 Gladys: Gladys sorta reminds you of a wonderful Alice Kramden. I doubt she'd take sass from anyone. Usually her posts have me crying I am laughing so hard. Gladys Tells All

3. Country Doctors Wife: The Country Doctor's Wife

4. Eat Play Love:Eat Play Love is written by a long time family friend. I wouldn't forget Denise for the world.

5. Pink Cupcakes and Tab: Pink Cupcakes and TaB I think this goes to about half a dozen women, who are all in cahoots. I have been lurking here for ages and rarely stop in to say hello. I am ashamed of myself.

The boys

1. An Affordable Wardrobe: Joe is a clothes dude,an inveterate thrifter, husband, dad and architech. A pretty all 'round good guy.An Affordable Wardrobe

2. Midwestern Malaise: Midwestern Malaise I love Kansas City and Kansas Citians. This is one of the few blogs my daughter and I discuss regularly.

3. Advice to my sons:Advice to My Sons somehow I was fortunate to find this blog about an hour after his first post. It's one I check very early in the day to see what's new. Common Sense pours from his keyboard.

4. Today's Gentleman: I love this blog, mostly because I so often disagree with it. The man cares a lot, has a lot more spunk than I do, and is becoming a pretty good writer.Today's Gentleman

There is also a super secret winner, to whom I will not write, but will include anyway. Garance Dore garance doré . For those who read the Sartorialist religiously as I do, this woman is a much better photographer. Wish I kept up my high school French.

Toad

A Tale of Two Cities

You say Tomatoes, I say tomahtoes. Different strokes for different folks. The photo above was taken from our bedroom window Wednesday. The photo below was taken from our bedroom at The Park on Wednesday. You choose.

Toads are warm weather critters and I prefer the former. A week and a half away in the middle of winter will tide me over the next ten weeks of cold. It's good to go, its better to be home.

Sanibel was interesting. The week before our arrival was unusually cold and killed off all the flowering plants, so it wasn't as pretty as I suspect it normally is, but you could see how pretty it could be. This week is supposed to be cold too, so there.

I won't bore you with how our week was better than yours, but a few things stand out. First, I was greeted shortly after arrival, by a woman about my age, who lead with Hi Toad, how's Bunky (my youngest son)? I couldn't have picked her out of a lineup, Had no idea who she was.

To make a short story long, her daughter attended third grade with Bunky, twenty something years ago. Yes, I asked him, and no he had no idea who the daughter was. To make matters more weird, mom attended high school with Bunky's mother. What are the odds?

Number 2. Driving through Kentucky and southern Illinois yesterday, I was awed by the devastation of the ice storm. For a hundred miles trees were topped, split and toppled. It will take a generation to recover.

So let me close by saying I am glad to be home, I missed each of you, I am tired, and have a lot to do around here.

Also, thank you Katy for doing such a wonderful job in my absence.

Toad

Go Cardinals

Congratulations ladies and non-football loving men! You are painfully close to this football season finally being over. Whoo Hooo. If you are off to a Superbowl Party today have fun and be safe. We will be staying home and watching the game with some friends. I will be rooting for the Cardinals. In all reality, I don't really care but am waging a $10 bet against my husband that they will win. Either way, after today we have a 6-1/2 month break until next football season. Enjoy it! :-)