Local Tailors

I have two words to say about local tailors. Use Them!

Each of has learned the hard way that many of the clothes hanging in our closets look really good on hangers. Unfortunately, they don't always look good on us.

There is a simple reason for that. Off the rack clothing is not meant to fit living humans. We do not come in standard sizes. We're long waisted, short waisted, crooked, have one leg longer than another, etc. etc. etc.

Frankly, I think its a miracle that clothes fit as well as they do, but really how many adults are size models?

Sadly, I know little of fashion, or women's clothing. I've been married to a short woman, and a tall one, and both have complained that they cannot find clothes that fit. It's especially difficult if you have special requirements.

So let a tailor do his/her job. You have already bought the clothes, spend a few dollars more. Have the hem adjusted to fit you, take in a shoulder, let out a waist, refashion a favorite that may be out of style.

At the end of the day you will have a garment that fits you well. You'll look good in it. It will improve your confidence, now that's sexy.

Just sayin'

Finding a good tailor may take a little trial and error. If you don't know one, ask at a fabric store, try Craigslist, ask your favorite retailer. The right one is out there.

Toad

They are ALWAYS your kids

Number 2 son is a forest fire fighter near Lake George, Colorado. Only this year there haven't been any fires, which is good news for the locals, and bad news for him.

Most of the year he lives in Portland Oregon, where he is a student. It has taken him a long time to find his calling, but he is becoming a fascinating adult, one I am very proud of. This has not been his summer.

In preparation of fire season, he wanted to buy a very sturdy truck. He knew he would be a long way from help, and needed something which would safely get him there and back home.

His old boss was restoring a Land Cruiser. Bunky drove it a lot last summer, knew and liked the truck and eventually agreed to buy it. The LC worked fine in Oregon, but limped into Colorado. Initially he blamed it on not being set up for altitude. He quickly found out otherwise.

Tis a new engine he would he needing. So with a lot of pluck he found the local off road fixer, who found an engine and engine rebuilder for him. He spent his first 60 days in Colorado without wheels. Fortunately, his sister and her husband live in Denver, and they periodically would visit, bring him groceries, and when available lend him a car. It's been a long summer for him.

Finally, his truck was ready the last weekend in July. Much happiness in his house.

Last night, he rolled it. Three times. Coming down a gravel mountain road he swerved to avoid an ascending car on a switchback. Bunky swerved down the mountainside.

Mercifully, no one was hurt.

So what's a dad to do when his youngest is a thousand miles from home, near broke, no car, no way home? I offered him my car.


Looks like I'm heading to Colorado soon.


Toad

Before Kids Had Rights- An Oldie Revisited

As promised, once again we delve into the days when I was writing for one. This story was about one of my favorite Christmas's, albeit long ago.
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In my formative years kids did not have rights, so I still have trouble with the notion of parents soliciting the opinions of children. In the olden days, parents rarely gave a moments consideration to what their kids wanted, or the safety of the toys they gave their children. One of my favorite all time gifts was received Christmas 1957, that golden age of kids toys.

Plastics were just coming available. The possibilities were endless. On that glorious bygone day, Santa brought a Mattel Fanner 50 toy pistol. Young moderns watching the video below will be aghast at the gincracks found on this baby. But I swear this is true,and was widely available.



Yes in fact, it did shoot real plastic bullets, at a pretty good distance. The greenie stickem caps sucked, and I still remember attempting to peel them off the backs of the cartridges.

While I can't accurately say for sure, I do believe that this gun, and the better shooting rifle which was released the next year may have had something to do with the inception of product safety laws.

You might not only put your eye out, but with luck could blind your best friend too!

Toad

Oh Happy Day

What a great day. First, the patch mad bow tie from Ellie LaVange Stager arrived. Gents, if you are bow tie inclined, get in touch with this woman immediately. This is the finest bow tie I have ever owned. I've paid much more for others, but I have never owned a better crafted tie. Thank you, thank you, thank you Ellie. My next order is in your email box.

Then the Polish tailor called and asked me to try on the linen jacket. First fittings are always somewhat disappointing, but eventually things worked out. Minor adjustments included lining the front, in order to have inside pockets, and half the back, just because. The sleeve buttonhole color was changed from a darker brown to baby blue. I was wearing a Ralph gingham with just the right shade of blue pony. Somehow it felt right although I worry it might be too much. Time will fix it. The edging of the shawl collar is being hand stitched, that is what's taking the bulk of the time. I should be able to pick it up Friday.

Finally, daughter Katy is spending the weekend with us. She was looking for a little heat, just to remember what Summer is like. We should be able to oblige.

Have a great weekend. If you are new around these parts, stop in and say hello. I'm glad you're here.

Toad

May I have a civics lesson?

Admittedly, I am out of touch on many things. It comes from not having omnipotent teens in the house.

What caught me off guard was the news the local public schools open next week. In Missouri, technically it is against the law for schools to open before Labor Day, unless they....

There are a lot of unlesses.

So here is where I need your help. I'm old, schools used to open a day or two after labor Day in my era. So why do they open so early now?

Is it a function of No child Left Behind? A bone tossed for working parents? Do we have dumber kids now, who need more time in class? How did they get the Teachers Union buy in. Truly, I don't know and welcome your answers.

Toad

The Awakening Part Deux

Last March I announced my intention to move my favorite statue, J. Seward Johnson's "The Awakening", from buddy ADG's house to space closer to mine. Ground preparation is coming along well, and an October 10th unveiling is scheduled. My prior offer of available rooms stands should you choose to attend.

To get the locals excited about our new sculpture park, Mayberry has turned into a living breathing Johnson gallery. Twenty of his life sized bronze works have been scattered around the community.

It was a beautiful day yesterday, and Mrs. T and I went to see how many we could find.

This is my favorite. Titled, "Best Seller" it depicts a scene that is frequently found at The Park.



As we approached this, a little girl (2-3ish) was poking at him. She was absolutely conviced he was real, and was trying to wake him. No power on earth was going to convince her otherwise.


This obviously is "Midstream". I saw this in front of City Hall Monday, before I knew about the showing.




On our first trip we found 14 of the 20. Over the next few weeks I post more of the pix.

Lap of Choice

A Thought to Consider

Toad

Seven

Remember the Seinfeld episode where George told Susan he wanted to name his future son 7? Well I have a granddaughter named Seven, and today is her birthday.

We met Seven, on the weekend Mrs. T and I were married. Her given name is Katie, and since we have a lot of Katie's, I told her for the weekend instead of calling Katie and getting lots of answers, I would call a number in age order of whom I wanted, her number was 3.

She quickly put me in my place by letting me know in no uncertain terms that she was 7, not 3. So, she has been 7 ever since.
The young lass is a sweetheart, a tease, and the sun that lights our family's sky.

As we say around birthday time:

HBD2U

HBD2U

HBDD7

HBD2U

With lots of love,

Toad

Let's modernize weddings.

For years, I have begun my Sundays by reading the NY Times Vows section. The sense of hope and optimism on display has long been a tonic to the rest of the paper. I still enjoy it, but its also beginning to bring me down. Allow me to explain.

Take Sunday's paper for example. Twenty nine couples exchanged vows. Most weddings were performed by traditional priests, rabbis or ministers in traditional churches, temples, or synagogues. Almost half were married in what would have been considered a non traditional setting, not many years ago.

Twenty four per cent of the weddings were conducted by folk who mailed in a check and won an ordination. Think about this a bit.

We've all been to those weddings where the newly Rev'ed, Aunt Jane, is the officiant. These weddings always feel like a mixed metaphor to me. If the betrothed do not want a religious ceremony why go through the hassle?

I am beginning to prefer the Colorado method.

In Colorado, and probably many of the formerly frontier states, a couple is considered married, when and if, they say they are. End of story. No preachers, Justice of the Peaces, judges or anyone else required. Makes perfect sense. Probably gives the family law attorneys fits too.

Currently, this right does not extend to all Colorado's citizens and that's not fair. Hopefully, we will overcome that prejudice soon.

Toad

Dating Tips for Gentlemen-Part 1 Redux

As we quickly approach the first anniversary of this humble blog, I looked back and realized some of my favorite posts date to when I was writing to an audience of 1. So I decided it was time to bring some favorites back into the light, in the hope of benefiting some who were not here a year ago, or those who don't read archives. Today and the next 2 Sundays are oldies but goodies. This from September 24, 2008.
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It may be reasonably asked, Toad you're old and married, where do you get off giving dating tips? Let me answer this way. Consider it a public service announcement. Also, because I am older, wiser, more experienced, and have more common sense than you.

Like all rules, some of these are made to be broken. I have ignored them all over the years and lived to tell the tale. That is not a strong recommendation, for dismissing them out of hand.

Also, let me suggest the following before reading. These may, or may not, apply to boy-boy, girl-girl encounters. I am blissfully ignorant of such goings on. Additionally, I believe the following to be true. If you are unemployed, you probably shouldn't be dating. Unemployment saps the self confidence and self confidence is vitally important on a first date. Secondly, married women are out of bounds, to gentlemen, at all times.

My 10 Commandments

1. There is an implied contract when asking a woman for a date. The implication is that you are an interesting person, and believe that she may also be a person of interest, and you are willing to find that out, by asking for a date. If she accepts she too is interested.

In short, the first date is about her.

2. Primp: A day or so before the date, call and tell her exactly where she is going, and what she is going to do. Then lay out your clothes. Are they clean, do they fit, do they need pressing? Shine your shoes.

I admit a certain embarrassment in mentioning this, but much observation makes me tell you, to shower, shave, brush your teeth, comb your hair and make yourself presentable. There is absolutely nothing wrong in being the best dressed man, wherever you are going.

Ever watch your sister get ready for a date? The girls spend a lot more time getting ready than you. Honor your date by looking your best.

3. Wash your car, get gas, go to the ATM before you pick her up. You asked her, you're paying, no questions asked. Turn off your car radio when you get to her house. You have different tastes in music. Don't kill your chances here.

4. Be prepared for anything when you knock on her door. She may live at home, so you may get to meet her parents. Perhaps she has young children. Be polite, be interested. Don't kick her cat.

5. Turn off your cell phone, or at least set it on vibrate. If you answer it you die. This date is about you two. It's not important to know that your friends have found the bar where the fashion week models hang out. Your not going there, you have plans for the evening.

6. Be a gentleman. Help her with her coat, open her door, open the car door, walk around the front of the car, get in. When you arrive, open her car door, assist her as needed.

Perhaps this sounds really out of touch, but let me explain. Its good manners. You are trying to stand out from the crowd. Show early on that you are at least semi-evolved. It will pay dividends later.

7. There is only the two of you. You are both adults. You each have baggage, you have dated before. It's not important for her to know tonight that you regularly date the Cowboys cheerleaders. You don't want to find out tonight that she regularly dates pro football players.

She accepted your offer of a date, because she has some interest in getting to know you. Women are the civilizing influence in our culture. She is not going out with you solely because you are male and breathing. Show some respect. Listen to her, she doesn't want to hear your complaints about old girlfriends.

8. Send a text message tonight, and the date is OVER. She has my permission to either shove your IPHONE unlubricated up your ass, or ask to be taken home immediately. You will take either quietly and deservedly.

9. There are less than 6 degrees of separation. Regardless of where you live, your circle intersects hers somewhere.

Before your date, she told everyone she knows that she was going out with you. This was for two reasons. To find out something about you, and for bragging rights. After the date, she will again talk with everyone she knows about your date. If you are a bounder, your dating pool will quickly become polluted. Even if you were not the right guy for her, if you comported your self well, she will tell everyone that sadly you two didn't click, but that you were a good pick up for someone else.

10. Sometimes miracles happen. Keep a fresh one in your wallet and use it. Don't forget to call the next day.

I await your comments. In your heart you know I'm right.

Toad

Ellie LaVeer Stager

I knew she had to be there somewhere, but due to sloth, ignorance or some other deadly sin I had yet to locate her. Then buddy Conor of Old Man/ Young Man did the heavy lifting for me.

To quote Captain Duke Forrest, "I think I'm in love".

Is there anything potentially more expensive than the Internet? Daily we are bombarded with pretty and expensive must haves, wanna haves and need to haves. Then along comes Ms. Ellie LaVeer Stager a young woman creating a business making affordable men's bow ties and accessories. All the photos are from her store, and show my next purchases.



I purchased the patch mad bow today, and am having a difficult time getting the striped linen out of my thoughts.

Ellie also makes ribbon belts, hand rolled pocket squares and probably anything else you're creative enough to suggest.

When the mad tie shows up I will talk about its quality, but for now I'll take Conor's word for it.

Can you picture the News Reading husband in one of these?

Happy 6tober,
Toad

Men and their wallets

From I Luv Fashion

Do men feel the same way about their wallets as women do theirs? I wonder.

It's been my observation that men come in two flavors. They either feel compelled to carry everything they own in their pockets, or they don't. Fit me in the latter category.

As with the ubiquitous tie, carryall men can count on opening that little package each Fathers Day and act surprised when they open a new wallet, just like their old one. They then spend the rest of the day throwing out little scraps of paper and lint, restocking the new wallet, looking at the pictures once more, then slam it into their back pockets.

Their backs hurt and never understand why. God bless them.

My group on the other hand, can't stand things in our pockets. Our wallets, while they reflect nothing of our inner goodness, are selected by us, with care to provide a place for everything. The thought of someone else selecting our wallets sends shivers down our spines. We also tend to keep them forever.

I had the good fortune to find a wallet while in high school, that was to me the last word in what a wallet should be. It was just the right shade of brown, opened the right way, was just the right size. It lasted 35 years. I nearly wept when it died.

After it died I experimented a bit. Never one to live in the past I tried this Bosca breast pocket number. It came well recommended, but somehow it just didn't work for me. I don't always wear a jacket, and this is exactly as long as the front pocket in a pair of Bill's Khakis.

After much trial and error I've settled on something a bit more esoteric. In my working days a major client was an international architectural firm. All of the principals carried a pocket case which held a number of 3X5 index cards. The Ettinger case in the first photo is as close an approximation as I could find.

It works perfectly as a wallet. Just a tad larger than an index card it holds everything I need in practically no space. (Currently holding 5 index cards, drivers lic, 3 credit cards, library card, gym card,and $50.) Built like a tank too. I ought to get another 20 years out of it.

Below is a photo of mine. Fits perfectly in a breast or front pants pocket, and not a 1/2 inch wide.

Try it you'll like it.

Toad

Waitress Cards?

Perhaps I am not as with it as I had hoped, since I was left slack jawed leaving a local eatery.

Are bars family places? Not necessarily, but most don't mind mom, dad and the kids stopping by for dinner, just as long as they pick up and go pretty quickly. This was one of those places, you could tell that by the waitress suits. Not Hooters skimpy, but.... God, I'm getting old.

The joint had been opened only a couple of weeks. Mrs. T wanted to try it, so with another couple we headed towards the bright lights of the big city. Dinner was bar food, which wasn't unexpected. What may have been unexpected was the servers had no trays.

Whenever an order was ready, a bevy of barmaids, each dressed skimpier than the next appeared, each with one order. Obviously, no one knew who got what, so service was sloppy, and food was cold. No particular reason to return.

Eventually the bill was presented, in our servers "Little Black Book". Cute, eh? Not as cute as the waitress trading card included in her book.






Is that cool or what? Actually our server was Allison, but I traded with the guy at the next table. He had the whole set. As daughter Katy might ask, "could you imagine?"

Toad

The linen jacket

I doubt that I am alone in having clothes in my closet that seemed like a good idea at the time. Generally, if I wait a while, they either grow on me and I love them forever or I see the mistake and rid myself of their memory pretty quickly.

I do like clothes with a bit of a twist. Especially jackets.


This was the first jacket I'd ever had made, and it took a long time to come around to it. It was too stark, too white. Several years on its beginning to mellow wonderfully. The wool is taking on a nicely aged yellowed patina.

From the looks of it, its a standard white dinner jacket. Double breasted, shawl collar. I love shawl collars. Although you can't tell from the photo, its made to button only at the bottom, a style popularized by the Duke of Windsor's more famous brother.

While its never seen a formal dinner, it does get much use as a summer sport coat. With a pair of red, or blue poplin pants its the bees knees. Wear black and your mistaken for a waiter. Super 140 Merino wool, light as a feather.

Several weeks ago I asked your recommendations for a jacket similar to this.

From Mr. Mort

I listened. Thank you for saving me from myself. I did not buy the black linen, as much as I wanted to. Instead I selected this.


It's a 14 ounce, unbleached natural linen. It nowhere near as light as this picture shows. Think the tan in a Eileen Fisher ad.

I spent Monday morning with the tailor.

Within three weeks this scrap of fabric will turn into a one button, shawl collared, patch pocketed, unconstructed jacket. The effect I am going for is almost a sweater (I get cold in A/C). Side vents, surgeon sleeves, sleeve buttonholes outlined in darker brown thread. It will never see a tie, but if all works as I hope, it may get worn out from wear long before its due. If it doesn't a year or two in the closet will fix it.

Toad

Soul Storage

Your soul troubling you?

Might I suggest The Soul Storage Company . My initial suspicion was that this may have been a Maxminimus consulting project gone horribly wrong. Further research has shown that it's for real. Nonetheless, their state of the art soul extraction system will quickly and easily unburden you of your unwanted soul and its clinging desires and cares.

Satisfied clients describe soullessness as being lighter and more care free. Dark moods pass more quickly, earthly desires less intense. An ideal situation for most overstressed urbanites since your soul is not responsible for your actions when it's not with you.

Should you want your soul back it can easily be returned, although it's recommended that not do this more than 6 or 7 times a year.

Additionally, this being a full service organization, you can try on someone else's soul for a while. Rent one, rent yours out. (Safer and more profitable than selling blood on the Internet) They have many available, some in your area. Try several on, its OK.

Think of your soul as a timeshare. Take it when you want it, let someone else worry about it when you don't.

Toad

Ms. Mindless

Ms. Mindless of Mindless Musings is being married today. I am very happy for Mrs. M, and the lucky man who will share his life with her.

I found Ms. M's blog just prior to beginning mine. It has been a secret goal of mine to write as well and as funny about every day occurances as she manages to do. I'll never match her wit and panache, but it doesn't keep a boy from trying.

I can't wait for the pictures from the wedding and reception.

Best Wishes, Ms. M from Mrs. T, myself and all of us here.

Toad

This just in

I've had weddings on my mind for the past day or so. I'll more fully explain why tomorrow.

I must have been sending out some kind of vibe, since out of the blue daughter Katy sent this to me with the tag, "Could you even imagine?"

This would never fly in a suburban Catholic church, and maybe not yours either, but it's not my wedding to judge. The kids look like they are having fun,and they end up just as married as the couple married by a bishop.

So take a couple of minutes out of your busy day, and wear a smile every time you think of this.




Toad

TIVO Wars

Once upon a time we had a VCR. A movie was never played on it in the 5 years we had it. It lived on the dresser in Mrs. T's office (our bedroom) and was set to daily tape Oprah and Dr. Phil. This system worked perfectly well.

About the time we moved, some idiot gave Oprah a TIVO. My life hasn't been the same since.

I caught stupid. If Oprah loved hers, why wouldn't Mrs. T love one too. The VCR began to smoke, so one evening while at Best Buy I bought a TIVO.

Initially sceptical, Mrs. T took to it like a duck to water. Within hours she had it mastered. No longer content with recording Oprah and Dr. Phil, she recorded season passes for every wedding, birthing, home remodeling and doctor program on television. Peace reigned supreme in our household.

A year of two later, we received a big screen HD television for Christmas. A new TV required a digital TIVO. Would it surprise you to know the big screen was set up in Mrs. T's office? We haven't watched a live program since.

Unfortunately, the new TIVO had 6 times the recording capacity as the old, so the old TIVO was sloughed off to me. Our viewing habits couldn't be more different.

I tend towards the old movie, PBS side of the equation. Here's what's on mine.

Mrs. T's is somewhat different.




Naturally, its a friendly battle, but if one of use needs a little space, all they have to do is turn on their TIVO. The room clears pretty quickly.

If you do have a TIVO make certain to connect it your home network. There are a surprising number of goodies hidden away.

Toad

Book Report Day

I've lost two consecutive nights sleep lately, and frankly I don't mind so much. Recently, I asked for book suggestions to fill in my meagre background of immediate post war Southeast Asia. I received two great suggestions that I want to pass on. Thank you ADG and ignorance arbitrage for your suggestions. I didn't need the sleep anyway.

The Golden Boy, by Martin Booth
Martin Booth was the 8 year old son of a low level British naval employee who was sent to Hong Kong in 1952. The Golden Boy is a memoir written to his children shortly before his death. of his 3 years there. In many respects he had a horrific childhood, as his father was a drunken martinet more concerned with appearances than his family. His mother and he loved Hong Kong, and had many adventures in and around the community trying desperately to keep out of his father's way. Father accused them of going native.

Typically the English rulers never saw, or got to know the city. A young boy, who secretly learned Chinese and his daring mother did. Theirs is a Hong Kong which probably no longer exists but for several years it was heaven.

Incidentally, after returning to Britain in 1955, at the end of dad's tour, they returned to Hong Kong for good in 1958. That was probably a better story, but one Mr. Booth did not live to tell.

The Great Fire: by Shirley HazzardThe Great Fire is story of the forbidden love of a thirty something year old English war hero with the teen aged daughter of a tyrannical Australian medical administrator in occupied Japan.

While our hero struggles to do the right thing, love keeps dragging him closer to destruction. With 20 pages to go, and sunlight rising I couldn't figure out how it would end gracefully.

I'm not much of a novel reader, but this pushed all the right buttons.

So I'm still searching. If you have any recommendations novel, biography or history of the returning expats to Southeast Asia immediately following the end of WWII, please let me know.

Toad

So who'd want her?

I am in no position to give dating advice. I've been out of the game too long, and was never very good at it to begin with, so take some of this with a smidgen of salt.

Mrs. T and I each have our separate TIVO's. Our viewing habits are dissimilar at best. Mine is filled with old movies, and hers has EVERY reality, dating, bride and birthing show aired. Both are full. Mine has 40 hours storage, Mrs. T's 240.

That being said, I generally, do not get to see the Bachelorette. I think its on the same time as curling, but I've caught enough walking through the room to gather that the current bride to be is not much of a catch,and may in fact be a living, breathing, walking demonstration of how not to date. Let me offer several examples.

If you haven't seen the program allow me to offer a bit of background. Ladies correct where necessary.

The bachelorette is a youngish woman, who in normal circumstances could get a date. She is attractive, out going and alleges to be fun. She wants badly to get married NOW.

She is then presented with 2 dozen single, model type guys who also appear to be fun, and available for marriage. The bachelorettes job is to whittle the eligibles down until she finds the guy of her dreams. In 8 years its only happened once, but that is neither here nor there. Hope springs eternal.

In the course of whittling the eligibles we are shown the B'ette in a number of vignettes where she gets to know about the boys, and opens up about herself, both in group and one on one settings. This is where we come to find that this woman is in trouble.

So what's so wrong? Guys if you're still here I need you now. Remember when I mentioned she wants to get married NOW? OK, so guys in their late 20's and early 30's want to get married too. Not necessarily NOW. We want to get to know a woman a bit, know her family, understand who it is we're waking up with in the morning. Meet her friends.

A few months competition on a TV game show doesn't count. Leading with I want to get married NOW, may make for good televison amongst the sisterhood, but is something of a turn off.

She's anxious to start a family. Boys understand the biological imperative. Few are driven by it. Nothing is scarier than meeting a woman and being confronted with, not only do I want to get married NOW, I'm looking to start a family Now too. Most guys run away quickly at this point. Ladies, while the biological imperative may be true, keep it to yourself. Big Turnoff.

Finally, the overnight dates. When the B'ette narrows the field down to a manageable 3 or 4, the contestants are offered an overnight date. Sort of a try before you buy scenario. Call me a prude, but I'm wondering how this is working for her? You're guy number three and you know every guy in the room has tried her already. Not something you're looking for in wife material. He might try, he won't buy, knowing all his friends have been there first.

I wish her luck, but she's been dealt a poor hand, and either doesn't know how to play it, or can't. Not gonna turn out well.

Toad

Same mother?