Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Dog Show - Part II

Let's get this out of the way early.

Repeat after me, " Toad, you are a pig".

I admit it, but sometimes it helps you feel better to call others names when someone is pointing out obvious truths.

I am willing to concede several points early on, in the hopes you will return the gesture when the time comes.

Point 1. Besides all the work that goes on behind the scenes, it is a great skill to lift a dog onto the judging box, take it down when told, and walk a dog down the runway on command. I grant that this is true.

Point 2: This skill is trainable to someone with a bit of common sense and a willingness to show up on time, perhaps in exchange for money.

In return for these concessions you must now accept the following.

Point 3: Many of the people on the front lines are, shall we say, stout? I am too. I'm merely pointing out the obvious.

Point 4: The baser instincts of humankind are always in place. That said, judges are people too, and all things considered, judges however much their work is to focus on the dogs, would rather deal with an attractive human. Whatever your preference, male or female, straight or gay is makes no difference.

Attractive participants probably makes for better television too.

Point 5: There are lots of trainable real and wannabe models looking for work.

Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce to the you, the Toad School of Dog Show Handlers.

At the Toad School attractive model types will learn such skills as how to pick up, and set down a dog. Walking the catwalk with a dog. How to make and keep eye contact with judges.

Once trained, clients can safely hire a passel of graduates to attend shows, based upon the judges preferences.

Straight Female judge hire a beefcake. You get the picture.

Enrollment begins soon.



Blue said...

Cynic ... oh, and what's this about the the last days of the Empire? Last days? What last days? Such a revisionist view of history is unacceptable, sir.

Anonymous said...

Great theory, but with a couple of flaws.

First, the judges are there to see the dogs, not the people. And the judges are not announced until the dogs and their handlers are registered.

Second, a professional handler will never draw attention to themselves, as they are there to present the dog. A handler who is flashy, conspicous, or on the scene "to be seen" would never be hired by a serious or experienced dog owner.

Third, a handler has to have a real relationship with the dog in order to show him to best advantage. Dogs on the high-end show circuit usually live and travel with their handlers during their show careers. The handlers work for the dog, and the dog's owner, grooming, training, preening, and finally putting the dog on the show floor to perform. It's a tough job.

Go to a local dog show sometime and observe the amateur handlers. Those who spend more time grooming themselves than their dogs generally don't do very well

Love your blog.

ms. mindless said...

Toad, I love it. Here is my dog show confession. I hate the horrible orthopedic shoes the women wear. What about some chic ballet flats? One could run a short distance in that kind of shoe. I have certainly chased down a cab or bus in them without discomfort. These people are on television! They should at least attempt to look a bit polished.

Toad said...

Save for Ms. Mindless you folks are way too serious this morning. Try and create a few jobs and what do you get?

I'd pay money to watch MM run down a bus in chic ballet flats, but that's just me.

Dumbwit Tellher said...

I would expect for there to be record numbers in attendance for said dog shows, would you not think?! Pig..not really, just a budding entrepreneur Sir Toad. Got to love your honesty
: D deb

Dumbwit Tellher said...

Oh..and I adore your humor, I must not forget that!!

Baron said...

Do you think that the handlers are attempting to achieve some sort of physical perfection in the animals which they are unable to attain in themselves ?