11 hours ago
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Dog Show - Part II
Let's get this out of the way early.
Repeat after me, " Toad, you are a pig".
I admit it, but sometimes it helps you feel better to call others names when someone is pointing out obvious truths.
I am willing to concede several points early on, in the hopes you will return the gesture when the time comes.
Point 1. Besides all the work that goes on behind the scenes, it is a great skill to lift a dog onto the judging box, take it down when told, and walk a dog down the runway on command. I grant that this is true.
Point 2: This skill is trainable to someone with a bit of common sense and a willingness to show up on time, perhaps in exchange for money.
In return for these concessions you must now accept the following.
Point 3: Many of the people on the front lines are, shall we say, stout? I am too. I'm merely pointing out the obvious.
Point 4: The baser instincts of humankind are always in place. That said, judges are people too, and all things considered, judges however much their work is to focus on the dogs, would rather deal with an attractive human. Whatever your preference, male or female, straight or gay is makes no difference.
Attractive participants probably makes for better television too.
Point 5: There are lots of trainable real and wannabe models looking for work.
Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce to the you, the Toad School of Dog Show Handlers.
At the Toad School attractive model types will learn such skills as how to pick up, and set down a dog. Walking the catwalk with a dog. How to make and keep eye contact with judges.
Once trained, clients can safely hire a passel of graduates to attend shows, based upon the judges preferences.
Straight Female judge hire a beefcake. You get the picture.
Enrollment begins soon.