1. China State Visit, 1986
If you stay here much longer, you’ll all be slitty-eyed.
2. To a blind women with a guide
“Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?”
3. To an Aborigine in Australia
“Do you still throw spears at each other?”
4. To his wife, the Queen, after her coronation
“Where did you get the hat?”
5. When asked if he would like to visit the Soviet Union
“The bastards murdered half my family”
6. To a Briton in Budapest
“You can’t have been here that long – you haven’t got a pot belly.”
7. To a driving instructor in Scotland
“How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?”
8. To a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea
“You managed not to get eaten, then?”
9. To Elton John after hearing Elton had sold his Gold Aston Martin
“Oh, it’s you that owns that ghastly car – we often see it when driving to Windsor Castle.”
10. On the London Traffic Debate
“The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop tourism, we could stop the congestion.”
11. To the President of Nigeria, dressed in traditional robes
“You look like you’re ready for bed!”
12. Unknown
“If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it’s either a new woman or a new car!”
13. On key problems facing Brazil
“Brazilians live there”
14. To the matron of a hospital in the Caribbean
“You have mosquitos. I have the Press”
15. ‘If it has got four legs and it is not a chair, if it has got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane, and if it swims and it is not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.’ To a meeting of the World Wildlife Fund in 1986.
Happy Birthday sir, may you live forever and continue to share your opinions with the rable.
Toad
Posts
9 comments:
Ok Toad....I laughed so hard reading your post today that I have coffee coming through my nose and my wife is quite unhappy with it! (naturally, I blamed it on you). Thanks for the laughs today...I needed them.
My favorites are 2 and 12
I've always had a crush on that man, so handsome, got the devil in his eye, I liked #12 too.
Reading about these untamed wildfires in CO, Toad, and hoping your firefighting son is safe today.
-Flo
Thank you Flo. He retired at the end of last season, saying he was too old (33) to do young man's work anymore. Now he is working hard to finish the requirements to get into nursing school.
Ah. Now that you mention "nursing school," I'm beginning to remember you did tell us about his change of field. That's a smart young man, he must have read the same tables of today's most desperately needed professionals where Nursing consistently sits at the top of the list, salary commensurate to levels of desperation. Not too far down the list sits Occupational Therapist, in case he decides to change his mind. [If I were starting over, I think I'd go for an OT license.] My hat's off to your son.
-Flo
I am printing your post from today and pinning it to the wall...when I feel I must dissemble in order to be "correct", I will remember this list and say, "The Hell With It, this is what I Really Think"!
You have to admire the old boy.
Good luck to your son.
Ah....I knew there was something more to that fellow we call Prince Phillip ! I have always been curious about him and it is you that has revealed his dour sense of humor. Great post.
“If you see a man opening a car door for a woman, it means one of two things: it’s either a new woman or a new car!”
I've quoted him more than a few times :O)
I did a bit about him on my blog the other day as part of my jubilee post. He gave up a lot to marry the princess and had never wavered in his loyalty to her and her title.
Post a Comment