Thank you Oprah

I've lost my wife.

No, not in the mall. She's locked in her office with her new best friend, the Oprah Winfrey Network, promising/threatening to never reappear.

Mrs. T relaxes after the gym by catching up with Oprah. Skipping over the commercials frees 40 minutes or so of my day. Time I often spend with you. Now, the Oprah Network exists,and it's all Oprah and her minions 24/7.

Which answers the age old question, "Can you ever get too much Opie?" Apparently, not.

Toad

Stuck in the snow?

Spamalot

You may recall Mrs. T was, at best, a reluctant traveler to Spamalot, her mood not helped by having scratched her eye Saturday afternoon.

"Tell me again what this is about," she asked. Since I could see, and read in the dim light I read from the Playbill:



Followed by parts of the Who's Who, earning the evil eye.



Probably 40% of the audience hadn't a clue what they had walked into, most wondering what was with the hats.



Ten minutes in, the cast had them eating out of their hands. It was a marvelously enchanted evening. Mrs. T came around quickly, laughing at all the right parts, genuinely enjoying herself. Still she was hesitant when I suggested watching the last half of the movie when we got home. Many more thanks to daughter Katy and her hubby.



Black velvet works perfectly in drafty theaters.

Toad
Happy Birthday Mrs. Bagwell

Separated at birth? An irregular series

Lauren Graham

of

Gillmore Girls fame

Nigella Lawson Saatchi

of

Kitchen fame

Just wondering.

Toad

scary

Sauce Magazine is a local monthly dedicated to food lore and related stuff. Their web site is my go to when searching for a restaurant, and blog I read just for fun. On Friday they publish their favorite tweets of the week.

This tweet caught my eye:

iTapBeerTender
Had a 21 yr old celebrating their birthday in iTap last night. They were born in 1990… #mademefeelold

Hard to disagree.

Toad

David Bowie - cool guy

He's led the parade at the beat of his own drum for almost 45 years. Married to Iman almost 20. Devilishly handsome. Turns 64 today.





Happy birthday, Ziggy, you have made us happy for a very long time.

Toad

fun facts

Ok, so this isn't exactly gospel truth, but it is a great story. Enjoy it anyway.

Toad

title unknown)

from Blog of a Bookslut by Jessa Crispin

100+ people liked this

From my weekend reading:

Dante was standing near the Ponte Vecchio, a bridge that crosses the Arno River in Florence. It was just before 1300... Dante saw Beatrice standing on the bridge. He was a young man, she even younger, and that vision contained the whole of eternity for him.

Dante did not speak to her. He saw her very little. And then Beatrice died, carried off by plague. Dante was stricken with the loss of his vision. She was the intermediary between his soul and Heaven itself.

Six hundred fifty years later, during World War II, the Americans were chasing the German army up the Italian "boot." The Germans were blowing up everything of aid to the progression of the American army, including the bridges across the Arno River. But no one wanted to blow up the Ponte Vecchio, because Beatrice had stood on it and Dante had written about her. So the German army made radio contact with the Americans and, in plain language, said they would leave the Ponte Vecchio intact if the Americans would promise not to use it. The promise was held. The bridge was not blown up, and not one American soldier or piece of equipment went across it. We're such hard bitten people that we need hard bitten proof of things, and this is the most hard bitten fact I know to present to you. The bridge was spared, in a modern, ruthless war, because Beatrice had stood upon it.

-- Robert Johnson
"The Figure of Beatrice in Dante's Divine Comedy"

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Memories- August 1970

Seems like yesterday, doesn't it?


Photo liberated from Paris Hotel Boutique Journal

In the mean time, news from Sri Lanka

Toad

I swear this is true

Pinky swear. Honest to god, swear. It's a girl thing.

Along with the gift of land my daughter and her husband gave Mrs. T and I tickets to Spamalot.

This morning my bride asked what Spamalot was about.

I told her it was a takeoff of Monty Python and the Holy Grail,

and was met with a vacant stare.

I began at first principles. What Monty Python was. The search. Why the coconuts...

I then set her down with the video, which she claims to have never seen.

I have no idea what planet she was raised on. A friend told me it's the same at his house.

Gents, this is what happens when you marry a child bride.

Toad

The wrong trousers

Shopping in my closet has been working out well, until I consider my options for dress pants. I've got play clothes, I've work clothes, I can even don a suit if the occasion calls. Slacks to dress the odd jacket are scarce.



I saw the problem coming as I planned for the holidays. The cherished gray flannels would need periodic airing, so alternatives were sought.

Too much time spent in front of Black Watch Everything simplified my decision. After nominal consideration, and a free shipping offer I ordered a pair of black watch flannels. In plenty of time for holiday frolics, no less.

I am happy to announce they arrived...Tuesday. Just in time for Bobby Burns Day.

I'll not mention the culprits, as the pants shall be returned.
Toad

Toad and the Turtle

I like turtlenecks. Especially black ones, so when Number 1 son asked what I wanted for Christmas I said a black turtleneck. Unless you are a Steve (Jobs or McQueen) every man needs at least one in his closet.

Black turtlenecks exude a certain debonair insolence to mere mortals, an undeserved sophistication. A way with words, and silences.



What I really meant, and I knew it when I told him was, I like the idea of turtlenecks more than the execution. As much as I like the look, even on me, the neck always gags, and before long I've stretched it until I look even more like a potato sack.

So I give them up. So much for the slimming power of black.

Several years on I'm certain I need a black turtleneck, and the cycle renews.




Except this time the shirt fit. First time, out of the box, brand new. Still I look like a svelte sack of spuds, but now I don't care. One of Ralph's better numbers. I feel sophisticated. Adult.

Many thanks to #1 and family, you've hit a home run.

Toad

back to it

Our B&BLD [bed&breakfast,lunch and dinner] has shut for the season, now the house feels disturbingly empty. Even the dogs notice. They go to bed earlier, wake later, their routine has been shaken, they've trouble finding their equilibrium. So do I.

I'm selfish enough to long for a heavy snow. Locked inside for a time. Allowed to sit by the fire, nap, catch up with friends old and new, play with my toys, read a book, plan a trip. Celebrations with the masses are over, time for we time.


I'm not glum, I like this time of year. Traditionally, I say this without benefit of an almanac, these next 2 weeks are the coldest of our year. Dark, gray, bitter January. Perfect for hunkering down. This week not so much...

Instead, it's nose to the grindstone. Resolute in our resolutions. Racing towards the new.

This week, take a breath, remember to honor your past, and while enjoying your winter seed catalogs, seek scented plants. They speak of the promise of warmer days to come.

Toad
all portraits by the incomparable, talented, cherished Inga Moore

Rule Number 1

NMP too hard to consider? Try this simpler variation on a theme. In our home we call it Rule Number 1.

Rule Number 1 states: "you are not allowed to care more about someone else's problem than the participants."

If you're not paying the price, don't think about it twice.

Toad

End of the sermonizing

Not my problem

This is another annual tradition in these parts. I'm going to keep posting it, until more begin doing it. 100,00 wishes to you for a happy 2011.



I like you just the way you are.

However, if you are hell bent on making New Years resolutions, have the decency and courtesy to avoid those self esteem destroying, I'm gonna lose 25 pounds by swim suit season, types. I'm all for self improvement, but self delusion goes a long way. And keep 'em to yourself.

Allow me to recommend the hardest resolution you will ever encounter. It is mind numbingly easy if you simply change your entire world view. You will find if you utilize its simple principle, it will improve every aspect of your life. Did I mention its free?

With heartfelt thanks to my old boss, Hap Lignoul, and author Douglas Adams I call it NMP. NMP, as in Not My Problem.

Do you worry that your doofus high schooler forgot his homework, or scheduled 3 calendar conflicts? Don't stew about it, remember NMP. You're not paying the price, so do not give it another thought.

Is your neighbor off her diet? NMP

Did Karen order the office supplies? NMP

Do you suspect someone needs your unsolicited advice? Don't.

Not for the world, would I suggest you give up your kind, generous, thoughtful manner. What I am suggesting is, that if everyone tidied their own small piece of the world, and kept their nose out of everyone else's business, the world would be a much healthier and better place. Your stress level falls. Your blood pressure falls. You live a longer and healthier life. Your children learn the value of price paying, and responsibility, once they see you love them enough to let them fail, HARD. Focus on those things you are responsible for, and leave the rest.

Try it, I dare ya.

Toad

Happy New Year

In my part of Scotland, the New Year celebration is known as Hogmany. It's imperative to wear a mask. My dour Scots neighbors are afraid someone will see them having fun, and call their parents. Mercifully, my family tradition is from a bit further west.

My ancient relatives Irish New Years celebration is known as drunken brawl. It involves consuming copious alcoholic beverages, usually 12 ounces per serving. Masks are periodically worn, to elude the police, throw off the innocent victims, and protect the virgins.

Whatever your family tradition, party hardy, be safe and come back tomorrow in one piece. We'll leave the light on for ya.

For a bit more serious look at Celtic holiday traditions take a peek at my new best friends the Celtic Queens.

Toad

Parrot in the mineshaft

While you have been seasonally greeting, I've remained vigilant, preparing you for the day ahead. Today we give thanks to the US Armed Forces, our canary (parrot) in the mineshaft.

Obviously, the military performs tasks that most of us neither want to know about or think about having to do ourselves. Think Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men.



Our armed forces do what they are told with the resources given to them, and it's up to them to get the job done. Military commanders are only criticized for being in situations they shouldn't be in, by politicians who didn't protect them in the first place.

Two 2010 Army studies were published which up front, loud, in your face detailed the areas which will cripple it's future.

Draw a mental picture of a 2010 Army recruit. Patriots? Some. Kids looking to beat the sheriff? A few. Young people hoping to better themselves? Most certainly, it surely isn't the free work clothes which draws them in. In reality a pretty wide cross section shows up at a local recruiter.

In June the Army reported that 27% of recruit applicants are too fat to enlist. The spirit is willing, the body isn't able.

Last week, it was reported that 23% of recent high school graduate applicants failed the Armed Services Qualification Test,the entrance exam if you will. My suspicion is that this number is probably a constant, and reported every few years as news, but still it is unnerving.

If your curious, you may take the exam here without fear of a recruiter getting in touch. There are 4 parts. Arithmetic Reasoning, General Science, Math knowledge and Word knowledge.

So is there an answer? Certainly not one the Armed Forces can take on alone. They can't fight obesity, stupid and politicians at the same time. God bless 'em, for we know not what they do.

Toad

The Places in Between

I missed this when it was released several years ago, but a recent New Yorker profile of author Rory Stewart led me to seek out The Places In Between, and I'm glad a did.



The book is the story of Mr. Stewart's winter walk across Afghanistan shortly after the Taliban were evicted in 2002. Taking advantage of the Islamic cultural tradition of providing shelter and food to travelers, Rory, who speaks an Islamic dialect, tells the day by day story of the places he goes, the people he meets along his cross country, off the road walk.



What I found most chilling, and may change or harden your belief in what western military forces are doing in the country, is just how little the locals know of the world a few kilometers outside their villages. Beliefs that died in the west at the end of feudalism, are the norm in the mountainous villages and valleys he traveled.

The clear conclusion I drew was that Westerners will NEVER get their heads around rural Afghanistan. The illiteracy, the tribal animosities, the poverty begger modern western belief.

The story deserves your read. Orlando Bloom has signed on to play Rory in a film about his life.

Toad

It's art but is it good?

So Christmas is over, you still have a few coins jingling in your jeans and you're wondering where can I unload this cash before I wake up and realize I really need the cash to pay some bills, buy food, get hammered, whatever.

Then you wake up and throttle your kids for not doing this first. Even the dimmest bulb could become an internet millionaire sensation.

Just saying.

Toad

Happy Birthday- Westminster Abbey

On this date 1065, King Edward the Confessor dedicated what is now known as The Collegiate Church of St Peter at Westminster. A week later he died. His successor, Harold II the last king before the Norman invasion, held his coronation there, as have all monarchs since. Seventeen are buried here.

The current church was begun in 1245.

For over a thousand years daily liturgical and choir services have been held in the Abbey. The building itself while huge, feels surprisingly intimate during services.

It's a must see for even the most jaded London tourist.

Toad

Scotland or bust

I needed somewhere to enjoy my balmoral in comfort so while you wasted your day wondering how to get out of town before the storm, I was invested as Laird, Toad of Dunans Castle (Glendaruel, Argyll Scotland). No longer need I rely upon my beloved son in laws family's good nature to assure my teeny bit of Scots ancestry. I'm a landowner, a Laird, likely eventually a tax payer, my sons conscripts of the homeland of Bobby Burns.



It's not my fault our new family castle burned the day before my 1st wedding anniversary, and lies now in ruin. I had pleaded with Fergus to forgo mains electric, but no. Retainers feel they know best. Mercifully, the cellar was saved.

Being Laird of the Manor comes with any number of pleasantries. Use of this catchy stationary.



A Lairdship certificate, suitable for framing, and impressive title when making dinner reservations on date night Friday.

Fishing rights.


Most importantly use of the estate tartan,



and estate tweed, as soon as I design it.

If you are in the neighborhood drop in, as long as you don't mind the taste of burnt cork.

Laird Toad