The nothing fits chronicles

I wish this were an oh what a good boy am I tale, but that negates the obscenity that came before for which I  alone bear full responsibility.   Instead, I believe in the power of redemption.  This is my redemption song.

I blame my internist. I have the lipid panel of a 12 year old girl, but my MD only sees a  fat man when he hands over a script for old fat man pills. His advice is if I don't like it do something about it. I took up his challenge, overcoming my strict meat, potato and sweets diet,  relearning how to sweat while revisiting the gym. 

 I despise vegetables but now take my daily dosage, along with smaller portions and rarely visit potatoes.  I'm in danger of becoming a know it all authority on men's health. Just ask. The things I've learned, I could write a book.  Total cholesterol 159, HDL always low at 36, LDL 94. Triglycerides 113.  Not bad for an old fat man

My white linen suit is now at Goodwill, with luck I'll find another in a NOLA thrift shop. Nothing in my closet fits, I give thanks for suspenders. Only a few more pounds to go. If I can do it so can anyone.

Toad

Seersucker Thursday

Maxminimus Photo

The U.S. Senate has modified their traditional Seersucker Thursday observance by declaring every Thursday in season Seersucker Thursday. To honor their ability to agree on something, I offer a bit of seersucker advice.

Outside the South, the ubiquitous blue/white seersucker may be off putting. Some believe its too costumey, and it easily can be, especially when paired with white bucks, bow tie and straw boater. If your suit is wearing you, you'll won't feel good or look good, so always leave the boater at home, you're too young.

I also recommend that newby's first dip their toe in the water of seersucker. Once you learn the advantages of this miracle cloth you will wear it comfortably all summer.

Try this. Buy a suit, they are not expensive. Haspel makes a great one at little cost. Cuff the pants (the lighweight fabric needs the weight of cuffs to drape properly, and no break, ever, on anything). First few times, split it up. Wear the pants with a summer blazer, or the coat with a pair of khakis and polo shirt. You'll look good, be comfortable and garner many compliments.

Overstock photo

If blue/white seersucker doesn't suit your coloring or style try one of the other options. Overstock has on offer a tan/white Adolfo suit for $100 with all the trimmings. Try it you'll like it, and won't look like your grandfather.

Toad

Me in a decade?

I came across this photo from an ehow article on the history of seersucker. The story told nothing but this photo spoke. Wouldn't you want to get to know this man, to spend time on his porch, drinking his beer and listening to his stories.

Maybe in a decade or so I'd be able to pull off this look without laughing at myself.

Toad

The joke is on me

Horizontal stripes are in for Spring

Ghurka trousers

Car guys call it a "ten footer". When expressed as "it's a ten footer", it means that from 10 feet that car doesn't look bad, but as you come closer.... Camilla Parker Rolls is a 10 footer on her off days, so am I.

Sadly, I really love it, it fits perfectly, and like lingerie has a few Toadisms that only I know. I've spent too much time trying to convince myself that no one will notice the direction of the weave. It's enough that I know, and I can't escape that. Maybe if I only wore it at night.

The lining is from an old sari.

I had ordered replacement fabric, but couldn't bring myself to deliver it. The new suit would forever be tarnished by the memory of its other. Better to move on. Before consigning this suit to the island of misfit toys, I felt it deserved an airing. Go ahead and laugh. I did. It's a ten footer.

Toad