Weekend Drivel

If I try really hard I may be able to complete my weekend errands and some of my honey do's before lunch on Saturday. If it rains I have the weekend free which would be really good news for me because inexplicably I'm a sucker for Christmas movies, especially the Hallmark or the I hate men channel variety, and opening day is upon us.  

The season actually began last weekend with The Christmas Angel.  Reading the title you know the story line, that's the best part.  This weekend brings such classics as Christmas Everyday, The Christmas Hope, A Christmas Proposal, and the all important Christmas Wedding.  I have no explanation for how or why this drivel appeals to me, but it does. TIVO will be smokin' by Sunday night. 

Over the next month I have to work in, along with the Hallmark lineup, Charlie Brown (Thanksgiving and Christmas), The Grinch, Yukon Cornelius, 4 Christmas Carol's, Dr. Who's Christmas, Black Adder's Christmas, Scrooged with Bill Murray, The Bishop's Wife (original only please), Miracle on 34th Street (original) and if there's time It's a Wonderful Life. If only I had Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol! Time constraints will likely prevent Ralphie from sneaking into the lineup this year.

Nothing like a weekend nap, a fire in the hearth and drivel. You're invited to join me if you bring caramel corn.

Toad

Prince Charles-redux

Talk about a weird and truly bifurcated life.  Before mom dies, after mom dies.  It would make anyone schizophrenic.  Today's birthday boy is perhaps the most misunderstood man in the world, he may be either a dreamer or the village idiot, and those that know which aren't telling.


Father, husband, farmer, sportsman,  car guy, businessman he has done it all, each step of the way in the public eye, receiving a daily deluge of controversy for every utterance, idea and articulated thought he may have.  For the most part, he has borne his responsibilities well, marching to his own drummer.

I like the guy, mostly for speaking his mind, forcefully when necessary.  Anyone who is a thorn in side of greed heads and land rapers gets my vote.  Hell of a dresser too.

Happy Birthday Sir.

Toad

How many sins?

During my catholic youth I was taught that if you knew something was wrong, and you did it anyway, you've committed a sin. I am going to commit any number of sins this week.  I also learned that if you were sorry for your sins and confessed, then all was forgiven, because the catholic gd hated the sin, yet he loved the sinner so long as the sinner wasn't gay, or not a paid up member of gd's own roman catholic church. Non members were screwed no matter what.

Friends I am here to confess, in advance, for the sins I am about to commit. I'm sorry in advance, especially if I'm caught.  I beg your forgiveness. Otherwise....

*My car is in suburban Baltimore, not terribly far from Washington Dulles airport.  Airfare from Mayberry to Dulles is approx $248 one way.  However, if I book Mayberry to Boston, which takes the exact same flight to Dulles as the $248 option, but requires changing planes in Dulles to go to Beantown, the one way Mayberry to Boston ticket cost is $100 .  Airlines consider it a sin to book a cheaper yet longer flight if you plan to jump ship halfway. I've booked the Mayberry to Boston ticket for $100, but I'm walking out the door in Dulles pocketing the $148 savings.  It's a sin, I know it, but I'm not stupid, I didn't set up this dumb game. I beg your forgiveness.

*When I purchased the car, I was given a set of Massachusetts 5 day temporary license tags, allowing me to drive the car home to Mayberry.  The temporary tags expired while the car was being serviced.  I've visited the Missouri DMV, shocked them by telling the truth, which no one believed anyway, and asked how to legally drive the car home.  DMV said "bummer, no can do, have the car shipped."  As if.  My remaining options are to display the expired tags and hope the truth will set me free or use Camilla's historic plates and hope no one notices. I break fewer laws driving with expired plates. I'm undecided but I'm keeping the the historic plate option open, figuring a little anxiety is better than a lot, especially at my age.  Every moment I'm in that car with expired or wrong plates is a sin, I know it, I'm doing it, but I'm open to better ideas. I beg your forgiveness.

I share the rest of my sins later.
Toad

Remembrance Day

However you observe Remembrance Day, Armistice Day or Veterans Day take a moment to give thanks to those who came before, served our nation honorably, asking for nothing but a chance to return home and to resume their lives. Our's is a debt we can only repay forward by not taking for granted the daily sacrifices made by the men and women of our armed services and their families.

Buy a poppy from the VFW guy at the mall or supermarket. Wear it proudly, remember those who serve, and give thanks to those who served.

Toad

Marine Corps birthday

The following will be read to the command on the 10th of November, 1921, and hereafter on the 10th of November of every year. Should the order not be received by the 10th of November, 1921, it will be read upon receipt.

(1) On November 10, 1775, a Corps of Marines was created by a resolution of Continental Congress. Since that date many thousand men have borne the name "Marine". In memory of them it is fitting that we who are Marines should commemorate the birthday of our corps by calling to mind the glories of its long and illustrious history.

(2) The record of our corps is one which will bear comparison with that of the most famous military organizations in the world's history. During 90 of the 146 years of its existence the Marine Corps has been in action against the Nation's foes. From the Battle of Trenton to the Argonne, Marines have won foremost honors in war, and is the long eras of tranquility at home, generation after generation of Marines have grown gray in war in both hemispheres and in every corner of the seven seas, that our country and its citizens might enjoy peace and security.

(3) In every battle and skirmish since the birth of our corps, Marines have acquitted themselves with the greatest distinction, winning new honors on each occasion until the term "Marine" has come to signify all that is highest in military efficiency and soldierly virtue.

(4) This high name of distinction and soldierly repute we who are Marines today have received from those who preceded us in the corps. With it we have also received from them the eternal spirit which has animated our corps from generation to generation and has been the distinguishing mark of the Marines in every age. So long as that spirit continues to flourish Marines will be found equal to every emergency in the future as they have been in the past, and the men of our Nation will regard us as worthy successors to the long line of illustrious men who have served as "Soldiers of the Sea" since the founding of the Corps.

John A. Lejeune,
Major General Commandant

Thank you and Happy Birthday
Toad

Mo-vember

I've been remiss.  I had, until recently reminded, forgotten that November was also Mo-vember, a month which supports the activities of the  Mo-vember Foundation raising awareness of  men's health issues, especially prostate and testicular cancers.

Along with making a donation Mo-vember advocates begin November clean shaven. Throughout the remainder of the month the Mo Bro's groom their way into moustachery, effectively become living billboards who answer questions about "what's that growing on your face?" with thoughtful, awareness raising, answers about men's health issues.

They do good work, and deserve our support. The Suburban Princess participates by donating 25% of the proceeds of her fanciful moustache buttons. Take a look at her buttons and other treats as well.

Toad

martha gellhorn

Born and raised a scant 3 blocks from Tennessee William's boyhood home in Mayberry, today we celebrate the natal day of Ernest Hemingway's third wife, Martha Gellhorn.  Martha was a doctor's daughter, her mother a suffragette,  and although the William's family lived nearby, it's unlikely their paths would have ever crossed the local social divide.

 Martha was one of the first women war correspondents, and perhaps the best of all war correspondents of the 20th century. She wrote for Collier's during the Spanish Civil War, where she met and had an affair with Hemingway. They married in 1940, she was the only of his 4 wives to leave him, unable to tolerate his fragile ego, and tantrums.  He dedicated For Whom The Bell Tolls to her.

During WWII she reported for The Atlantic from Normandy on D-Day, from bombers over Germany and was at Dachau when it was liberated. She was a pro, tough,  hardened and a fine writer. She covered the world's conflicts until the war in Serbia.

3 blocks from Tennessee williams boyhood home, she was 3 years older which is a lifetime at that age.

Today she is best known as Hem's wife, which is a great disservice to her tremendous legacy.

Toad

Oh Happy Day

I've been dreading this phone call, but knew I couldn't put it off any longer.  I called the car wizard of Baltimore, hoping I wouldn't have to mortgage the house when it was over. Mostly, I feared Mrs. T. I knew,  I'd pay for this the rest of my life, but I  didn't want to consider selling body parts. We've grown attached.

"It's all done", said the Wiz, "the amount was nominal, so we just fixed it, in fact the towing was the biggest cost."  I offered to kiss him on the lips, anything so the dream to linger.  All was right with my world.  "The car is in really great shape too, someone really took care of it."  To my ears that was right up there with "I do."

Now comes the hard part, bringing it home.  My plate is full.    Anyone have kids coming towards Mayberry  for Thanksgiving?

Toad

Election Day

Whatever your proclivities vote today, please.

American political parties have succeeded in their effort to antagonize voters into violent apathy.  The parties are for members of their club only, and any passing resemblance to civics or common decency is certainly due to fixable inattention to detail.  The only reasonable persons response to elections in this country is repeated recitation of the Costanza prayer.

Are you considering moving in the next several years?  Since we have become as neighbors, divided us against them, I recommend house hunters use today wisely.  Drive through the neighborhoods you'd consider moving into, both up and down scale, who knows what the next few years will bring.  Bring your camera along and take lots of snaps of the political yard signs in your new neighborhood to-be.  It's good to know in advance where the crazies live.   Just sayin'

Vote

Toad

london to brighton

I don't have a bucket list but if I did it would include entering the London to Brighton Veteran Car Run someday. I blame the 1953 movie classic Genevieve about two car loving friends who along with one's long suffering wife and the other's tolerant girlfriend enter their cars for the annual run. Being a car guy with a long suffering wife, Genevieve and I connected immediately.

London to Brighton, celebrated on the first Sunday of November, is the longest running motoring event in the world. First held in 1896, the run celebrated a change in England's motoring laws which raised speed limits for motorcars to 14 miles per hour, up from 4 mph  and eliminated the need for a flag man to walk 20 yards ahead of the car alerting (deaf?) bystanders of the car's approach.

The 54 mile run, which is not a race, is held for annually for cars built before January 1905 starts in London's Hyde Park and ends at Brighton pier, with at least 2 intermediate stops. Last year over 500 cars were entered, almost half finish. 

Toad

Odds and Ends- End of Daylight Savings Edition

Does ANYONE, who is not an NHL employee, give a flying leap that the league is on strike against its players? Would anyone notice if they stayed gone?

My brother from a different mother ADG has long and certifiable Tom Wolfe adulation bonafides. Google has rewarded his admiration by using a photo from his blog as the face of Mr. Wolfe on their search page.

The post man brought these this week from Broadland Slippers. They have hardly left my feet since.

The best description I've ever read of the iconic Judy Garland Classic.

Maybe-Maybe Not

Don't forget to set the clocks. Spring forward, fall back. It is now fall.

Toad

Advice from The Lady

"In continuous publication since 1885 and widely respected as England's longest running weekly magazine for women, The Lady is celebrated both for the quality of its editorial pages and its classified advertisements.

Copyright 2012 © The Lady Magazine Ltd 39-40 Bedford Street, Strand, London WC2E "

Last monthVanity Fair ran a story about the history and current events at The Lady Magazine. I admit I had forget it existed until reading the story, since then I've become enchanted. For generations the Lady was a license to print money. It has since fallen on hard times, the average age of its subscribers recently was 80, it now hovers near 60. Their web site has become one of my favorite reads. Often they offer peeks into their archives. I hope you enjoy.

FASHION ADVICE FROM THE ARCHIVE
Vintage tips from The Lady magazine
By Katy Pearson
"SOME women are incapable of selecting becoming attire. Style and effect is obtained in several ways, but outline is really the chief factor in a successful toilette."

The Lady. Hints on dress. 28th January, 1904

"THE little frock still comes in very many guises but it simply MUST be slim about the hips"

The Lady. The "little" frock. 12th December, 1929

"A VARIETY of colours is truly a sin against good taste in the sartorial sphere of a well dressed woman."

The Lady. Society Solecisms. 3rd September, 1903

"BELTS steals the limelight because much widened shoulder-lines require a pinched-in waistline for good proportion."

The Lady. Fashion is back in shape. 28th May, 1959

"WHAT woman does not find that a well-cut black suit makes the best possible basis for a wardrobe?"
The Lady.

The Art of Good Shopping. 21st February 1946


“WITHOUT books, a room looks lifeless and uninteresting, but too many books left lying about here, there and everywhere quickly produce an effect of disorder and untidiness.”"WHAT

The Lady. Books and Where to Keep Them. 14th November 1929.

"BLOUSES are part of the seasonless wardrobe that most of us aim at. Although casually easy to wear, nobody could describe them as 'casuals' when so many have a definite elegance of their own, a feminine softness combined with extreme neatness."

The Lady. A Special Year for Blouses. 7th August, 1969

“TULLE is not a good traveller, so the wise woman abandons it for the moment. Lace on the other hand, can never be out of place. When cleverly arranged it is extremely chic.”

The Lady. Evening Dress for the Casino Abroad and Country house visits at Home. 2nd August 1928

“A NEW hat is the best of tonics and so good an eye-catcher that it draws attention from a tired looking-frock. The matter of buying one should not be neglected.”

The Lady. Heads Up. 11th July, 1946

"NOW there is absolutely no reason why any woman should cease, at any age, to dress well and look well. A little dash of fun, a good deal of unselfconscious, and the battle is won. (Fat, wrinkles, years, do not matter so very much, though, nof course it is better to be without them.)"

The Lady. Clever with clothes. 5th January, 1933

“IT is by no means necessary to have an extensive outfit for the ordinary seaside holiday, but each item should admit of variation and the different gowns and blouses should be wearable together.”

The Lady. Holiday fashions. 7th July 1904

"MANY women earn the reputation of being badly dressed because they wear frocks bought at the sales and then hoarded through a season for which they are unsuited."

The Lady. The Week’s Best Bargains: What will be cheap at the Sales. 26th June, 1930

"ONE of the virtues to look for in choosing a well-cut blouse is the fit at the waistline. Who, in figure-conscious days wants extra fabric round the hipline tucked under pants or skirt?"

The Lady. A Special Year for Blouses. 7th August, 1969.

"DO not buy a corset that squeezes you into shape, but one that moulds. No belt can get rid of the flesh that is there."

The Lady. The fashion is for fit. 12th November, 1953

“THE small woman has to avoid clothes which emphasise the horizontal lines and choose those which empasise the vertical ones. That is the whole secret of creating an optical illusion of height.”

The Lady. Clothes for the small woman. 23rd April, 1936

"HOLIDAY clothes, in our opinion, should put comfort before everything else, and gaiety next. Meanwhile it is important that holiday beauty preparations should have the freshness that seems suitable for the simple life and days in the open air."

The Lady. Shopping for sea and county. 26th July, 1934

"NOT everyone can escape to country or seaside in the summer-time, but no one with sense goes out dressed for a garden-party to spend a day in town."

The Lady. For Summer Days In Town. 26th July, 1934

"WE must continue to wear gay and frivolous hats; it is the simplest and least expensive way of keeping up our morale and giving to our towns and villages an air of elegance."

The Lady. Bows and Bonnets. 22nd August, 1940

“AS in everything, lingerie divides itself into two schools of thought, the tailored and elegant type for the girl of decisive mind, and the dreamy frou-frou type, frothing in lace.”

The Lady. New Thoughts on Lingerie. 14th June, 1945

“SOME women are born with an innate sense of elegance which is very enviable, but how few such mortals exist, even in Paris.”

The Lady. The Elegant Women. 21st July 1955

“THE feeling that one is daintily and suitably attired helps considerably in the enjoyment of a holiday. But there is such a thing as being too smart, and this is undesirable. Better err on the simple side but have everything well cut and nicely made.”

The Lady. Dress and Fashion. 18th July, 1912

Toad

Kinky Friedman

Frontman for the ever popular Texas Jewboys, today's birthday boy Kinky Friedman has the misfortune of living in the right place at the wrong time. A lifelong Texas boy, the would be politician's mix of common sense,buffered by populism, buffoonery and showmanship make him an unlikely candidate for any Texas public office. Kinky has run for office twice and lost. Texans never got his pragmatism, it's their loss.

A creative sort he's made a career out of being the satirical, politically incorrect storyteller, in the mold of Hunter S. Thompson with a different set of vices. A collection of articles written for Texas Monthly, Drinker with a Writing Problem, is a good start.

If you don't know from Kinky give 'im a try. Can't hurt. He sells a pretty good cigar as well.

Toad

THE proposal

Guys feel free to take the day off, or not, your choice.

The family received this email from The Fashionista.

Hello family! 

     I'm sure by now you've all heard the wonderfully exciting news but I just wanted make sure.... Chris and I are engaged!!! He proposed on Wednesday, the 17th of October at our apartment in Clayton. 

     Here's the story: Even though I knew he was going to propose, I hadn't the faintest idea of when, where, or how. He succeeded at completely throwing me off and surprising me! One of his two younger sisters, Courtney, is in her second year at Webster University as a Film major. She informed me that she had a group project for her Film 1 course, focused on lighting and sound. She asked me if Chris and I would be able to help her out by lending our apartment for an afternoon and Chris and I running a few silly lines they wrote up as well. I agreed and let her know that Wednesday would be good since it was my day off. 300+ pounds of lighting and sound equipment later..... 

Catalina's mother and I couldn't be happier.

Toad

Odds and Ends

From Tickled Pink and Green

Due to Sandy, the internet is slow so I'll be brief.

I've been hooked on This is New York, the instagram photo feed from NYC.  My favorite photo so far is:

From The hard times of Jake Long

What a way to die.

If you are in Sandy's path keep out of harms way.  This too shall pass.

Toad

Part two

Where the h did I leave the car? I knew it wasn't at the hotel, and my last memory was of a 7-11, but not one I could locate on Google.  I set out at 6 am on foot to retrace my steps, but 2 blocks away I realized I had forgotten the keys, so back to the hotel I went.

If you are ever stranded may it be in Baltimore.  Positively, the nicest, friendliest, folk on the east coast of the US reside in Baltimore.  The hotel valet took pity, and drove me around after his shift ended to all the nearby 7-11's until I found my ride, waited as I promised the manager to rid his lot of my beast quickly, and returned me to my lodgings. I felt half the weight of the world lifted from my shoulders.

And now for part two of the story.

I found our new wagon on EBAY.  95% of station wagons in the US are mom cars.  They see daily duty doing mom stuff. Hauling kids to school, going to the grocery, running errands.  Rarely are they abused, do they see horrendous weather or sustain any damage beyond a parking lot ding.  Generally they are well maintained as well. They make for great used cars.  Ours did duty in suburban Washington DC then Boston. I went to Beantown to claim it.

Mrs. T does not usually allow me to make travel arrangements.  A lifetime of life as road warrior tossed aside for one or two travel mishaps. But she was sick, so I booked my flight for early AM.  Convinced my flight was at 7AM, I was surprised to find when I arrived at the airport that it had left at 6.  The gods and United took pity (I was wearing a tie), I arrived in Boston a mere 2 hours late.

The wagon was love at first sight.  Everything was better than expected.   Within two hours I was on my way home, the car drove like a dream I was happy, traffic was light, all was well with my world.  The car broke down in Baltimore and rolled to a stop at a 7-11.  Remember that as you watch the weather headlines.

Toad

Part One

I feel it is important for a husband to regularly provide his wife the ammunition with which she will then use at her discretion to regularly remind him what an idiot she married.  I practice what I preach, and have the psychic scars to prove it.

I've been used car shopping.  It's been 3+ years since I delivered my daily driver to my youngest son and I haven't missed having a work horse until recently.  I made my case, Mrs. T and I agreed on a budget, and I set off to research the car of my dreams.

Quickly, I settled upon a most impractical motor car, a boy racer station wagon.  That the gas mileage made Camilla appear thrifty I was able to self justify, I was stumbling over why its over-complexity makes a 12 cylinder Jaguar mechanic blush, but figured no one would know but me, so I could dance around that issue if ever asked. The ever pragmatic Mrs T places automobiles in the same category as kitchen appliances.  They are expected to work always, with minimal human intervention and heaven protect a nickel and dimer and its fatuous owner.

Complex boy racer station wagons are thin on the ground. Imagine.  After looking at and rejecting one too many, it dawned on me why its less complex, less boy racer little sister was, judging by availability, a more rational option.

I found a candidate, a mom car, sold my story to my bride, then went to the dealer to exchange paper for metal, only to find it sold.  Minutes later I purchased my runner up choice, never once mentioning to the love of my life, that the car lived 1200 miles away, cost a smidge over budget and was slightly(?) different than the car we discussed over breakfast.

The story gets worse, so before you hear it from someone else, I promise to share.  Gotta let the bruises heal first.

Toad
 

Back Tomorrow

I find myself in beautiful Old Town, Alexandria Virginia this morning, surrounded by love and happiness  filled to the brim with stories of  hardship and stupidity and the eternal gratitude for trusted friends, bursting to escape.  Hopefully, by tomorrow morn my 2 week fog of cold and allergies may lift, and with it less logrolling.

Home late tonight, shall return in full vinegar, so long as the creek don't rise.

Toad

St. Crispian's day

From the hornet

On this day in 1413, Prince Hal, Harry Monmouth became King Henry V of England. From Shakespeare’s Henry V:

This day is called the feast of Crispian:


He that outlives this day and comes safe home,


Will stand a tip-toe when this day is named,


And rouse him at the name of Crispian.


He that shall live this day, and see old age,


Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,


And say, ‘To-morrow is Saint Crispian:’


Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,


And say, ‘These wounds I had on Crispin’s day.’


Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,


But he’ll remember with advantages


What feats he did that day.

Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words,


Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,


Be in their flowing cups freshly remembered.


This story shall the good man teach his son;


And Crispin Crispian shall ne’er go by,


From this day to the ending of the world,


But we in it shall be rememberèd;


We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;


For he to-day that sheds his blood with me


Shall be my brother; be he ne’er so vile


This day shall gentle his condition:


And gentlemen in England, now a-bed


Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,


And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks


That fought with us upon Saint Crispin’s day.

Moleskins, not always

From Futtner's Family Farm

The J. Peterman Company in their effort to compose a telling story for each of their goods writes "Moleskin trousers are what you might see on a man driving a 27 year old tractor, purring along over the velvety-green groundswells of England, lost in thought, totally unaware that soft rain has been falling on his head for a good 40 minutes."

During this past week I have found myself wearing my favorite loden moleskins, driving a 10 year old iron horse over a leafy brown forest floor in Mayberry, happily lost in thought yet fully aware of the soft rain falling on my head, and I have this to say:

Moleskins are horrible things to wear while conducting business on tractor seats.  The soft fabric is too slick for backsides on tractor seats and does not lend itself to safety as you change direction or incline.  I had the toughest workout of my week just hanging on.

When the weather gets tough wear moleskins, just not while tractoring.

Toad