Chuck and the new season

Wherever has the summer gone?

So now its fall, and the new television season is upon us. Our media hero, Chuck Lorre now has 3 opportunities each week to regale us with his wit and sass at the end of his programs, Mike and Mollie, The Big Bang Theory and Two and Half Men.

If you are new here, or simply unfamilar with Chuck Lorre Productions, at the end of each program,Chuck gives us a vanity card. A brief paragraph about what's on Chuck's mind. Think of it as his blog. You never see it because your TIVO stops too early, or you think its all the legal stuff and don't pay attention. You are missing a lot.

Chuck is twisted. Painfully. His vanity cards are a brief look into every guys mind. I recommend you pay more attention in the future. Or find your favorites here.

Last time, we left off at 282.

Toad

World War I officially over

There will be a European History quiz today. I trust you've studied.

In 100 words of less describe the 1919 Treaty of Versailles and its impact on 20th Century history.

OK, so there isn't a quiz, but I'll trigger your memory anyway.

The Treaty of Versailles between Germany and the Allies formally ended World War I. Britain, France and US each had different objectives in the peace treaty and subsequently made a mess of things.

The major terms were:
Germany accepted full responsibility for starting the war.

The German Kaiser and other officials would be tried for war crimes.

Alsace and Lorraine would return to France.

The German military would become a self defense force only.

German financial reparations to the the tune of US $31 Billion (1919) would be paid, in gold, to the Allies.



As you will recall, the severity of the reparation payments are credited for the hyperinflation which reeked havoc in Germany after the war, leading to the rise of Adolph Hitler, WWII, blah, blah blah.



All ancient history you're thinking, but not so.

Tomorrow, the German government is expected to make its final First World War reparation payment, thus officially ending World War I, 92 years later.

Toad

think pink

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

It's not a woman's disease. It's a family disease that, according to the Centers For Disease Control, directly affects 190,000 women and their families per year.

Including mine.

Early detection is the best medicine. Monthly self exams, mammograms as prescribed, and reducing bad habits may save your life.

Take good care of your self, if not for you, then for me. I like having you around.

In the mean time support the local chapter of the Susan G Koman race for the cure.

Or the good work of the National Cancer Institute




Toad

Maybe-Maybe Not

Boys and beer, eh?

48 year old, David Jonathan Winkelman, and his stepson, after hearing KORB radio station DJ in Davenport Iowa, jokingly offer a 6 figure payout to anyone who showed up with the station logo,“93 Rock, the Quad City Rocker", tattooed on their forehead, up and did it.

When they showed up at the station with their fresh tats, they were met by Foghorn Leghorn who told them,"It's a joke son, a joke". David, stepson and presumably David's wife were not amused.

Lawyers were retained, and the case dismissed.

To rub salt in Mr. Winkelman's wounds, KORB has since changed formats. No longer are they the heavy metal kings of Iowa. They are now an outpost of easy listening.

Toad

We are being attacked

Living in the woods has many advantages. It's cooler in summer, the trees muffle traffic and airplane noise while simultaneously providing a perch for the birds of the forest to serenade us. I love it here, our private Eden.

The forest has had a magnificent growing season. A splendid year for crops, and in our case a bountiful harvest of acorns, walnuts and hickory nuts. The squirrels, deer, and mice have a bumper feast to tide them over the winter. Even Eden has thorns though.

The bane of my existence from mid September till mid October are the hickory nuts.


In the photo above, the flat roof portion is the extension of our kitchen (right) and family room. The center tree is an oak, the other two are an unknown to me species of hickory . As nuts are wont to do, when ripe they fall. The acorns are merely a nuisance, the hickory are dangerous.

A ripe hickory nut is about the same size as a good sized hailstone. Weights about the same too. During this time of year we are bombarded with the equivalent of falling rocks. On a windy day we are blessed with the steady pop sounds, and damage of a hailstorm.

On the far left of this photo is the first floor master suite. That too is surrounded by missile bearing nut trees. Imagine, waking to the sound of scampering little feet. Even knowing better, your first thought is "mice?". No, it's too early. The squirrels are having a picnic.

Supposedly, the hickory is related to the pecan. I'd like to gather them, use them in something, and feel virtuous for eating deer food, but I'm too chicken. In the back of my mind, I'm thinking if these were so good, I'd see hickory on grocery store shelves, but then I'm not allowed to go to the store.

Toad

Lola and Penelope, et al

It dawned on me Monday morning that save for Friday night date nights, and the gym I hadn't been off the reservation for over a week, and I had cabin fever. The crops are in, the pool drained, the calendar bare. All I'm waiting for is the fall leaf harvest, until then my dance card is empty. So I took, our Shih Tzu, Charley to the barber.

Charley has been cut once before at a shop that did a pretty awful job of it. She was so ashamed of her cut, she wouldn't leave her bed for a couple of days. I'm not certain I blame her, it was that bad.

So this time, coupon in hand for what a local magazine calls "the best" shop in town, Charley and I went to the big city, our county seat, where I haven't been in several years to look up, Lola and Penelope's.



L&P's slipped in since my last visit to town. By nature I'm leery of retail shops tucked in the middle of the bank and lawyer street. I don't expect the pin stripe crowd needs a steady source for dog toys in the middle of the day, but as better writers than I point out reality is so better.

The shop was darling, and probably on weekends a chick magnet.

Everything a pampered pet, or pet owner could ever want. Need matching jackets for you and your pet? These are folks to see.


So we met the barber who was sweet girl, who asked a lot of questions, and eventually brought out her Shih Tzu so we could compare and contrast haircut styles. When we were stuck she would head to her office and bring out another one to point out various styling tricks. There were 5 Shih Tzu's being groomed Monday.

Her major concern was that she rarely saw a Shih Tzu who played outside as much as Charley. She could tell detangling was going to be a big part of her day. It may have been but she did and excellent job.

My hat is off to Lola and Penelope's. Charley loved her cut.



She even got C's on her report card.





II. Today's Banned Book

Tony Bourdain's Medium Raw.

"Good authors too who once knew better words,
Now only use four letter words
Writing prose, Anything Goes."

If you like the snarly side of Tony, here it is in full blast mode. It's a medium, not especially well done.

Toad

Celebrate Banned Books Week

The last week of September is traditionally Banned Books Week in the United States.

It doesn't take much to become a banned book. Merely, the word of an uninformed bigot and the tacit support of a silent administrator can bring public censure to a work of art.

Most of my favorite authors are banned somewhere in the US. Most of Twain, a bit of Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Dahl, Capote, Alice Walker, and Webster's Dictionary. You could posit that a book not on the list is not worth the trouble of reading.

For further info check out Google's Banned Book link

Stamp out prejudice, Read.

Toad

William Faulkner: Birthday Boy

Today is Mr. Faulkner's 113th birthday. His novels, mostly set near his home in Oxford, Mississippi tell the story of the early 20th century American South. White, black, rich, poor, smart and not so smart, farm and town. To modern ears they are a tough read.


The Faulkner House Bookstore, around the corner from St. Louis Cathedral, in New Orleans recommends Faulkner's short stories to those unfamiliar with his novels. My favorite collection is the Modern Library's "Selected Short Stories." Many of the themes, characters, and set pieces from the novels had the origin in the shorts.

If you are interested in a true throwback, the University of Virginia taped several lectures and question answer sessions of Faulkner's while he was writer in residence at the university in 1957-58. They may be heard here.

Toad

WTW?*

Ever get really, I mean really, overserved at a wedding? The bride's father may have been a bit too liberal with the Cold Duck, or maybe it was just a bad year at Boone's Farm. Whatever.

Ok, so maybe it took a day or so to get your head right, and back to feeling your old self, even it you had to show at work early the next morning. We've all had those experiences. You get over it.

So whatever happened to Hills?



Just sayin'.

Toad

*What the What, is a Mrs. Blandingsism

Google Earth

If you have stopped by here a time or two you will quickly notice that I am not science boy. Whatever scientific interests I may have came when I was long out of school. I haven't the skills, the math or the vocabulary to have more than a passing interest. I do have, by marriage, a very good astrophysicist in the family, who I'll use as my lifeline, if I'm ever a game show contestant.

That said, some things just fascinate me. I can spend hours on a treadmill wondering how did anyone ever figure that out, or how did anyone understand enough to ask the questions which led to that.

Google Earth does it to me too. The vastness of space as seen through Microsoft's World Wide Telescope visualizes interplanetary distances in a way I never thought possible.

This morning I came across Google Earth's blog and it appears life as I knew it may come to a crashing halt. I've found my ultimate time sink. Thanks to my old Air Force job tracking things in the sky, I was sucked in by a map, updated every 30 seconds, which shows where all 13,000 satellites are located. follow the link for a better view which also allows you to click on each satellite to determine its identity.

Or, just watch.



Clearly, I'm easily amused.

Toad

My fall favorite

I love Autumn. I love it all, save for the unending gray skies and cold rain. I love the holidays, the traditions and most especially the clothes.

Men's wear tends to lean on year round khaki chinos paired with a fairly non nondescript button up shirt and ...... In the fall the peacock, albeit a muted and ancient Scottish camouflaged peacock, gets to struts his stuff.

What I especially love about fall is the woman's clothing. I wish I had the skills and vocabulary to fully put words to meaning.



I met my first wife while we were in high school. Each August, as the fall clothing hit the stores, she and her sisters would dutifully line up at the local Villager Shop, and get what was new in every color. Every year, they would each pick out the latest variant of what is still my favorite fall womans look.

Car guys, as they age, never mature, tend to buy the cars of their youth. Certainly I have, and at the same time, the woman's fall look I fell in love with at 16 still turns my head. I admit, its a product of a particular time and place but bear with me. Some of you may remember seeing teenage photos of your mother, and may know what I mean.



The outfit is simple. A pair of high waisted, wool shorts, in the olden days tartan was popular, matching knee socks, coupled with a simple peter pan collared oxford blouse, and cardigan sweater.



The sisters regularly had tremendous rows because some wore their sweaters buttoned up the back, allegedly stretching them.



The shoes were ALWAYS Capezio flats. Every color under the rainbow. The older girls wore the same size.



Seems every year, when its time to rotate the closets, Mrs. T and I have what's become a routine. I begin with the I love fall shorts story, she rolls her eyes and tells me to get over it.



I probably never will.

Toad

The EP Part 1

On this date in 1862, President Lincoln issued part 1 of the Emancipation Proclamation.

Part 1 specified that on January 1, 1863 all slaves in any state of the then Confederate States of America, that did not return to the Union by January 1, 1863 would be declared free.

As a point of law, Lincoln gave away what was not his to give. As a point of honor, it was the first public declaration by the president that eliminating slavery was a Union goal in the war between the states.

Part 2 of the proclamation, where words became deeds, took effect on January 1, 1863, and it feels like the battle continues.

Toad

A Public Service Announcement

George Bernard Shaw is quoted as saying, "if all economists were laid end to end they would not reach a conclusion." That said, I was heartened to read the latest pablum that recession in the US ended in June 2009. Sadly, they may be the only ones who believe that.

The aftermath of the latest economic fallout has been ugly, and the human toll incalculable. The past 3 years are likely to scar families for a generation. Mrs. T and I work for a local food pantry and weekly we see the family costs.

In August, our pantry had a record month.
1,949 people were fed with 3,078 bags of food.

$73,210.23 in donated food was shared with families.
$9,927 was given in financial aid for rent/utilities to 81 families.

Our cupboard is bare, as are the food pantries in your neighborhood.

Americans are a giving people. As exciting as it is to give during the holidays, your donation is more appreciated now. If you can, please support your local family outreach group. It's your neighbors, and neighborhood you're supporting.

Toad

dazed and confused

Ever wonder if, just maybe, you were the star attraction on Punked?

Some everyday unsatisfying transaction happens, and you expect someone to jump out of the bushes and yell "gotcha". The world can't really be like this, in your heart of hearts you just know, we couldn't have screwed things up this badly could we?

This weekend provided three wake up calls. Each unspectacular in its own way, but collectively they feel an omen for darker times ahead.

Friday Night Date Night: He of the other couple picked the place. A bar with pretense of being a restaurant. My mood wasn't enhanced by the neighborhood fair taking place outside.

We ordered. After an ugly hour, saved by my $5 pitcher of margaritas, apps arrived. Our meager protests overshadowed by hunger.

Too quickly, our plates cleared and foolishly we asked if dinner might be served soon. Waitress responded with they'll begin your food after my 10 top is served. When might that be? No telling. We left.

We walked a couple of blocks, were seated at a nice little place and shared with the waiter our tale of woe. His buddy was the cook at bar #1 so he rang him up, to see what was going down. "Oh,the boss was crabby so we all quit".

Had a great dinner, eventually.

II. Letter from the cable company: I despise our cable company. Everyone is allowed to hate at least one utility. Mine is the cable company. Choose the one that works for you.

We received a letter Saturday, warning us that unless they came to our home immediately and replaced our TIVO cards they couldn't answer for the consequences. Call now for an appointment.

We called,the customer hatred clerk in Pakistan knew nothing of this letter and cared less. Mrs T read him the letter. "The fixer will arrive Sunday between 10 and noon", was the response.

Honest to god, a tech arrived on time, although he was repair and our situation required installation and even if he knew or cared about the letter, he didn't have the part, didn't think the company had the part, but someone would show up sometime Wednesday.

He was still drinking our coffee when driving a machine called to ask how well the cable company solved our problem. Why yell at a machine no one listens to?

III. School: Collectively, let us give thanks. Let us give thanks that Mrs. T does not have school age children in our school district. Let us give thanks that you do not either.

In their collective wisdom, our school masters believe we have too many Friday morning spellers, so spelling tests have been eliminated in all grades.

Take a breath and let that sink in. Repeat.

Isn't it bad enough that cursive writing is as unfathomable as hieroglyphics to graduating high school seniors? Now Facebook and IM spelling become a de facto standard. Blame spell check all you want, but you can't use a dictionary, even an online one, if you can't spell.

In the words of those to whom we entrust our children, by grade level certain "accountable words" that students would be expected to spell correctly in all their authentic writing have been created. Teachers will continue to teach weekly lessons on word principles and patterns to HELP STUDENTS UNDERSTAND HOW CONVENTIONAL SPELLING WORKS. As if.

"Teachers will track each student's spelling weaknesses and address those mistakes individually. We're really trying to work on self-regulation." Socrates died for less.

Thank god I won't live long enough to see how this pans out.

And Finally:


#2 son wrote last Wednesday he'd left Colorado and was heading to Wyoming to work on the dead bark beetle infested forests. Today I received this.
"New fire, we are on the go and here is where you can find out some information about it."

I trust your weekend fared better than ours.

Toad

Churchill's paintings

When I was but a lad in Kansas City, I remember being taken to an art exhibit held in a local shopping mall. In many respects I remember the day perfectly. Indoor malls at the time were something of a novelty, and this, while certainly not the Burlington Arcade, was one of my favorite places.

On display were a series of paintings by the patron saint of salesmen, Sir Winston Churchill.

In the early days of television, the first family of KC, The Halls of Hallmark Card fame produced a television series, Hallmark Presents Sarah Churchill, hosted by Churchill's daughter. Over time, in gratitude for the kindness shown their daughter, Sir Winston presented the Hall family one of his paintings.

A friendship developed amongst the families and eventually Hall asked to reproduce several Churchill paintings as Christmas Cards, to which after an extended dance of the seven veils Churchill agreed.

In 1958, long before my time, 35 of his oils were displayed at the Nelson Adkins Museum of Art in KC. It was Sir Winston's first one man show. Eventually, the show toured the country.

From what I can gather the exhibit I saw in 1963 was a display of reproductions taken from the original show and those later used by Hallmark. It was still a pretty big deal.

Even local boy Harry Truman was there.

Toad

The Hornet

As I was saying

The Last Word on Goodwood Revival 2010

by claptonpond

On Tuesday last we paid tribute to the most stylish British speed kings of all time. Check out the archive September 2010 or click HERE to read the piece.

Unfortunately we made one glaring omission: the most stylish of them ALL. This was very remiss of us and we apologise unreservedly. Hoping to make amends, we’ve given him his very own post on The Hornet. Gentlemen we present, by way of our final word on Goodwood Revival 2010, the one-and-only Mr Toad.

“They reached the carriage-drive of Toad Hall to find, as the Badger had anticipated, a shiny new motor-car, of great size, painted a bright red (Toad’s favourite colour), standing in front of the house. As they neared the door it was flung open, and Mr. Toad, arrayed in goggles, cap, gaiters, and enormous overcoat, came swaggering down the steps, drawing on his gauntleted gloves.”

Caps, gaiters and enormous overcoats. What style!

(You can buy The Wind in the Willows – illustrated here – direct from Penguin Books. Not only is Mr Toad a style icon, old Ratty parades a nice line in linen suits, too. We’ll head back to the riverbank for more of that next summer.)

Bill Hornets adds: “Have a grand Goodwood, all!”

Special Goodwood Revival 2010 Hours at Hornets: Friday and Saturday 17th & 18th September 9.00a.m – 7.00p.m, Sunday 19th 9.00a.m – 1.00p.m.

www.hornetskensington.co.uk

Add starLikeShareShare with noteEmailKeep unreadAdd tags

Grocery fun

It's rare when Mrs. T allows me unescorted access to a grocery. It may come to surprise you that I don't shop the way she does, alright so maybe I do select something(s) I may want, still I can't go. I do miss it occasionally though. It's hard to find a better people watching place than the local market.

At the same time, she prefers I don't tag along when she goes. I am falsely accused of "rushing" her. From what I gather my sole use at the grocery is that I remember where the car is parked, if that's any consolation. When I am allowed in, I'm obviously placated and sent for very specific items. If I'm good, I get a pat on the head.

Every now and then though, we make it fun. Ever play "tease the shoppers" ? Our version requires a quick wit, a thick skin, and an ability to make fun of yourself. TOS works best with 1 male and lots of female shoppers. It goes like this:

Picture a grocery aisle with several women and their carts. I'm driving the basket while Mrs T pulls something off the shelf. Demurely, I ask about a menu item, and naturally the women shoppers ears perk up. After hearing Mrs. T's commentary, I announce loudly enough to be overheard, "That's not how my mother made that".

The game, of course, is in her reply.

The honor of the sisterhood is at stake, as heads have turned to see how Mrs. T will deal with this afront. Of course, I'm going to get it and hard, but its all for show. Points are awarded according to how many women comment.

Toad